


Coastline Massacre

by Sweet_Liar



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Angst, Blood and Injury, Death, F/M, Gun Violence, It's clean I swear, Kissing, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Only Survivor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Presumed Dead, Someone's pregnant, Survivor Guilt, Violence, War AU, What Have I Done, accidental murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2019-11-13 10:12:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 72,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18029759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Liar/pseuds/Sweet_Liar
Summary: Kokichi and Shuichi, alongside many other classmates, get drafted to serve their country.As most know, it's dangerous.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what inspired this... XD I'm not even sure if it's what the tags promised? I tried. A relative of mine is considering the military, fighting and all that fun stuff. And I took my worries out on Kokichi... Wat did he do to deserve this... Aha, nothing. >;)

The ground below him was cold. The blood soaked dirt had become frozen mud. His hair solidified in it’s muck. His eyes cracked open with his first breath being sharp. The air stabbed his lungs that threatened a repulsive cough. It would only erupt more pain that bloomed from his side. He breathed slowly. The air held a chilling crisp edge. Drawing it in was laborious. He felt the cold biting at his nose and pinching his ears. Goosebumps ran down his arms where a raw red had formed.

He still hadn’t gathered the strength or willpower to move. Only in slight fear of what kind of pain would strike him when he tried. His spinning head made his stomach flip, and the numbness in his bare fingers set needles into his hands. He started small, recoiling his fingers into a fist to stretch them first. He dragged his arm to his chest. He was already generating some means of warmth. Though, far from enough. He shuttered a breath from the affects the cold. He wasn’t shivering, his body seemed too tired to pull it off.

He saw his breath disappear into the dark clouds that hung over him. Big and full of snow that begged to fall. His eyelids remained half open, half closed. His legs felt the way the skies looked. Heavy, cold. Unnecessary weights of thin air blanketed him. He lay face up like that for a while. His purple hair looked close to black covered in a gross liquid. Grease, blood… something else… He pulled his other arm in. Almost afraid to remember why he was here.

He rolled his head from the sky. Looking to his left. He shut his eyes at the sight. It was coming back to him now. He winced at the memory. He let his left hand leave the safety of his chest, the only source of light body heat, to grip the ground that wasn’t far from him. His hand shook from the reach, but his fingers raked through a familiar element. The smell of salt now reaching his nose. The grimy feeling he got when rubbing his fingers together let him know where he was.

Sand. It was frosty, unwelcoming, he let it fall through his red fingers. His skin was sensitive when touching the sand. The little grains stuck to his fingertips like magnets. A gross grubby feeling stayed. He heaved a groan when he rolled onto his side. Wrong side. Wrong side. Like a shock of electricity shot through him, he whimpered, too tired to cry out in agony. He was on his stomach now. He rested on the frozen grass that bordered the sand. It poked his cheek and froze to his face. The dried mud splattered there helped as a glue.

He had no choice. He was facing the ocean. The waters lay many countless yards away. He felt his eyes prick with tears that would freeze if he didn’t collect himself. Along the beach, the sand that would hold a light gray color similar to the sky, was dyed with a harsh crimson red. The lumps of disfigured mounds sat as bodies above the stains. The ship he remembered running off of was in ruins in the distance. The water lapped gently against the carrier that once held at least 1000 living, breathing soldiers. Soldiers with lives, with families, with loved ones. They now lay motionless on top of the sand that would serve as their graves until the ground unfroze. They died with their memories. Some wouldn’t even be named.

The planes.

They showered bullets from the sky when no one had any idea that they would attack. They were certain that they were in the clear. So many enemy planes… Too many to count. He saw a group of six as he first jumped out of the ship. He was the first to scream to the others that they were under attack. Then he saw another six… and another six. His breathing had become erratic. The panicked feeling was setting in again. He had no time to feel it then. He was drunk off adrenaline. He covered his face with his hands. His body was shaking now, the cold had crawled onto his uniform and finally attached to his scarred skin.

He shook with the sobs that wracked his body. He was too ashamed of himself. He knew no one was here alive to see him. The thought that their spirits looming over him and cursing his existence haunted him. He remembered. He remembered. The sand didn’t provide grip for running. There was a bomb. He had seen it. That one moment he had turned around, that split second, he, Kokichi Ouma, was frozen in complete and utter fear.

It was unlike him to quiver at the doors of death. He had survived the blow. Being blasted a couple feet. He wasn’t the only one who was hit with the sudden stinging pain. He could still feel the singed parts on his uniform. The hot overwhelming air came rushing to meet him. He had gasped at the wrong time. It burned his throat. His cries, even now, came out ragged. His hands clenched at the dying beach grass. That once stood tall and lively.

After the blow, the air was whacked out of him. He remembered the way he harshly grabbed at the air, trying to breath. It came in too fast. He coughed so much, it hurt, it burned him inside and out. He got up anyway after that. Oh, but reality came in a deafening roar past his ears. So loud that the worlds sound muted itself. The screams, the sound of the planes coming so close to the ground just to play target practice with these people's lives, the machine guns, the groans of innocent lives leaving bodies with one last pained breath.

The hit passed right through him. Under his rib on his left side. The bullet was small but it burned like hell. He could still hear the sickening sound his head made with it met the frozen ground below him. The hollow thunk that echoed in his ears. He remembered muttering the first prayer in his life before he was sure his life was slipping away.

He forced himself to roll onto his side. His uninjured side, and heaved into a sitting position. His head weighed heavily on his shoulders. Pain screamed throughout his upper body. He keeled over again. Falling on his elbows, refusing to stay down, he felt as if someone was telling him to give up. To let the aftermath sweep his body away. He groaned again, this time a mixture of agony and anger. He pounded his fist into the ground out of sheer frustration, not caring how bloody they were already. He could work through this pain. He’s pulled through it before.

He inched to his knees, moving from his elbows to his hands. Now on all fours he hauled himself onto his feet. Only two steps forwards and he stumbled back to the ground. Pins and needles felt stuck in his joints like medical tape securely around his wobbly knees. Standing up like he did, sent any remaining blood back through his legs and arms, but the end effect leaving him nauseatingly light headed.

Any food he consumed before wanted to come back up. It twisted painfully in his stomach. His throat felt sensitive, ticklish and raw. His tongue was dry and his lips were cracked. Even with this, he pulled himself to his feet again. Praying to the high heavens that there was no one here to _take care_ of the survivors. He glanced unwillingly at the ocean before him. Bodies floated in the still waters that gently rubbed up against the sand. A fog had set over the shore. Shielding the fallen soldiers, a soft blanket before the snow came to freeze their tousled limbs that would drain the last remaining blood they held.

Kokichi pressed a hand to his wound as he trudged on. Hoping that he wasn’t the only living one among this graveyard. He wouldn’t even consider himself living. He was as pale as the dead. Abandoned on this beach, left to die and rot with the rest. He remembered it had been midday when they attacked. Now, it seemed late morning. The sun was masked by the clouds, making him shiver. The blood around his wound froze. He still held a hand there, the pressure helped the pain.

He just wanted to go home. He wish he wasn’t eligible to be drafted. He wished he wasn’t nineteen. He would give anything to be fourteen, too young and dumb to fight. He just… wanted to go back to his small little house. He wanted to have at least a nice bath or be wrapped around with a blanket. To be warm and safe next to Shuichi.

He stopped in his tracks. The blood in his veins ran colder than the air that enveloped him.

Shuichi.

How in god's name could he of forgot about the love of his life. Thousands of miles away. An ocean apart, with a separate battle to win. He whipped around despite the searing pain in his side. It had been three days on that stupid boat. The small moment both had before they departed had left his heart heavy. He knew the dangers of this mission, but trusted the air force to protect them.

_“Kokichi…” He whispered in his ear as he held him lung-crushingly close. “Don’t leave me… please.” He knew he had to go no matter what he said. They were separated in different divisions. Sent to different worlds. But the meaning behind the words meant something more grave. Heavy words that not dare leave his tongue. The mere thought would cause the taller to regret not faking an injury at the very beginning. Kokichi knew it all._

_Shuichi didn’t want him to die. “You know you can’t kill me! An Ultimate Supreme Leader doesn’t go down without a fight!” He had smiled at him. Shuichi kissed the crown of his head. “I wish the first part wasn’t a lie…” He mumbled into his hair. The horn sounded to let everyone the ship was to leave very soon. Kokichi kisses the others neck. “...Don’t worry, I’ll come back… we just have to defend a certain territory. Protect some villages on the north shore. We won’t get into too much trouble. I have Kaito with me! We’ll be unstoppable!” He giggled. Only to lighten the mood._

_Shuichi was going to board a packed truck soon. Getting shipped off to defend the border. He held Kokichi’s chin and kissed him sweetly, sealing a promise that they would be back together no matter how many days, weeks, or months apart. A weak promise that both would strive to live. To stay alive. It’s all they wanted. Life was perfect before the war started. Anyone could wish it to go back to the way it was._

_Kokichi broke the kiss, begrudgingly pulling from the others arms that didn’t want to let go. The ship would leave without him if he didn’t go along with it. “I’ll be back Shuichi!” He shouted as he let himself get swept up in the crowd. He saw the raven haired boy wave, he shouted something back but Kokichi couldn’t hear. He saw his lips move though._

_‘I love you!’_

Kokichi fell more times then he could remember. Running past the heaps of bodies, looking, looking, he could care less for his hands that were turning a unhealthy shade of blue. Or the chattering in his teeth. He forgot about the air that nipped at his bare skin on his neck, cheeks and nose. He had little time to notice how red his ears were or how murderous his look gave. He shouldn’t be running. He shouldn’t be looking.

He collapsed again, breathing hard, his hand on his side. It shot knives into his lungs, piercing his throat as he tried to breath.

Where, where, where.

“D-Dammit…” he wheezed, his pupils shrunk, eyes wide as he finally saw it. He finally saw him. Only a couple feet away from where he was now. “No…” he muttered. “No, no, no…” he threw himself to his feet. Running up to the body and shaking him. “K-Kaito! Kaito!” He shouted. Kaito was the only one who he knew that was sent on this mission with him. “Wake up! Please!” He was Shuichi’s best friend. His support. Kokichi could never comfort him the way Kaito did.

Kaito lay face up. The way Kokichi woke up. Sprawled out, with arms and legs open to the sky. Kokichi’s hand shook as he looked at his damage. Burns along the space loving boy. His arms infected with frostbite at the open wounds. A dark puddle of red collected under him. Pale. Cold. Kokichi couldn’t see his chest rising or falling. “No…” realization was hitting him hard. Too hard. Kaito’s neck was bloodied. His leg looked like it took a huge hit and was shattered. His eyes…

Kokichi knew. He knew from the moment he saw him. He refused to believe his own logic, he lies to himself saying that Kaito was just like him. He too, survived. Kokichi checked for a pulse. Trying to prove that lie. But his eyes lay hollow. Colorless. Staring open up at the sky. Kaito was a hero to most in his mission group. A kind, supportive person. Kokichi should of died in his place. The good didn’t deserve to die. He was far from a good person.

He put his ear to Kaito’s unmoving chest. Laying there, just for a moment. He closed his eyes, this all couldn’t be real. The tears had formed again. Why. Why Kaito. He himself never had a good personal relationship with him, but it never stopped him from seeing his pure heart. The heart that beat no longer. Kokichi considered CPR.

But he was gone.

He looked at him to find the killing shot. Kokichi saw two wounds on his right side and left shoulder. He could see bone, the flesh had been blown clean off. The blood had drained long ago. Kaito had died a slow and painful death. He could still see the misery on the once future astronauts face. Frozen like the sand he died on. Paused in a forever horror of his last moments. Yet, Kokichi saw a smile on the boy’s lips. A small and light grin. Eyes face up, as if to look at something.

Kokichi let the tears fall as a thank you to him. For being there for Shuichi, for giving everyone a smile to look forward to because it was contagious. He let himself smile as Kaito’s last.

This boy had died last night.

When the sky was clear, and full of stars.

_____________________________

Shuichi and Kaede stood side by side as their general marched back and forth. They had gathered in the big room where most meetings were held if it was too dark out. Waiting for everyone to come to attention. They had been woken up at 4:20am for another mission call. Shuichi had only gotten off the last bloody fight two days ago. Luckily him and Kaede weren’t hurt badly and got out okay. Kaede only twisting an ankle and Shuichi suffered a small gash to his arm.

All was mended in the end. The bullet had only grazed him.

“Listen up!” His general yelled. Gathering the attention of all soldiers. “We are going to the harbor at 0630 hours! Departing will only take 30 minutes so no slacking!!” Shuichi at the beginning of this was terrified of this man. Over time he got confidence to ask questions. He raised his hand. “Saihara! Questions again or you signing off now!?”

“General sir! Is there a reasoning behind leaving so suddenly?” He asked loudly. He watched his generals expression darken. His eyes cast down, he turns away from Shuichi. “I have gotten word that sector 245 had been completely terminated.”

He heard Kaede gasp and felt the blood drain from his face. “T-Terminated…?” He repeated. His general whipped around and marched up to him. “YES. COMPLETELY ANNIHILATED. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?”

“Y-Yes Sir!” He yelled back feebly. Kaede could sense the fear in his voice, and it wasn’t from being yelled at. “Sir! If I may ask you to clarify?” She requested. The general turned to her. “Just a day ago, midday, the sector had docked at the shore like scheduled. However, they were ambushed by the enemy Air Force. Estimated one hundred planes to attack the beach. Only six hours after the fact, we were notified of the disaster too late to prevent it. We sent a scout to look at the damage, to see how many survivors we had to rescue.”

Shuichi spoke out of turn but surely he’d let it slip this once. “A-And how many survivors..!?” His voice cracking mid sentence. It made the back of his neck burn with the possibility of a horrid answer. He bit his bottom lip to cope with the feeling, but dread remained.

The general turned their back to them. “None. There were no survivors out of 1000 soldiers.” The words burned holes into Shuichi’s mind. As if for a moment he forgot to breath. The air caught in his dry throat. The general continued to give out directions. But Shuichi didn’t catch a word. The world around him fell to his deaf ears. “...that can't be… true.” He whispered weakly. His white complexion going a sickly pale, his head felt too airy. Only able to feel Kaede sneak her hand into his to give a reassuring squeeze.

But it wasn’t reassuring. It didn’t fix the chisel give way the final hit to his heart. It didn’t fix the room and stop it from spinning. It didn’t fix the nauseous feeling in his stomach. It didn’t reverse the attack. It didn’t reverse the fact that Kaito and Kokichi…

Were dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi searches for help, anyone, anyone at all. Exhausted and wounded, he turns to the closest town.
> 
> Even if it went up in flames a mere few hours ago.

The nearest village had probably been destroyed. Kokichi came to that bitter realization after he fled from the beach. He wouldn’t risk staying there. He shuddered at the thought of sitting next to all those corpses. As much as he thought leaving Kaito to rot was horrible, he couldn’t drag his body all over creation. So he had pulled Kaito’s dogtag off and hung it around his neck, next to his. He would give it to Shuichi or Maki once he made it back to safe territory.

It had been at least an hour of him limping through the dead woods that surrounded the beach. It was only after he started his trek that his leg complained heavily against movement. Each step forward was another shard of pain sent up his leg. He winced every so often. He feared he fractured his ankle, since he saw no external wound. He would have to soldier on anyway. The fog in the leafless forest made it harder to see where he was placing his uncoordinated feet. He tripped several times, most blame fell on water that had froze on flat rocks he would slip on. He didn’t have his arms for balance. They were wrapped around him to serve as warmth. 

He was shivering ridiculously, his hands were tucked under his arms because he didn’t want to lose his fingers, when they were so useful when it came to shooting a gun. The pistol, still on him and unaffected by the attack, weighed on his thigh. It wasn’t heavy in weight at all. He could hardly feel it. What was really applying pressure was his aching thoughts. He’s killed innocent lives with that pistol. Even if they were the enemy. They were just like him. Like everyone else. Fighting for their family, fighting for their country, aiming to get out alive. 

Except, Kokichi aimed his gun at their weak spots. With one bullet he’s torn life from peoples hands, rubbed it in the dirt and spit on it. He was a coward. At least, in that aspect. He really was all bark and no bite. But if put in a battlefield… His humanity leaves him. His focus, his natural human, suddenly gears to kill. Kill. Kill. 

His mind pictures Shuichi. It torments him with the thought that if he fell on the losing side to a battle then he would die. It’s far from logic. It’s raw emotion and skin deep thinking. His talent showed brightest in this element. An element he despised from the bottom of his heavy heart. 

Before hell broke loose… He was a student at hope's peak. A school most knew. All the most highest of talents are admitted. He was titled the Ultimate Supreme Leader. He took pride in his name. But no one considered him a leader. They thought of him as a joke. Most did at least. A sad, pathetic leader that had no true purpose. 

It had been two years in boot camp. Snatched out of hope’s peak to serve their country. Ultimates were held in high regard. They were the diamonds in the rough. To have them die would be a great loss. Once that war began, no one had seen him this serious before. He was the goofball of the class. Most teased behind his back on how skinny he was truly under his shirt. How weak and unsuccessful he’d be. To the surprise of many, he was top of his class next to Maki. 

He may look skinny, which he was, but he had muscle with his skin and bone. He had skill. He was well acquired with hand to hand combat. Knife play was his specialty. He didn’t know if it was a leader attribute, but he knew how to defend. He knew how to protect. Most importantly, he knew how to fight. These thoughts made him scoff. 

Protect? ...Defend? ...Fight? All words sat in his mind. His hand made its way to rest on top his gun. Funny he should think that. Seeing as when the attack occurred, he just ran. Out of 1000 soldiers, he was the one out of the few who lived. He didn’t even know how many others survived. Even if most lived through the initial attack, they died off due to injuries. He shivered at the thought of Kaito laying up at the sky, watching it turn dark helplessly. Feeling his life slipping away. Having time to reflect on his life, having the time to regret all he did. To imagine Maki...Shuichi… hell, maybe him. To say goodbye. But never in person. 

He winced. The image of his corpse with that hollow look in his eyes would forever haunt him. It stained his mind like the blood on the sand he knelt down in. His uniform pants still had blood smears where his knees were. He shook it from his mind. The frost covered forest he trudged through was coming to an end. Smoke was rising in the distance, his breath hitched. He was too late, he’s been too late. Their troop was set to protect these civilians… They all probably lay dead at their incompetence. 

He was cautious. Keeping slow on a path of withering grass that led to the little town. He tried to remember what country he was in now, making his ever growing irritations jump at his foggy memory. He knew assortment of languages. He’ll find out when he tries to talk to them. He was out of breath when he passed the first house. It was smoking from different places, some walls had holes in them and roofs caved in. Force was a strong component here. It was a small neighborhood. Or… used to be. Satan let his world out to play here. 

It was ghost-quiet. Only the smell of gasoline and burning firewood soaked the air. Bullet holes marked the walls with the occasional blood splatter. Ashes were extra smears to the canvas. The sound of gentle breeze running through wind chimes hanging limply from their strings... definitely adding to the eeriness of the fog filled graveyard. 

He saw movement out of the corner of his dreary eyes. A house, a little far away, one of the few that hadn't crumbled into a jagged pile of wood, metal, and bodies of the ones who once owned it. he swore he saw people running to hide. So he started his walk back up. Hopefully those people were kind. 

The house’s door was tied shut, since it would hang lopsided from the door frame if not. The windows were smashed in, only boarded up with fallen wood pieces. Either the people inside would try to kill him or open their… broken door graciously. So he risked it and knocked. He stepped back quickly when the person who cracked open the door was pointing a gun at him. His palms faced them in a surrender. “W-Woah, slow down… I’m not the enemy.” He muttered, loud enough for the other to hear. His throat felt too unused. His voice was scratchy, maybe he was screaming too much as he ran for his life.

“Likewise.” Their voice had a rough edge to it. Not like an old man might, a tone someone might use when showing they don’t trust you one bit. He was just glad they spoke the same language. He was too tired to put on a facade. Acting happy was pointless, and he didn’t know these people, so it was fine. “Who is it Haji?” A voice inside asked. They seemed to be right behind the person at the door. “No one we can trust. That’s for sure.” ‘Haji’ said. 

Kokichi could see his eye through the crack in the door. Narrowed, and looking him up and down. “Leave. And you and me won’t be having any problems.” They slammed their door, only making an unsatisfying thunk. Kokichi sighed heavily. Sinking to his knees on the slightly ice covered broken porch of this house. It was dangerous being outside now. He didn’t care, he should... but he was just too tired to hike on. If he just slept for an hour or two without interruption… he would be fine… 

His mind seemed to agree with the idea of sleep. His eyelids were uncomfortable weights to him. Holding them up took energy. He ran low, if he had a battery percentage above his head, it would be in the red. Slowly, it was ending. He felt his body slouch against the broken walls of the house next to the messed up door. Surrendering to his exhaustion. 

He didn’t know how long he was sleeping until he felt someone nudging him. 

“Did they leave you out here? That wasn’t very nice…” A female voice woke him from his sleep. Blinking, he turned his head to see a short pinkish haired girl. “Hm? Oh yeah… I didn’t feel like finding another living being in the next, 25 mile radius…” he closed his eyes again. This person seemed innocent enough. Her voice wasn’t scratchy like the voices in his head. His headache came back after waking. An irritation only described as nails being dragging against a chalkboard. “Oh...You’re wounded, please. Come inside. My four friends won’t mind you too much as long as you’re not a nuisance.” 

Kokichi chuckled hollowly. “I can’t promise anything…” the girl helped him to his feet. He was weak on his legs, but she didn’t seem to mind carrying half his weight. She dragged him inside with one arm around him and his other arm pulled over her shoulder. He was already lagging behind in being aware of his surroundings. He felt himself being sat on a couch. “You can rest here, one of my friends knows medicine… She isn’t here right now but I’ll get her. Okay? Hang in there.” 

Deal. His head hit the back of the couch, and he was out cold again. 

“Why did you let him in?” Hajime looked at their guest who was passed out on the couch. “We couldn’t let him freeze out there. It’s going to get cold tonight. His lips are blue...just look at him. He may not be a friend, but he’s no foe.” She had gestured to him, Hajime sighed heavily. “Fine. We'll help him then he leaves. And where did Nagito leave off to? I can’t find him.” 

Chiaki shrugged. “...I think he left to get Fuyuhiko, or check in on him. See how the raids were going? He’ll be back after sundown. He always is. Now if you’re nice to our guest…” She yawned. “...I’m going to take a nap…” She left upstairs, where luckily the roof seemed to hold up nicely. Hajime stared at their unconscious visitor. “Hm. You’re lucky Nagito likes newcomers. Not that you’re any new.” 

He walked over to him and knelt down next to him to get a look at his uniform. “...Hm, you seem to fight for us. Where's the rest of you?” Surely this soldier had more comrades. He didn’t even know this ones name. He remembered that most had a tag on them. He reached to pull out the necklace around him. Surprised to see two names attached to this boy. “Kaito...and Kokichi? Hm.” He let the tags fall back to his person. 

Since this wasn’t his house per say, he couldn’t really care about how dirty the couch was now. This short fellow was covered in everything he expected someone to be drenched in. Especially if they were on a battlefield. He almost felt pity for him. Almost. He couldn’t really judge. He refused to join the war because of previous experiences with battle. Nagito was with him now, he had more important things to tend to than a bloody fight. 

Someone knocked on the door in a rhythmic tap. He opened it cautiously as always. “Hello Mikan.” He greeted. The purple haired woman nodded her head in a silent address. She stopped after entering, eyes fixed on the new company. “W-Who..?” She began to question. Pointing a finger at the obvious. “Some soldier. I shut him out earlier, Chiaki dragging him back in. You know how she is. If you feel like it, maybe fix him up. He looks like he’s wounded. Only if you care. I don’t mind either way.” He turned his back to step into the next room, maybe double check their rations. “I-I can pull something together… you seem tired. B-Busy day?” 

She spoke a little longer with Hajime as she looked for medical supplies. None of them had gotten hurt lately, the attack on their town had them sent into a panic. Planes had flown over head and bombed their home. Leaving their homes broken and forcing them to flee to the last ones standing. She found some needles and thread, one or two rolls of medical tape and bandages. “H-Hey Hajime, could you h-help me get his shirt off? H-He seems to of been shot…” 

Hajime nodded, only helping because he had nothing else to do except wait for Nagito to return. He might as well pass time. He helped her remove the others clothing, revealing a nasty gunshot wound. “...I-It passed right through…” He heard her murmur. Her eyes scanning the wound, they had gotten water to clean the blood. Surprisingly, their patient was knocked out the whole time. Hajime suspected they might wake him up, but he remained asleep throughout the bandaging. 

“Oh, Hajime…” She whispered after they thought they were done. “...He’s b-burning up.” He put a hand to the boy’s forehead to confirm a fever. Sure enough the soldier was sick. “H-Here… I’ll wash his uniform, just lay him down and p-put the cloth on-” Hajime knew how to take care of fevers. He already accomplished that step. She nodded and left to wash the blood and mud covered uniform top. His pants had some stains on them, blood mostly, but small amounts. They weren't going to undress him that much. 

One of the only other reasons he was helping, was because he knew Mikan’s anxiety seemed to shrink when she had a patient in her mist. She could care less about who the person was, but mending a wound, stitching up gashes… He could see the look in her eyes. Concentrated, fixated on that one thing to mend. They might not be best friends, but they had a decent enough relationship to tell when she was content. 

He found a blanket and lay it over the bare chested boy. So he may not care for the stranger in their presence. That didn’t mean he didn’t have a heart. He knew what it was like to be helpless. This… Kokichi… or, Kaito. They seemed to need all the help they could get. 

He waited for about an hour before Mikan returned with a clean uniform. Only faded blood blemishes remained. They slid it back over the boys head. It was a wonder he hadn’t woken up. The fever must be high, not dangerously high, but hot enough to give way to a bottomless amount of sleep so the body could drink in it to heal. The day was coming to an end. The sun was setting over the frozen land. He closed the shutters to the windows that weren’t broken and tried his best to block out the cold. 

Some snowflakes blew in from the cracks he missed. Winter didn’t seem to care what state everyone was in. The sun had officially gone down. It was at least 20 minutes until he heard the door open, only one person here could untie the door from the outside. “Nagito?” He called out, not really wanting to get up from where he was. “Yes Haji! I’m home! Ah, and you let the little soldier in?” 

Hajime heard him walk over to their sick guest. “I didn’t let him in. Chiaki did.” There was a hum from that direction. He peeked around the corner to find Nagito examining the boy. “He looked like he was in a tough fight, he’s scraped up everywhere…” The white-blond murmured. He stood up to peck Hajime’s cheek. “I came home with glorious news! Fuyuhiko and I ventured out to the beach on the other side of the forest and found a horrible sight.” 

Nagito explained the scene they stumbled upon. Hajime grimaced at his description. “Nagito, how is this glorious news?” The other smiled. “Because it’s where our friend is from! There was also a ship with many supplies on it. More food, water… Fuyuhiko and the rest of the raiders grabbed anything they could carry.” 

Hajime closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. “Did you check for any survivors at least?” Nagito’s smile dropped slightly. “There were so many on that beach Haji. I checked a few, but there had to be at least 300...no, maybe 500 soldiers dead. At least the snow prevented fermentation of the bodies. Maybe they can be preserved until their families come to bury them, oh the despair they will feel… not to worry. It will sprout into a stronger hope—” 

Hajime grabbed his wrist to lead him upstairs. “Before you get all worked up over that topic, I think you should head to bed. It’s late and you need rest.” There was a small ‘Alright’ from the other as he made his way up the steps quietly just in case Mikan turned in for the night. The girl could be such a light sleeper sometimes. Unlike Chiaki. “Will you be with me?” Nagito asked, the hope in his voice made him hard to decline. “In a bit, I’m just going to check a few things first.” 

He nodded and left to their makeshift room. Hajime left back downstairs. “Sorry Nagito…” He muttered under his breath as he grabbed his coat and slipped on some boots. “...It will take longer than a bit.” With that he left through their broken door. 

...

“...Mmhg.” Kokichi turned his head from one side to another. “Kaito…” 

Nagito watched him carefully. It probably came off creepy. But the smaller man here was asleep, so it must be alright. “You must be Kokichi then...” He whispered. He had seen his tags, strange he had two. Whoever Kaito was, it wasn’t him. Nagito picked up the once cold cloth that had slipped off the other and set it aside. The boys tags had been placed next to the couch on a table, that had slight burn marks on the side. 

He picked up the one that said Kokichi on it. 

`OUMA `

` KOKICHI `

` XXX-XX-XXXX`

` A POS.`

` NO PREF`

“What a shame…” He muttered. “All your friends seem to be dead. Assuming that this Kaito is no longer with us.” He placed the tag back down gently. Giving it some respect in that regard. This, Kokichi, fought for their country. Or at least, was in alliance to this country. That was what a soldier was, wasn’t it. In that case, it was good thing they were helping him. Whatever went down on that beach was locked inside this boys mind. He didn’t see any enemy’s dead along that shore… 

Dozen of troops came marching into this small village. They shot at every living thing, planes from above dropped bombs mercilessly. Nagito himself has even seen people he knew die. Luckly, those people didn’t include Hajime. It was a cliche romance. They knew each other since childhood, only to get together officially a year ago. Sadly, the war made intimate progress hard. 

His thoughts were disrupted when he heard a short but sharp gasp. The purple haired boy before him bolted upright in a panic. 

A feverish nightmare. Nagito calmly concluded. “Hey, it’s alright…” He used his smooth voice, one that he’s found people find soothing (at least, according to Hajime) . Despite how people typically act after a disruptant sleep, this boy composed himself rather quickly. “...Who are you.” ‘Kokichi’ eyed him, inching further back into the couch pillow as a way to put distance between them. “I’m Nagito Komaeda. Nice to meet you awake.” He smiled in a friendly way, but the distrust in the others eyes didn’t disapant. 

A smart one, he noted. “Interesting nightmare?” He asked a bit too casually. The other looked away from him. “Something like that.” He muttered. Nagito could sense this was the type of person who liked his personal space, and in all fairness, he was far too close. He backed up at least two feet. He noticed the boy’s hand was over his bandaged wound, Nagito wouldn’t blame him if it hurt. As a kind offer, he left to the other room. “I think I have some painkillers left. Would you like some?” 

He was opening the cabinets to find some when a sarcastic voice sounded from the other. “Suuure. Why don’t I just take pills from a stranger and eat them? Sounds 100 percent safe and not sketchy.” Nagito sighed and stopped his search for them. “Something to eat then? You must be hungry.” This time, there was hesitation before a quiet decline. He grabbed an apple from their stash and cut it into pieces anyway. He placed the slices on a plate and brought them over. Surly their guest thought apples were safe to eat. 

“Fruit? ...where did you find..” Kokichi muttered more to himself as he picked up a slice. He had watched him cut it from the other room, he took a bit and chewed. It had been so long since he had not-dried apples. His diet lately consisted of mostly preserved foods. Depending on the area they were shipped off to, they would have access to certain types, mostly carbs. But fresh fruit? Kokichi gladly took another bite. Nagito had heard his question before. “Ah, well, I was somewhat lucky when looking through the abandoned stores when an apple hit me on the head, turns out, someone had tried to hide food in the ceiling.” 

“Mph…lucky.” he took two more slices, he forgot how hungry he was until he ate something. Soon Kokichi had eaten all the apple slices and Nagito stole the plate back to clean later. 

“May I ask what happened on the shoreline?” He still kept his distance. Just in case this boy became hostile. “...So you’ve seen it.” He stated. A clear observation. “Yes, what was going on down there? Most of us had heard it here and it alerted us. half packed everything they could carry and left. Half stayed, leaving 2 out of 3 percent dead. The only ones here that lived are the five of us here and a couple others. They didn’t want to stay though, so we’re the only ones here.” 

Kokichi was silent. He didn’t look too well either. From the dim moonlit room, he could see he was sickly pale. He was so excited to see what happened, he neglected the thought of the others health. “Sorry, I guess now’s not the time.” He bid him goodnight. Thinking and considering on his way back up the stairs. The look in his eyes when he asked about the beach. Ghostly hollow. He may have been sitting right in front of him, but he himself was somewhere else. Somewhere he hated to be. He could almost peer into his eyes at that moment and see the horrors flash by like lighting, cracking across the once clear sky. His mind had cracked, something inside had changed. 

Nagito backed off by then. Already in his room, laying on his and Hajime’s mattress. He knew Hajime wouldn’t be back anytime close to soon. He could tell the other—whom he grew quite fond of in the past year—was worried about their friend who hadn’t come back. Fuyuhiko. He had a knack for snuffing out trouble. Hajime probably went to find him, but he turned over on his side. He knew worrying wouldn’t bring him back, so he let his eyes close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured a happy-ish ending would be okay for now. no one else dead yet. so save da tears for later chapters. ;P


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi can't seem to catch a break. The more he goes along, the more death he seems to run into. 
> 
> Even if those deaths put blood on his hands.

Kokichi didn’t sit up straight away when his eyes first opened. Instead, he lay for quite some time. His head felt airy, light with nothingness. Yet his skull weighed him down. Like it was filled to the brim with sand and he could feel it rub against his temples. The headache bounced from one side to the other, jostling around his will to slam his head into a wall.

Regardless of his irritation, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He still felt small cuts with his delicate fingers. The skin under his tired purple hues felt worn. Almost stiff. He blinked again in an attempt to clear the fatigue. He pushed his legs over the edge of the couch. He had spent too long here, it must be at least late morning. “Leaving already?” A voice came from a girl who just entered the room. She was rubbing her eye with another yawn.

“Nagito wanted to ask you somethings I think...you’re also hurt so, why leave so soon?” The girl—Chiaki, if he heard right yesterday— looked at him through glassy, tired eyes. She seemed to always looked that way, always in a relaxed manner. “I don’t have to stay any longer.” He retorted, pushing himself to his feet uneasily. These people were nice, but he had to go. “Do you need to be somewhere?”

He was about to leave when she questioned him. His hand stopped on the door handle with the rope tying to to the door frame. What was he going to do? Wander until the earth reclaimed him? Find someway to contact the others? Play sitting-duck on the beach until someone arrived? No.. definitely not the last option. He couldn’t stand to be around so many rotting bodies. “I have a duty to protect you don’t I?” He asked quietly. Only now just feeling how sore he really was. Most of his muscles were tense, not relaxed, especially after that sleep.

“...Kinda, no one really knows why you are here in the first place. All those soldiers on the beach? You just appeared there…” Chiaki yawned. Kokichi glanced at her. So no one told this village about their coming. Maybe it was too much work, or if they never filled their end of the bargain, the people wouldn’t get mad. How unfair. These people deserved to at least know someone out there was thinking about their safety.

“Someone must be keeping secrets around here…” he smiled, the smile was from starved excitement. The excitement of a lie. Someone hadn’t told everyone of this news.

Someone, was lying through their teeth.

“I don’t think so… no one has a reason to keep secrets.” That was a naive thing to say. “Sure, sure. But I have a job to do. Which way did that troop go that wiped through here?” The girl had slowed in response, not very convenient for him. “Well… some just cleared right through and went north?, I don’t know what the rest did—”

The shatter of glass tore through his mind too vividly. He ducked on instinct, the ringing of gunshots whizzed pass his ears. Just missing him. “You could have told me they were still here..!” He yelled in frustration as he got off the floor to pull her head down. It was a machine gun. “...I didn’t know they were here.” She whispered, her eyes still wide with shock.

“Who else is in this house?” He hissed as he kept her from trying to look through the window. “...no one, they all left this morning.” She threw her hands over her ears as another round shot off. Kokichi’s hand flew to his pistol, if they got any closer he would resort to it. Yet a small pistol won’t take out someone with a bigger gun. The ones he could carry on his back were far from his reach. Another round was let out and glass flew at them.

“Are there any guns in this place?” He asked, not entirely serious. “Y-Yes. Upstairs. Nagito keeps a stash.” She informed. Kokichi tugged her back when she went to get up. “Tell me where it is. Then stay here. And don’t move.” He ordered, the strict tone caused a visible fear in this girls eyes. “...second room to the right, there’s a HK G36k and a M16A4… Ammo is with it under the bed.”

He nodded, pushing her head down again when gunshot rang out. They were getting closer, to the sound of it, there seemed to five or seven, possibly ten. One person was firing, others moved, then they fired. Kokichi shot up and ran up the stairs, bullets seemed to follow him. He had no helmet, he held his breath as he felt it fly past his face. To his paranoia, they were much closer than reality. He threw open the door and reached under the bed, grabbing what he could first.

Ammo was next to it as promised, he locked and loaded. The window in that room was boarded, but ripping it off was no problem. He saw them, low in the dead grass. The enemy inching closer and closer to these peoples only safehouse. Something burned from the bottom of his heart and it erupted into anger. Pure fury, a lie, he told himself over and over to purposely work himself up. He hated needing to pull the trigger, he hated killing another life forced to fight them. He hated the fact he told himself that these people killed Kaito. He hated it. But he had one job. One life he could protect.

And it started with aiming at one’s head. No helmet. Wide open. Kokichi grit his teeth and fired. The person dropped dead the second their skull shattered, and it was the next bastards turn. The group had found his position immediately, taking their focus off Chiaki. He ducked and bullets blew off the window frame. He dashed out of the room and downstairs to see if Chiaki hit. She had stayed right where he instructed, in fact, the look of petrified fear remained in her shaking eyes. No longer relax. Though, you can tell she was trying.

Good. She was exercising a healthy fear.

“Get over here. This house is weak as it is.” He waved his arm for her to get over to him. She crawled quickly to where he was crouched. His gun was aimed towards the opening. In a sense, they were cornered. Backed into the room where no good could come from. This girl would live. He’s decided her fate already. He counted down the seconds until they would crash in at the same time. Where ever her friends where now, had left at the right time, or the wrong time. Because both were at the mercy of luck.

_4...3..._

He estimated the door.

_2…_

The person coming through there was going to get shot in the chest. Right through the heart.

_1…_

The door slammed open, breaking the rope like twine. Kokichi fired twice. Realizing just in time that there were two people. Two sickening thunks hit the floor. Heavy bodies collide with the wooden ground of the house with the extra clack of their guns falling. “Wh-What..?” Chiaki was staring at one of the people. Her expression formed into a disbelieving shock. She left Kokichi’s side and hurried over to one of the people.

“Chiaki what are you doing? There are more of them out there!” He went to pull her back, but stopped when she went to remove the mask of one enemy. Revealing a short blond haired man. “F-Fuyuhiko…” She whispered. Kokichi remembered hearing that name. Only, it was too late to of met him. Because his blood lay on his hands. “Huh, your friend is your enemy” He realized, probably sounding a little too heartless. This man wore his opposite colors. A crimson stain formed where his heart stood. “No… he said.. He said he quit. He said he was with us..” She murmured sadly.

“What a liar.” He mused. He grabbed her back, her squirming to get back to her friend didn’t stop him from pushing her to the wall before another broke in. Her life was his responsibility. Betrayal of a friend that lay dead at their feet meant _nothing_.

That was the fantastic thing about war. No one cared about your friends. No one cared about who you hate, or who you love. People you were told to rise against, shot at your family without thinking about what life they would be ripped away from. He was emotionally stupid in that department. He knew the meaning of life while most took it for granted. He was taking that opportunity to learn it. In just one shot. Another enemy was hit between the eyes. He was a terrific shooter. He hated it. Why can’t his miss. Why can’t he give mercy.

In times like this, he liked to just touch his checkered scarf, the tattered pieces of fabric his first family gave him. But when trying to find it in the pocket that he kept it securely in, he let his head hit the wall in dumbing apprehension,

That it was gone.

________________________________________

“Shuichi…” Kaede tapped on the door. “Are you alright?”

They were on the ship, protected by two other smaller ships side by side, two planes a couple miles in front of them, and two behind. They had gone all out to make sure, these soldiers got across the ocean and docked safely.

The door opens for Kaede to enter. It’s a small room. Hardly big enough to hold two people. The glory of ship bedrooms. “Shuichi...Locking yourself in here away from everyone else won’t make things better…” She whispered. Shuichi’s eyes were red and clear exhaustion sat in them. “I know…” He whispered in the same tone. “I just hate being seen like an absolute mess…” He wiped his eyes again, he’s been trying not to cry. But knowing Shuichi, emotions were always hard to beat down into a little corner to play with later.

“It’s okay you know…” She grabbed his hand. “To be upset.” He bowed his head to stare at the floor. She sighed. “But it’s not okay to just give up…” He looked back up at her as if to argue but she spoke over him. “I know you… You need others to give you a thumbs up, which is not in the least a bad thing. Just… once they disappear you convert to defeatism.” She lightly chuckled. Shuichi didn’t argue back, knowing himself in that aspect she was right. “But Kokichi, he’s…”

“Dead?” It was hard even for her to say. She winced on the word, but she wanted to stand strong for Shuichi. He was silent, already struggling with the reality himself. “He… promised to come back.” He muttered, his lip quivered, so he covered his face with his hand. “I-I promised to meet him again…” He whispered, only to fall into a more hushed voice. Kaede hugged him tightly. “I know, I know…” Shuichi hugged her back, it must be so selfish of him to pretend she was Kokichi.

“...K-Kaito wanted to go to space before the war.” He whimpered. “He had dreams he wanted to accomplish…” Kaede teared up at the words he spoke. They hurt because it was the cold uncaring truth. “I-I know…but for his sake… for his and Kokichi’s sake… together we can beat the enemies ass to avenge their unfair deaths. 1000 soldiers shouldn’t of died on that beach Shuichi! And sitting here until we see the damage isn’t going to do much! Grieving is natural, but it can wait!” She took him by his shoulders, watching the tears stream from his eyes. “Can you do that? Can you find the anger in you? The sadness? And use that to fight?”

Silence permeated the air as she waited on an answer. “Yes… but Kaede…” He looked into her eyes. Her purple eyes that reminded him of Kokichi’s. “I refuse to believe he’s dead. Kaito… Kokichi… I want to see their body first.”

Yes, Shuichi was hoping. He hoped with every fiber of his being that his best friends, his lover, were alive and breathing. That they were still, even now, striving to survive. “...Me too Shuichi. Me too.”

They had two hours before the ship made it to the same beach that turned into a graveyard for too many. Shuichi’s nerves increased every minute the closer they became. Truth was, he didn’t want them dead, or to see their lifeless body if they were. The thought of Kokichi laying on that beach in his own puddle of crimson defeat. It caused his heart pain.

There were at least 1400 soldiers on this ship with him, and no one. No one wanted to see what awaited them. Tenko, Himko, Rantaro, Kaede, Maki… all people with him, he knew were terrified of finding people they knew and they loved, dead.

One hour till they arrived and Shuichi was sitting next to Kaede who was trying to cheer up the people around her. His fingers gripped the underside of his seat a little too hard. His knuckles turned a stark white as he tried to calm his anxieties. He felt the ship stop, the rocking continued and it didn’t help his uneasy stomach. His comrades were leaving to the top of the ship to jump onto the beach. He wasn’t going to lie, his eyes were closed when he first was given the opportunity to see the damage.

“...Shuichi, you have to look eventually.” Kaede had stated. Her voice was oddly flat, if it was that bad, then he wasn’t given anymore reason to see it. He grimaced, cracking open his unwilling eyes only to gasp at the trails of blood before him. The bodies scattered along the shoreline like confetti on the floor after a party. He didn’t dare think about which ones was Kokichi. Which one was Kaito. He didn’t want to entertain the idea.

He jumped down onto the beach like hundreds of others that were lining up over on higher ground. He placed his feet on the sand that sunk in a little bit with each step. He had a hand over his mouth to prevent a gag. He’s seen death before. He’s seen many bodies lined up next to each other after a fight. He’s seen more blood than ten dozen people combined. But never has he seen so many bodies in one spot. On one strip of land. The red had dyed the once bright sand and newly fresh snow to the bodily fluid that kept people alive.

He could see it was worst when it was fresh. It had only snowed about an inch, most likely less. The sky was cloudy, the sun had been blocked out for hours. Painting a depressing scene, that scene was viewed with sad eyes. He knew what this meant for him. He knew what it meant for others.

They lined up and were split into sectors. Each troop was send to scope out a village and find survivors if that town had been attacked. If it was safe, then stay there and let the others inform them on the position of the enemy.

Shuichi was split into a group with Rantaro. Their group was sent north, to go through the woods and find that village closest to the shore. He found it sickening how they marched right past the ground of fallen warriors. There was one taking pictures to print in the papers. Saved for future headlines when it’s safe to publish. It felt disrespectful.

They split to their right duty. He stuck next to Rantaro, since he was who he knew the best here. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the dead along the beach at they made their way to the village. “Come on Shuichi, eyes forward.” Rantaro tried, he knew who fell victim to the attack. But Shuichi stopped. His heart rate speeding up at what his eyes let him spot. “Shuichi, come on...” Rantaro grabbed his arm firmly but gently. “W-Wait…” He pushed Rantaro off and hurried over to one spot in the dead, bent grass. “Shuichi, we have to get—” He cut himself off at what Shuichi held up to him.

“I-It’s…” He stuttered, trying his damndest not to tear up again. “...Shuichi, we need to move forward or else we get left behind.” Rantaro said softly, he grabbed Shuichi’s arm again to pull him forwards. Shuichi didn’t want to believe what his eyes were showing him. He ran his fingers over the singed cloth. The edges had been burned, and the left side of this fabric had a hard, dried spot. That was the brown color of unsaturated blood. It was a dark blood stain over the checkered black and white.

It was Kokichi’s scarf.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeah, Fuyuhiko was short lived *Ba dum chhh* Literally. but he comes into play later! kinda? Eh, I won't offer spoilers. (And I promise a good saiouma moment in the future)


	4. Chapter 4

There had been twelve enemies staked out in the village. Kokichi had seen them. The footprints in the snow with the occasional drops of blood gave him an idea on where they were. He and Chiaki had booked it to another ruin of a house. They hid behind the fallen support beams after shooting down the fifth one. His ankle was killing him, and yet he still sheltered his one and only top priority. “They gone yet…?” She breathed, the winter air freezing her breath. Kokichi shook his head. “Doubt it. Where the heck did your friends go?”

She shrugged. “Nagito said something about Hajime, since he never came home, and Mikan mentioned something about supplies…” Kokichi sighed, keeping his eyes trained on the open area around them. “Wouldn’t they be back by now?” He questioned after a few moments of eerie silence. Kokichi never trusted complete silence. It meant they were trying to cover up their location. And damn, it was working.

“If they saw the commotion… they might of fled. I know Mikan would of…” It was a good thing if they did. Staying here would bring nothing but bad luck. His eyes caught a slight move in the dead brush, followed by the cracking of dried twigs. He fired, aimed at that area. That was the closest spot to them. “That’s number six… six more to go.” He mumbled. He didn’t let himself lose focus, but he had to get his idea out. “We should get out of here while we still can… I don’t exactly have an obligation to protect you, so I’m leaving. Follow me or not, I don’t care.”

There was a village east of here. Just as small. More inland to this peninsula, so maybe it was safe to head there. And maybe less snowy, or cold. Because this weather has his fingers red, it hurt when his skin stuck to the metal of the gun. Ripping it off fast would feel worse than a paper cut. “I’ll go with you… as much as I loved this place, it’s not home anymore…” she sadly sighed. “Great. Leaving starts now.” He got off the ground from where he was positioned to shoot and kept his head low. Chiaki followed suit, “If they start shooting, don’t stand still like a deer in headlights. Sounds stupid to point out, but idiots are out there and you seem like one of them.”

She probably took offense to that, but he wasn’t looking to care.

The two minutes of peace didn’t last long before they shot off. Kokichi dropped to the ground and pulled her with him. They were too far away to get them at that angle, running was the worst thing they could do. “You can army crawl can't you?” He whispered, the opposers positioned themselves around them. Too far away to get them good. They just had to forget where they were situated. “M...Mhmm..”

Fantastic. He didn’t like running anyways. He could trade pain in his ankle for his elbows any day. As much as he didn’t like footing it the whole way, doing it like this was a pain too. That is, until he saw an abandoned roofed jeep. He smiled, getting a brilliant idea. “Hey…” He turned to look at her. “Can you drive?”

They discussed a small plan and both sprinted to the vehicle. She got into the driver seat and he jumped into the back and threw open the hood. He always wanted to do this. Praying to god it wasn’t dead. But the engine roared to life and with a jolt, they shot off. The tires kicked up snow and dirt as they sped off. As Kokichi expected, the enemy jumped out of their hiding spots to devise a new plan. But Kokichi loaded his gun and propped it up on the roof. “Say goodbye…” He giggled as he sprayed bullets at them. He probably didn’t get them all, but one was enough.

This area was more open field then he liked. There were forest along the coast line but that was it. More inland it’s field and houses. But all the houses they past that were mostly farms, they were a wreck. Animals lay dead in their pastures, the enemy probably had fun shooting at harmless animals. “Where are we going to..?” She asked as Kokichi sat back down from the roof opening. “Nearest village, you know where that is.” At least, he assumed. He wasn’t the one who lived here.

“...mhmm. But the soldiers who attacked us went this way. ...and we’re a one man army.”

Point made. Even if Kokichi made it to the next town, he would just be target practice for them. As skilled as he is, he can’t take out 30 at once. “Then take us to a place you think isn’t infested.” Chiaki nodded, she made a slight turn onto a dirt road and kept on it. “...we are running low on gas so we might make it halfway.”

Eh. He only needed a quick getaway. Walking the rest when this undependable machine fails on him wouldn’t be too bad. “Then we walk after that. Know anyone in the other town?” She nodded. “...someone named Gundham.”

They were heading northeast, only making it 20 more miles until the jeep puttered to a dead stop. Kokichi hopped out with Chiaki, almost slipping on the icy snow. “Hey, are you okay?” She asked as they started the trail on foot. “...Mikan told me you had a fever before and you don’t look like you’re doing too hot.” The concern in her eyes seemed genuine. Kokichi looked away from them. “No, I’m feeling fine.” He lied. Truth was, he felt sticky, occasionally he would wipe the sweat from his forehead. Even though the weather they were in was far from warm.

He knew he was sick, but the fever must not be too high. He's dealt with worst scenarios anyway. He could still think and do necessary things. Fevers went away anyway. He would be fine in a couple hours. He remembered when Shuichi was terribly sick. Just a months before fall began... though, it was a stomach issue, and not a fever. He was up all night with that boy, up until late the next day. The season had been sweltering hot, and a awful bug was going around. It was a sour memory, but a funny one to reflect on. He could just picture his Saihara lecturing him on stopping and resting, maybe, at least one hour. He wouldn’t be blind to the fact that they had to keep moving. Shuichi was smarter than that.

“Alright… so, the town should be up here. Just another mile or two. Maybe Hajime went there… hopefully Nagito as well.” She smiled. It was a innocently hopeful grin that sparked some jealousy in him. If only he could be so genuinely optimistic. Then he wouldn’t have to fake it all the time. Shuichi was the pessimistic one, not him. Balance was good in a relationship, wasn’t it?

They hiked the distance, they went slower than he liked. One, this girl didn’t seem to walk any faster than a turtle did, and two, he was still mentally complaining on how much he hated walking. Even after these years of grueling training he learned no discipline. Suddenly, he heard the thundering sound of marching, like a group simultaneously stepping together in a strict fashion.

“Uh oh…” He muttered, he sped up to where some trees were. He hide behind the frozen logs and peeked around to get a good look of the land before him. Sure enough, there was the village Chiaki had spoken about.

Completely surrounded by the enemy guard.

 

____________________________________

 

Shuichi tucked the cloth he was all too familiar with in his chest pocket.

It only made him clutch his gun tighter to his chest as his troop ventured into territory they suspected would be infested. “Shuichi, you doing okay?” Rantaro asked is a hushed tone. Shuichi wished he could say he was okay. But his eyes still glistened with tears. He’s been doing a good job on keeping them from slipping, at least, for him that was an accomplishment. “...yeah.” He whispered, so strongly wanting to truly believe that.

He kept his eyes on the snow covered floor below him. Following the tracks his comrades left behind. He should be paying attention to his surroundings, not brushing off the responsibility to someone else. What happened on that shore was weighing on his mind too much. It distracted him from what was more important.

_“You doubt too quickly you know…”_

What a strange memory to recall now….

_“I was just out with Rantaro and Kaede. Not killing myself or whatever.”_

_Shuichi winced. “...but the note.” He looked at the paper again. “...Did you not write this?” Kokichi walked over to him and with a clean swipe, snatched the paper from him and tore it into small pieces. He let the paper bits get caught in the late spring air. “Doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t just, up and leave like that.” He turned on his heels to walk away. But Shuichi grabbed his shoulder before he was out of arm's reach. “You’re scared, aren’t you.” There was no reply. “You’re scared of going. Right? Kokichi, that’s okay… but why did you… that was a suicide note. I swear if that was a stupid prank—”_

_“I wanted to know.”_

_Kokichi cut him off. Turning back around. His purple eyes piercing into his soul. “I wanted to know how you would react if I…” His gaze shooting to the grass floor. “...died?” Shuichi guessed, he almost choked on the word. He hated considering that option. “Yep. Shuichi, if you can hardly handle that, then we can call this relationship quits.” His words stung his heart. He shook his head. “...No, ‘Kichi I—”_

_“Don’t ‘Kichi’ me.” His voice shook with either sadness or anger, but there was emotion in his flat, harsh tone. “We’re done. Clearly you can’t handle me. So, we’re done.” He repeated. Now, looking back up to Shuichi to meet his stare. Clear hurt was sitting in those beautiful amber eyes. “Kokichi...don’t say that, you don’t mean it.” Kokichi roughly pushed Shuichi hand away. “Do I Saihara?” He brought out his last name. Shuichi flinched. “I’ve been growing sick of you anyway. So predictable. So boring. So useless. You can’t do anything by yourself, what kind of detective can’t do things alone, hm?”_

_It was a rhetorical question, Kokichi began to back up. “Even now you’ll go running to Kaede for emotional support. Can’t take it on your own huh? Weak.” Shuichi bit his lip. His eyes fixed on him. Not believing this, it couldn’t be true. “I bet you’ll cry rivers over me. Guess that’s another heart to the jar! You were fun while you lasted, oh, which wasn’t very long.” He giggled tauntingly, and for another time turned to walk away. Shuichi gritted his teeth. This wasn’t going to end like this. “Big words for someone on the frontline!” He yelled._

_Kokichi stopped. Shuichi found the right spot. “I saw your papers you know. They drafted you too, didn’t they? You’re scared of losing me, aren’t you?!” That was it. Fear. Kokichi didn’t say anything. “You’re scared of dying since you were sent to lead the first sector after training. In the oncoming war. I can see it in your eyes. You don’t want to die.” He started walking to Kokichi who hadn’t moved a muscle._

_“No…” Kokichi whispered. “I don’t want… you, to die.” Shuichi sighed. “So breaking up with me was going to fix that?” More silence. He was close to him again. He slowly wrapped his arms around the smaller from behind. “...I thought maybe you could get over me and not have to watch me die whilst you still...loved me.” He whispered with a breathy voice. It was even quieter than before. “...but turns out you know me too much to back track now…” He added. Sinking back into Shuichi’s hold from being tense._

_“I’m scared too…” Shuichi admitted, taking in the scent of Kokichi’s hair as he rocked slightly. “I’m scared to fight… I’ve never been strong. And you were right, I can’t do things without others. So I’m a nervous wreck about it.” It was honest, pure truth. Kokichi turned his head so his ear was against Shuichi’s chest. “...you’re a good liar...you act like it hardly affected you.” Shuichi almost laughed. “...Only because I knew you would be right there with me. Even if hundreds of miles apart.”_

_They stayed there like that, for awhile. The calm empty park around them in the late sky over them made bloomed into a serene moment. It was just them there, no matter how many onlookers saw in their early night stroll. “...you’re right though… about most things. I’m sorry I said that to you. I’m sorry about the fake suicide note, I’m sorry….” He spoke softly. Heavy guilt sat in his words. “It’s okay, just… please don’t do that again.” Kokichi didn’t promise anything._

_It was all said in the silence that the wind carried when it swept away their conversation._

_‘ I’m scared Shuichi’_

_Though the words never made it from the boys mouth, it was stated clearly in the way he kissed him then. Too hasty, so desperate for reassurance that things were okay. It was really the only time..._

_That he saw Kokichi terrified of something._

He blinked. The memory caused his heart to ache. Kokichi wanted to live as much as he did. He was so foolish to think Kokichi was untouchable. No one in boot camp could touch him. No one could beat him in grambling. No one. It strengthened his faith in Kokichi. But he was no superman. Everyone had an achilles heel. Even Kokichi. That one weak spot. That one killing blow.

“Rantaro?” He called, the green headed man turned to look at him. “Yes?” Shuichi thought over his words, checking for flaws, and analyzing his idea before someone shoots it down. “...I saw, I mean, I was in the room when they checked the sky’s and waters for a clear journey to that beach. Even our spies concluded nothing was going to happen. The only way I can think of is that they somehow were watching our every move… meaning they really don’t want us here.” He mulled over the suggestion in his head, it wasn’t a kind one, but… just a mere idea. “...what if there’s someone with us, someone who works for them?”

Rantaro’s frown turned into a grimace. “Not that I like that possibility, but it could be true. But… if they really didn’t want us here, then how come we were able to come a second time and make it past the beach? We’re already halfway through this dying forest. They could have been crossing over somewhere and by bad luck ran into us.” It was a decent guess. Shuichi supposed it would happen. After running Rantaro’s statement through his head again, he noticed something, causing a sickening thought to burst into his mind. He hadn’t realized he gasped until Rantaro looked at him with worried eyes. “What is it?”

Shuichi tried to brush it off. But the blood in his face felt drained. His paranoia peaking it’s top, making his nerves on high alert. “Rantaro…” he started. He looked around, through the dead looking trees and the near white forest floor. That was the problem. People could hide here. “I don’t think they stumbled on us by luck… and I’m sure they don’t want us here. They wouldn’t kill us in the beach because it was e-expected….”

“Oh lord, Rantaro, they were planning to pick us off one by one when we separated into groups!”

Shuichi wished he hadn’t spoken so loudly, because the immediacy of the gun fire that followed after was reality rushing to claim him.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Kokichi ducked back behind the tree. Luckily Chiaki got the idea and hid as he did. Chiaki must of not known they headed this way, he looked again briefly. Or the fact they didn’t kill anyone… maybe some but thank the good heavens they just took most as prisoners. He assumed, nothing was solid, but the houses stood tall, nothing was destroyed, yet.

“What now…?” Chiaki murmured, she was close enough for him to hear. “Gundham is in there… I hope he’s okay…” Kokichi turned to her, her eyes looked tired as she sadly looked on to the town. Her friend was in there, her other “friend” was dead. The rest were unknown. Welcome to his life.

“You are going to make it to another village.” He instructed. “I’ll go in and grab your friend, we’ll meet at a safe village. Let’s say, east. Don’t get yourself killed.” She hesitated, not yet nodding in agreement. “But… how are you getting in there? You’ll be killed…” The concern for him was somewhat off-guard catching, but he turned back to the village. “I have ideas. I’m the one who’s trained in this, not you. What does your friend look like?”

She thought for a moment. “I… haven’t seen him in awhile, we went to high school together… so, let’s go with dark hair, tall, and wears a really long magenta-ish scarf. You can’t miss him.” He nodded. Before going, he took his pistol from his pocket. “And describe Fuyuhiko to me? Personality wise.” She took another excruciatingly long minute to think. “He’s snappy and seems like in a bad mood all the time. He doesn’t really smile and acts all tough most of the time. His full name is Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, Why?” He ignored her questioning. “Here.” He tossed the gun to her, with safety on. “Hope you know how to use it because you are going to need it whether you like it or not.”

She nodded, “Okay… I’m counting on you.” She left back to the Jeep, he doubted she’d use it, he assumed there might be a safe area in that direction.

He sighed, leaning on the tree. He really didn’t feel good. Exhaustion was lingering longer than it should, he didn’t have time to be sick. He had to come up with an idea of getting in and out. He resulted to the one thing he was good at, one thing he played around with before the world went to hell. He ripped off a small string of fabric around his sleeve and tied his hair back.

He wondered how deep Fuyuhiko’s voice was.

________________

“R-Rantaro!?” Shuichi gasped, his hands flew up to were his head was pounding. Only to take his hand away to see the ever familiar crimson dripping from his forehead. He winced, touching it stung too much, but the bleeding had to stop. “...Rantaro?” He repeated, he was blinking a lot, his eyes hated adjusting to the suddenly too bright snow that bounced off the unforgiving sunlight. He didn’t remember how he ended up face down in the snow, all he knew is that he managed to slam his forehead on a rock he didn’t see before due to the chilling element.

He groaned, it hurt, the pang of ringing sensation seared across his mind. He pushed himself to sit up, he head spun and he revolted a nauseous feeling in the back of his throat. “Shuichi..?” That familiar voice feebly called out. He whipped around despite the arguing in his head. “Rantaro..!” He lay only two feet away, leaning against a tree that had previously fallen over. “Oh good… for a moment there, I thought you hadn’t made it…” he breathed, a hand over his lower chest.

Shuichi sucked in a sharp breath of air and forced himself to stand. “You don’t look… too good, I… I can’t remember what happened.” He admitted, still light headed. He crouched next to Rantaro who was trying to get up. “They attacked… just like you thought..” he panted, already out of breaths from attempts. “I think I… I think I broke something, it’s… gh, hurting.” Shuichi held out a hand for him to grab, which he gladly did.

He stood the other up, both practically leaning on each other. “Is… the rest…?” Dead? He meant to ask, from the bloody bodies before them, he assumed so. He looked away, never really liking red on white, the snow was fresh too. “Yeah… most look like headshots… others strait through the heart or throat…” Shuichi gritted his teeth. Another ambush. They were good, all they did here was walk into a trap.

“W-We need to warn the others..!” Shuichi realized. “Do...Do you still have the radio on you?” Rantaro’s eyes lit up with the same hope, he reached into his back pocket and fished out the radio that only suffered a couple scraps. Shuichi nodded, encouraging him to start the report.

Rantaro clicked the button. “Hello, this is group 78 checking in, do you copy?” He said smoothly. As if he wasn’t in pain. There were minutes of silence, if they didn’t respond, he had to try again. “Hello, this is group 78… do you read me?” He asked again. No response. Shuichi was beginning to think that the others had gotten hit too. He bit his lips in anticipation. His growing anxiety that Kaede.. no, she would of made it. She was strong enough.

“This is group 47, Copy that.”

Both Shuichi and Rantaro sighed in huge relief. “We’ve been ambushed, only two survivors out of 18.” He reported. Another minute wait, hopefully that group hadn’t suffered the same inflictions. “You aren’t the only ones. Group 49 and 23 were wiped out. What’s your 10-20?”

“Near the end of the north forest. Not sure where the enemy left to, both of us lost consciousness after the attack.”

“Figure that out soon, because we're trying to keep our groups from being picked off. Group 60 and 99 met up and are trying to recollect some because there is power in numbers.”

Rantaro sighed a pained breath. “...Roger that.”

“Over and out.”

He slid the radio back into his pocket. “...how are we figuring that out?” He asked. “Shuichi?” Shuichi wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were focused on something else. “Well…” the raven haired boy started. “If your well enough to keep moving,” he pointed into a certain direction. “We should follow the footprints.”

Since Shuichi was the one who suffered less injuries, he got the honor of leading the way with Rantaro using him as a walking stick. The footprints were fresh, he deducted. Meaning they hadn’t been out for too long. But as the gods above loved to make his struggle, it started flurrying. “We better hurry up…” Shuichi realized, “the snow will cover up our only lead…”

“I’m slowing you down.” Rantaro stated. Shuichi didn’t like the idea he knew he was going to toss out. He kept walking anyway. With Rantaros arm around his shoulders, he squeezed his wrist tighter. It didn’t matter if his extra weight slowed him down. It didn’t matter his strength was weakening, it didn’t matter. He would soldier on, he’s had to carry heavier things in training. So no matter what, he was going to keep going with Rantaro. “...Let me off here. You can follow the prints to where they are, take my radio and report them.”

Shuichi stopped abruptly. “No. Rantaro, I’m not leaving you out here to die. If you stay, I stay. Screw where the enemy is, I...I lost Kaito and Kokichi. You aren’t next!” He shouted, the anger and left over emotions still hadn’t died. He shivered, the snow hitting his chilled skin didn’t make him any happier. “...Shuichi, you have to let go of personal relationships. This is war. We… have a job to perform.” Shuichi still didn’t let go, he stared at Rantaro with stubborn eyes. He sighed, Shuichi was always too caring. “...I’m injured, I’m pretty sure I broke a rib or two… moving doesn’t make it better. If I stay back and have time to rest maybe, maybe, I can get up. Do you doubt me Shuichi? I’m the ultimate Survivor. I’ve been in worst situations…”

He pulled his arm off of Shuichi. Who was resistant to the action. “Follow the prints. Report where the enemy is. And come back if you can. Don’t get yourself killed. I’m counting on you.” Rantaro tossed him the radio, that Shuichi almost didn’t catch. “R-Rantaro, But…”

“Think of it this way.” He started in a tone was was ever increasingly growing tired. “...you, are fighting to protect me. Soldier, Shuichi. Remember? I know you’re the ultimate detective, so use that to your advantage. Please…” he whispered his plea quietly as his sunk to the snow covered ground, wincing in the pain he was caused. “You...can do it, okay?” He looked frail, his eyelids drooping. Shuichi looked away from him, down the direction of the fading foot path. “...O-Okay.” He weakly replied.

So begrudgingly, he trudged on. Fighting the headache that was bouncing off the walls of his head harshly. With each hit created another pain. The bleeding seemed to of stopped, which was good, but he would go in and out of pain on the way to locate the enemy. He did his best to ignore the twisting knife in his head, he focused on the footprints. The images of Rantaro getting killing flashed through his mind helplessly.

He couldn’t help but grow frustrated. His head was causing him a dull thumping against his skull. His heartbeat was making it irritating. What if he died before he got to see Kokichi again? If he was dead, at least his body… He grimace. If he did die, what in life would he be happy to say he did? The only thing he could think of was meeting Kokichi, but that was luck.

He shivered, what would his parents do? He could admit his family wasn’t poor, but he wasn’t the richest family out there either. His parents… last interaction hadn’t been on the joyful side.

 

...

_He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. He was in the top floor of the hotel, a huge, expensive sweet was where he stood before now. He didn’t get the greatest job, therefore didn’t get the priciest homes like his parents prefered. He felt off in such a rich environment. It smelled like perfume you’d find in your ancient grandmother's house. Clean and worth hundreds of dollars._

_The door opened. Suddenly wishing he hadn’t told Kokichi to wait in the car. This won’t take long. Just a couple minutes._

_“Hello Shuichi.” His father greeted formally. Like he was some client. “Afternoon father.” He addressed him in the same tone. The older man stepped aside to let him in. Honestly, he felt like a stranger to them. Shuichi had a firm belief that it was because they were blood tied that they even spoke to him._

_The hotel sweet was fancy. Nice expensive carpeting, white and benge coloring everywhere he’d look. His mother, was standing in the living room, A flat screen TV mounted on the wall with the rich fabric cover couches. She stood behind the glass coffee table, flipping through news channels. Striking a bored pose with her hand on her hip while the other held the remote as she lazily flicked through the different newses. She wore a black tight lace dress. A noticeable difference between her surroundings._

_She had probably just gotten off a meeting. She was an actor, of course she would look presentable even when the cameras gone. “Ah, Shuichi. You’ve arrived early.” She commented without sparing him a glance. A look he gave up on searching for when he was younger. “What is the news or information you said you had to tell us?” She set down the remote and promptly sat down on the couch. Crossing one leg over the other, with hands folded in her lap. His father, had taken to switching the security cameras on. Just in case he because a fan of theirs._

_It always felt nice being trusted. Really._

_“I...don’t intend on staying for long. Just to see you once before I go…” He said, staying mostly near the door to confirm his statement. “Go where honey? As far as I’m aware, you can’t get into another country without leeching off us. Is traveling worth us breaking our schedule?” She narrowed her eyes at him. He sighed, it’s just like them to ignore what's been going on with the… lets say, lesser people. Not that people who had near to empty pockets were lesser._

_“...The war has been declared and soldiers are needed. I’ve been drafted, I leave to training next week… Then I’m, on the field.” Battle field, he meant. But if they had a heart somewhere in their hollow chest, he wouldn’t want to worry it. “Ah, so you might not come back. I see.” She calmly said. She stood up and walked over to the mini bar. His father already placed a wine bottle in the center before hand. She daintily picked up a wine glass and poured herself some red wine. Filling it hardly halfway._

_It hurt. Almost. The way she so carelessly accepted the fact he could die. “Maybe it will teach you some discipline.” His father spoke. “You know—straighten, You up a bit.” He didn’t like what he had emphasized. His mother hummed an agreement into her glass. “I’ve always… done what you asked of me.” He decided to play it dumb. “That’s not what we mean Shuichi.” His mother cooly corrected._

_Nonchalantly walking over to him. She always had a sashay when she walked. “Not that I don’t dislike that community, gay, bisexual, I just didn’t expect it in you. Your father on the other hand… Hm, I wouldn’t say he approved. But we didn’t come to talk about your little… ah, I’ve forgotten his name. You’re little intimate relationship. Did we?” Shuichi resisted in biting his lip out of nerves. “That’s right…” He nodded._

“ _So this is a goodbye? Farwell? Well, you were a cute child while it lasted…”_

_He looked up at her. “What are you saying…?” She only set her glass back on the shining marble table. “You don’t know? I guess looks don’t promise brains do they.” She’s irritated. He could tell. She was normally polite, until she gets snarky. It means something was bothering her heavily. Would it be too good to be true if she was worried about him?_

_“Shuichi, you’ve never been the strongest. Well, physically or emotionally. Being put into war won’t be kind to you. Because you came from us doesn't give you exceptions this time.” His father remarked. Shuichi grinded his teeth, a good trade for clenching his fists. “When has it ever?” He murmured. Clearly loud enough for both to hear._

_“Don’t play ungrateful teenager with us. Don’t act like we don’t know the tropes.” She sighed. Pouring herself another Glass, slightly over halfway this time. “...I don’t know, you seem to being playing the role of snot-nosed parents pretty well.” He hissed. This was what he was afraid of. Losing his cool in front of them would result in a bigger verbal altercation than he liked. “But you’re an actor, so I guess that’s what you do best.” He added. Crossing his arms._

_His mother scoffed quietly, more to herself. “Don’t give me that. Without us you wouldn’t be under a roof at night. So please, learn where you stand between us.” She hinted at her and her husband. “Yeah, I remembered you as my allowance half my life. Thanks for the TLC, really felt it.” His sarcasm was going to be the death of him. “Raise your voice any higher and I’ll call down to remove you.” His father threatened. “Oh, Because you can’t handle your own son? You don’t even treat me like I was ever your child. I come to just tell you ‘oh yeah I’m being shipped off to war, and I might die!’ and you roll your eyes. How else am I supposed to take that?”_

_His mother loudly sipped her wine. “One day you’ll learn when to stop asking for attention. You’re 15 for pete sakes.”_

_“17. Mother.”_

_She kept talking. “You going to war doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Young man of a wealthy family? Who won’t carry on the family name anyway? Seems like a good candidate to me.” She scowled as she downed the rest of her second helping. “So you...don’t care?” He said quietly. Still foolishly looking at her for a statement to refute that fact. “Of course I care.” She said. Not looking at him. “Just… well, maybe little less than I should. I’m not one to lie with words. Acting is really different than real life, isn’t it?” She poured herself another._

_He stayed silent, just processing it. The words she said to be her truth. “If I died? You wouldn’t care if I...If I was shot to death..?” His voice cracking on the last word. “It’s nothing against you Shuichi.” His father said in his deeper monotone voice. “I’m sure if something were to happen to us, you wouldn’t show for the funeral.”_

_The words stung, but they were so painstakingly true. But… there was a difference. At least, he felt there was. “B-But you…I tired to do something to be worth cared about… what did I not do?” The tears were already arriving. Not now, he pleaded with himself. He didn’t want to look anymore weak then the light they saw him in. “We were young Shuichi. 23 and 25 when you came around. Married too young, we were popular and it got to our heads.” His father argued, or more so, started a too long of a reply._

_He always knew he was unplanned. It showed in their parenting. “You gained us more popularity across the media. So when I say it has nothing against you, I’m telling the truth. We all can agree a proper relationship never formed.”_

_“So… you just used me.” He dumbly stated. His father shook his head. “No, Shuichi, everyone is going to use each other. In platonic relationships or not. We abused you.”_

_Shuichi fought back the urge to look up at the ceiling to prevent his tears from rolling down. “Why are you telling me this now?” he asked, looking more away from them so they didn’t have to see his face screw up in an obvious hurt. “Face it Shuichi. Darling, war is not the place for you. People tell secrets before one goes don’t they?”_

_So they had no faith in him._

_He opened his mouth to say something, but no words formed in his mind. Well. Many did. Too many. So many that if he tried to speak it, he wouldn’t make any sense. “I see we're done here.” his mother coldly muttered. She pointed to the exit for him to take his leave. “But mom…!”_

_“Don’t call me that.” She harshly rasped. “Do I really deserve that title after letting my own flesh and blood turn into a depressed homosexual failure!? Going off to war?! What did I do in your life to benefit you?! So leave! It won’t make any difference!” She yelled._

_“But—”_

_“Leave!” She slammed her glass on the mini bar table, causing it to crack.The fracture created a spider web effect over he empty wine glass. He flinched. “Y-Yes… Mrs. Saihara.”_

_He left._ _After meeting Kokichi back up in the car, he was oddly silent._

_“I say we order take out and stay home tonight, sound good?” Kokichi had kindly offered. He was already calling to cancel their reservations for that nice restaurant. He wasn’t feeling like anything public anyway… not after that. Kokichi didn’t even know what unfolded, and he was already rushing in to make amends. He really couldn’t ask for a better partner. “...Thanks…” He sighed. “Sorry for being a pain…”_

_Kokichi hummed. “Nah, you can’t pain me. Well, you could.” He winked. Already trying to make Shuichi smile. “Let’s just… go home.” Shuichi sighed, he buckled himself in. “Was it really that bad?” Kokichi asked after they got back on the road._

_“Let’s...talk about it later.”_

_..._

 

Kokichi never did find out what happened. Because Shuichi never told him. He always brushed it off. He wish he hadn’t now, they only got that one moment before Kokichi left for the boat. Before that, they were seperated for a month. Just two minutes together before Shuichi would never see him again. Or… maybe he was alive. He still wanted to see some part of him. His scarf, half drenched in blood that was undoubtedly his. It didn’t send across good signals.

The snow was coming down heavier. He could still see the footpath, but it would last long. So he broke into a run, he would come face to face to them he was wasn’t cautious.

He took a sharp right when he skidded to a stop. Just a couple meters ahead of him was another group. If he wasn’t mistaken, group 24. Kaede and Maki’s group.

But before he could call out to them, there were screams, followed several ground shaking explosions. His hands flew to his ears, and the area filled with throat burning smoke. Then another detonation, He could hear the dull thuds of bodies hitting the trees. “K-Kaede?! M-Maki!?” He tried to scream, but only ended up coughing. He tried to will himself to stop, but the smoke hadn’t cleared.

He bolted forwards nonetheless. Making a grab for the radio. But for a fleeting second, the smoke parted. He saw the enemy fleeing. And he caught a pair of eyes. Those eyes he could never mistaken anywhere. His jaw dropped, the person he’s grown to know so dearly. The person he’s slept with for over a year. Running in the opposite direction, wearing opposite colors. Turning their back to him. He stifled the gasp. He was just seeing someone he missed horribly. A hallucination.

“Shuichi…?!” He turned around to see Maki coughing from the smoke. But he didn’t react. He felt her grab his wrist to pull him in the safety of the fallen trees in case they decided to shoot off the rest. “Shuichi, how did you… Shuichi?”

He was still looking in the direction in which the enemy ran. “K-Kaede...where?” He tore his eyes away from his disbelief to looking for Kaede, Maki had survived the bombing. So where was Kaede. Maki fell silent. He looked at her with pleading eyes. “Maki...where’s Kaede? She was in your group… wasn’t she?” Maki stared at him with hollow eyes. “Yes. She was.” He looked around again. The snow blurring the bodies before him. “T-Then where…? Where is she?” That’s when the reality sunk deep into his chilled skin. ‘She was’ Maki had told him.

“She was killed instantly in the first bombing. Before you stumbled on us. She hit a tree too hard. Shuichi, she’s dead.”

His jaw fell open, wanting to say something, but couldn’t. “N-No…” He muttered. “No, no. not… Where is she then? Where?” This wasn’t true. He left Maki’s side and pushed himself forward to find evidence. “T-Tell me you’re lying…” He breathed. Maki pointed to a tree. Not too far from them. Did he want to see? But Maki was leading the way, his body moved without the consent of his mind.

“There, she was blasted after the first hit. Her skull cracked, don’t look if you can’t handle it.” She warned. Shuichi looked anyway. She was slumped against the tree. Her eyes concealed with her hair. Her blonde hair was dyed with fresh blood that seeped down her face. It trickled down the long strands and dripped onto her uniform. “Ka-Kaede…” He found himself crying. His hands went to try and stop his tears. Maki stood a couple feet away. Arms crossed and looking off into the distance.

“Shuichi.” She said. “I know who killed her.” He turned to look at her. Still trying hard not to completely lose it. “Who.” He’d kill them. He would avenge her death, even if it meant 10, 20, or even 30 soldiers in his way. He’d slaughter them for murdering someone who had that much potential.

“Kokichi did.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there is a time gap. Surprise!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Kokichi is smart and stupid. But mostly stupid.

Sneaking in was more difficult than he expected. Getting a uniform was even harder.

But he dragged the person he knocked out into the basement of a random house. Adding a bottle of booze next to them to make the scene look like he totally didn’t just rob him of his cloths. He dashed back outside of the building. “Yo! Who the hell are you?” An enemy soldier spotted him instantly.

His first instinct was to run, or fight. But he controlled himself. He was an enemy now. One of them.

Tough and mean right? “Fuyuhiko, dumbass.” He retorted. The other guy flinched. “Oh, sorry Kuzuryuu.” They backed off quickly. Nice. Kokichi thought. This guy had some footing here. “They’re lining up, I just came to collect the draggers, but you seem to be back from killing off the wanderers?” Kokichi assumed that's what he was doing before he killed him. “Another easy shot. And if you’re collecting draggers there’s someone slacking down in the basement. Clean them up already.” He made his voice a tad bit deeper. He didn’t really know how Fuyuhiko spoke, he’d just have to guess.

“Yes sir.” They ran into the house. He looked around. He could assume that line up was where everyone was gathering over there. But he had to find this Gundham.

“You humans! Thinking dressed in that spit worthy uniform scares me?! I am different! Treat me as such!”

“Sir! Can’t we get rid of em? He’s so annoying!”

“They ordered us to not harm those civilians yet. Shove him into the camps. If he’s an issue then I’ll ask again. Now quit complaining.”

Kokichi raised a brow at such an...interesting conversation. He followed the voices past the deserted homes. Making sure to keep his head low under the cap he obtained. Just Incase these idiots realized he wasn’t their beloved Fuyuhiko. He quickly made his way to a place that seemed to be the middle of this little town. He scowled, in the cleared spot, was a fenced in camp site, or, prison. The fences were at least ten feet high. Only recently dung into the ground. He watched them shove the guy with the rest. He almost chuckled when the guys scarf got caught in the fences gate and the others getting mad.

Wait.

Kokichi squinted, the guy had dark hair. Pretty tall, and… “Damn.” He muttered. It was too late now. He was behind the gates and Kokichi didn’t have a key. The soldiers walked away to join the line up. The sensation of being watched burned holes into his mind, but he brushed it off as being paranoid. He looked up to the sky, the clouds still heavy with snow. Seemingly preparing to let it fall soon. He eyed the fence again. It was electric.

He walked up to the fence, people started shouting insults at him, but it wasn’t a treatment he was unfamiliar to. He ignored it.

“Kokichi?”

He turned, too late on ignoring his natural instinct to respond to his name. Who ever said that should keep their trap shut. “Nagito?” He breathed, getting as close as he could to the fence. The other was on the other end, standing beside… “And Hajime?” The white haired male nodded. Both looked beat up, Hajime more on the worse side of the deal. “Yes, Hajime went to look for Fuyuhiko but got caught instead. I went to look for him and got caught as well, just my luck right?” Nagito chuckled. Surprisingly calm in a bad situation.

“But it seems you were on their side the whole time.” Hajime spoke. He was hugging himself in the cold. They didn’t have a way of warmth. No tents or fires. “Actually…” Kokichi breathed. Heavily debating whether he should lie to them or not. “I was sent here to retrieve Gundham. And I guess you guys now that you know who I really work for.” Lying was easier anyway. Something flickered in Nagito’s eyes. It wasn’t the normal betrayal he expected like Hajime.

Ha. He saw right through him.

“What are you planning to do with us?” Nagito asked. He was playing dumb. “Transfer you.” He duly stated, he walked over to the gate and pulled out his gun that the guy had on him before he knocked him out. Only out for intimidation. He pulled some clips out and quickly worked at the lock. The satisfying click sounded and he pushing it open. He aimed the weapon at those who thought they could escape, as much as he liked to help them, he had a job to do.

“Nagito, get Gundham and Hajime to come with me. Or there are consequences.” He smiled. Playing the bad guy was kinda fun if, and only if, things went your way. Nagito nodded. Hajime gave him his own look of disbelief. They exchanged a couple words silently and Hajime agreed to something. Then he left to fetch Gundham. Leaving him with the untrusting Hajime. Who stayed silent while his eyes followed Nagito.

“I refuse to submit to a lowly worm such as himself.”

There was that strange man again. “You have no choice!” He called out, Kokichi lazily pointed the gun at Hajime. “You’re coming with me, Nagito, hurry up.” He really did need to hurry. He didn’t know how much time he had before he was caught. He grabbed Nagito’s sleeve when he was within arms reach. He pushed him outside the gate, followed by the other two. He slammed the gate shut, the loud clash it made alerted other. “Hey! What’s going on over there!?”

Kokichi turned and pulled Nagito to his level. “...Chiaki in the next town over. She is expecting me over there with Gundham but I’m going to have to stay behind. And do run, unless you want to die.” He pushed him off. Hajime looked confused, just the glare in his eyes was a silent thanks. Kokichi turned to line up. He was going to regret this, but, maybe while he was here, he could get information he didn’t have before.

“Nothing, mind your own damn business!” He called back. Already turning his back to the trio. Who hopefully was fleeing. He was lucky the guy he robbed had a military hat so he could better conceal his real identity.

He took next to other soldiers. Standing at attention next to your enemy was more than strange. He felt disgusting. Even wearing this uniform. “The enemy has taken to sending another troop to this land! Our scouts confirm that they split off into groups to take us out! It is up to us to destroy them! I divided you all into sections!”

The man, whom he assumed to be the general, started calling off names. When group 44 was called, so was his ‘name’. “Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu!-”

What ever group he was assigned to take out, he would do his best to prevent as many deaths as possible. The group he was put in were full of total jerks. They were excited to have Fuyuhiko on their team, but it was hushed up because apparently, you don’t mess with him. “So we’re taking out the bastards with grenades? Must have run out of ammo, because the others got heavy duty guns!” They laughed. “But hey! We got our dinky pistols still with us, maybe we use those first and use the bombers on a big group.”

There were cheers of agreement, and Kokichi forced himself on a smirk. They trekked on into the woods, keeping their heads low as they got closer and closer to other troops, known as their enemy. They ducked low to the ground, and when they got a clear shot of the group marching through the woods,

The air caught in Kokichi’s throat.

Because in that group, alongside a familiar green haired male. Was someone he knew like the back out his own hand. Suddenly his head felt hotter than before, they planned on shooting him. All, of them. “On my count.” He said to the others he swore he would kill one day. His heart pounded against his ribs like it was trying to burst out. He had no control over the situation, unless he turned on them now, but he wasn’t feeling his 100 percent. Shooting directly to the head…. “3…”

...It would never hit. “2…”

His focus was on the raven haired male, who had fear in his eyes. He hated that look. And for the love of all creation, he would never let it be his last. “1!” They all jumped out of their positions and he darted towards his one target. Gunshots were heard but the first ones didn’t hit him. _“I’m so sorry Shuichi…”_ He whispered as he raised his gun above his head and slammed it down on the back Shuichi’s head. He went down instantly, he grabbed his hair and slammed it on the rock he saw before. Tears in his eyes and he made sure he was out. _“I’m so...so sorry.”_

The attack only lasted less than a minute before all those who were standing before lay on the ground. Some were bleeding out while others, dead. His group was already running. Some laughing. He looked up to see someone had roughly slammed Rantaro against the tree. “Kokichi…?” Damn it, he was still awake. Kokichi crouched down next to him, he seemed to be fading fast, hopefully not to death. “Shh.” He hushed, “You...never saw me.” With that Rantaro’s eyes slid closed. He stood up and dashed out. Wishing, and praying he didn’t hurt Shuichi that badly.

He only wanted the others to think he was taken care of… he only wanted them not to shoot… He put a hand to his forehead, wishing the air was cooler so he didn’t feel so hot. He kept putting off the dizziness, but it was building up. He saw the group in the distance. Smiling and laughing, cocky people. “Oi! Fuyuhiko! What took you so long?”

“Just taking care of the ones you missed.” He cooly replied. “Yeesh, wouldn’t want to be them.” Another said. _If anything, I wouldn’t want to be you._ He looked away, to avoid the temptation of strangling any of these people. “Let’s wait here and see if any other group comes to fall into our hands.” more agreements followed.

For the meantime, Kokichi busied himself with pointless demeaning thoughts. The skies above him seem to feel the way he did. Cloudy, dark, he frowns. It wasn’t as cold as he felt before, the previous pains turned into more mental ones. He hated being here. He hated wearing this uniform. He hated that he cared. Why did he have to care about Chiaki’s friends? He didn’t even get all of them. Mikan’s still missing. He killed Fuyuhiko, who may have been a traitor but she still cared about him.

He told three others to run blindly into the next town which he doesn’t even know is taken over yet. He let Kaito die, and Maki has to deal with that, She, like him, can be totally and emotionally compromised.

He was doing it again. Letting the whole world crash down on his shoulders. Shuichi always told him to stop blaming himself. But he needed to practice what he preached. He felt the cold touch of snow hit his nose. It was flurrying. “Uh, it’s getting cold just standing here. Come on guys. Another troop should be in the area, I want to use the bombers!”

They walked on until the snow started coming down heavier. Trudging through the snow that began piling up became a harder job. Even if it was hardly that much. His feet weighed more than before, he blamed it on the toe steel boots, but he knew that wasn’t it. He was becoming tired, brushing it off as weak, he pushed through it again and again. He definitely hadn’t had enough water in the last couple hours.

“Look! Another group up ahead! Keep low! Fuyuhiko, take our lead.”

He mentally scolded himself for even going up to that house when he could have walked past it. If he hadn’t met those people, he wouldn’t be here. This is the reason why he never relied on others. They always brought consequences he had a hard time with. If only Chiaki didn’t exist. If only Hajime didn’t run off. If only Gundham wasn’t friends with either of them.

If only he could make up his mind.

“Right… We’ll split up and each small group gets two grenades. I’ll be the first group, everyone else follows.” He said with an awful tone that spoke nothing but hate. Why was he doing this. Just to stay under cover? Just to keep alive? Who was he to deserve the ability to breath? Kaito did. He out of everyone needed to help. Not him… all he did was annoy…

They split up into their small groups. He counted down this time again, but more for himself. Just to avoid the disgust he felt with himself. He shouldn’t be here. Kaito should, and if not, in a better place that made better decisions.

“3…” But he kept alive for Shuichi.

“2…” Because he knows how much it would hurt him to know he was dead.

“....1.”

But for that moment in time, everything slowed. His muscles felt stiff, but standing up with the grenade in his hand, it was all taken frame by frame. Because he spotted Maki. It was where he was aiming.

But oh god.

How could he forget.

_Kokichi chuckled as he carried the bucket of water over to put on the door. Oldest trick in the book, but it never got old. The wood floors creaked non sensibly as he tried to be as quiet as possible. They were only there in the building for two nights. After their last battle, some people were really considering their life choices, because they lost half their regiment. So he made it up to him to cheer everyone up. Even if it meant completely soaking someone._

_He made it to the door he picked earlier and went to one-hand it, something he’s perfected when doing this pathetic prank, and went to turn the knob. But unexpectedly, he heard voices. That was strange. He didn’t think anyone would be in here at this time. Last time he check, he was sure it was 10 at night, close to 11. He pressed his ear to the door, depending on the person, maybe they can cooperate with his plan._

_“...I’m Sorry.”_

_Kaito. Darn, Kokichi was getting nowhere with him. But the thing that planted his feet at the door, was his curiosity on why he was apologizing. He rarely hears this supportive man sound so… sad?_

_“It’s fine.”_

_Maki? Now that kinda makes sense. But she sounded less frustrated and more on the somber side._

_“No… you can get kicked out for this. They wouldn’t want to put you on the battlefield like that… Maki roll, I’m sorry, really, you are so important to our troops…”_

_“Shut up. I’ll just wait. I don’t need to go now. Give it 3 months.”_

_“It’ll show before then… you need to leave sooner, what if something happens to…”_

_“I said shut up! I know how to protect myself. Worry about me any longer and I’ll slit your throat.” She grumbled. Obviously half hearting that threat._

_“...Are we telling anyone?”_

_“No.”_

_“We should, maybe Shuichi can offer advice, he’s always good at that!”_

_“I’m not telling anyone about the baby and neither are you!” She shouted. Kokichi gasped too loudly. The bucket in his hands slipped through his fingers and crashed to the floor, the voices cut off immediately and hurried footsteps were making its way to where Kokichi stood. He took off, dashing down the halway, if anything. He wasn’t going to get wrapped up in Maki’s wrath again._

Maki was pregnant with Kaito’s child.

He closed his eyes in last second redirection, he knew where both girls stood, and he cursed himself and hoped he went to hell for this. But he wouldn’t risk killing Maki, she carried the last of Kaito with her. He felt the grenade slip threw his fingers, watching in his own stunned horror on who he knew it was going to hit. The blast was little compared to how loudly he was breathing, how fast his heart pounded against his temples.

The next explosion followed, then the next, but Kokichi ran to where he knew her body lay. He pushed past the smoke and the pain it caused when it stung his eyes and forced him to tear up. “K-Kaede…” He breathed. He knelt down next to her, praying, praying that he didn’t kill her. It hit right next to her, the blast wasn’t kind. “Ko...Kokichi?” Her fading eyes looked to him. Blood oozed from her head, dripping down her face in the freezing winter. Her weak breath was seen in the dropping temperatures.

“...I...must really have died.” She smiled. “Though...it hurts…” She was losing her grip on precious life. “Kaede, wait… no...hey, please. Shuichi needs your support…! He lost Kaito, and because of me, you.. K-Kaede!” He shook her shoulders. “...tell… everyone, that I...I fought till the end...o-okay…?” Her head dropped and body became limp, her last breath was too prolonged and the shine in her eyes left, leaving the color dimmer. “N-No...not again…” He breathed. He stumbled back from her. Feeling the same overwhelming despair surround him and close in on his heart.

Shuichi was going to kill him.

His eyes widened at his horror. “No… I-I didn’t mean it…” Another bomb had set off and he pulled the uniform over his mouth and nose to keep breathing. “I-I didn’t…” He killed her, and there was no going back. He stood up and backed away from her. Only to look up, to see a set of red eyes. Piercing his mind, right through him.

Maki. Now she was actually going to tear his throat out. He turned to run. The tears freely fell, he didn’t mean to kill her. It was his last second thought to protect Maki and her...baby. He saw others running away already. He went to follow, but felt an odd presence in him to turn and look one last and final time.

A decision he would regret for the rest of his life. Because the pair of eyes he saw, belonged to Shuichi, a tear streaked and bloodied face. Looking at him with pure disbelief.

_I’m so sorry Shuichi. You don’t understand how much I hate this too._

And for another time, he turned his back on him. And ran off. Like he always did when he came to approach a problem.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will they ever see Chiaki again? Nagito? Hajime? Mikan? Maybe. Or maybe they are just people you help and never see again. Maybe they will have a good impact in the far future. 
> 
>  
> 
> wOoo cryptic. BUT Saiouma time --when they actually get to breath calmly in the same room together-- is comin. soon. I promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes we are taken into troubled waters not to drown but to be cleansed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give them a break. Forgive my Saiouma urge in this one. They deserved alone time XD Also when finding a quote to summaries this fluff, I came across "Happiness, is a long warm bath" and I wanted to use it, cuz it was perfect. But I didn't. Shoulda woulda coulda I guess :D

Some of the enemy lay dead next to their comrades, courtesy to Maki. “...He’s alive.” He muttered under his baited breath. He repeated the thought over and over. It took over his mind so much that the whipping cold around them never registered. Even if the snow was coming down in great amounts and he shivered so much that his teeth chattered. He couldn’t help but find some strange peace that Kokichi was actually alive.

But it was wrenching his heart in the opposite direction when he saw Kokichi wearing _that_ uniform. Maki had clearly stated that he was the one to murder Kaede. But he… wouldn’t do that. Not out of the blue like that… Kokichi would never kill to just kill.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Maki’s cold voice cut across his contradicting debate in his confused mind. “But he is a traitor. No matter what angle you look at it with.” She roughly grabbed his wrist to drag him forwards through the ever building snow. “W-Wait M-Maki! Others could be alive…! A-And what about Kaede..!!” He helplessly tried to break free, but her iron grip held strong and resilient as ever.

“They’re dead. She’s dead. And so will Kokichi be.” Her voice dipped into a murderous tone. He didn’t doubt for a second that her glare was any kinder. “M-Maki…” He breathed. She was serious. He hated that, she could kill anyone, anyone at all. But not him. “Save it Shuichi. I told everyone on where the enemy was. I plan to tell them about Kokichi’s treason. He isn’t the person you knew. How else would that explain he was the _only_ survivor off that beach? Kaito died for nothing. They all died for nothing. He is going to pay, and it’s our job to take care of people like _him_.”

Her voice dripped with venom that would kill with just a single touch. Shuichi tried to pull her back, or weigh her down, but Maki was pushing through his struggle. “You d-don’t know that! He was with us the entire ti-time! When could he have...h-he couldn’t.” Her hand tightened around his wrist, turning his hand whiter than the snow. He winced and shut his mouth. “That’s the dirty thing about traitors. They’re sullied liars. Putrid people that drive others to their death. And you can’t stop me from ending the justice coming to him. In one bloody shot.”

“Maki…! No! Please! Don’t..!!” He begged. But there was no changing her mind. There was fire in her eyes, and fire in her heart. Revenge shown in her grip, the fury didn’t bother to try and conceal itself.

Just then, Maki stopped suddenly, jerking him forwards. Halting completely. “M-Maki…?” He whined. Pleading eyes looked to hers but no mercy bare in the cold red hues. If he wasn’t mistaken, he would say she was screaming on the inside. Writhing in as much emotional pain as he was. “Shut up.”

“B-But Maki…”

“Shut up!” She hissed, her voice was going quiet. He silenced himself. Getting the sense she was trying to listen for something. Other than the howling wind and snow getting blown into their numb faces.

What reached his ears after a couple of unforgiving seconds was something he wished to unhear. Nothing happened to him. Physically, he was okay. But it was the constant gunshot like a machine gun ripped through his ears, his mind and into his soul. Maki stayed just as still as him. Frozen in confusion and fear. Screams echoed the shots and as if on cue, Maki threw herself forward to break into a run. Letting go of Shuichi so he didn’t drag her down.

He followed her, even through burning legs and frozen toes that crawled up into his feet to make it numb. The cold pinched his fingers and nose. Desensitizing the areas. Unfeeling. He snow stung his face as he ran after the blur in the distance. It wasn’t long before the shooting stopped and the screams came to a sudden end.

He made it to a rather big clearing. Where the trees parted and revealing an unholy sight. Blood. It peppered the snow and stained the fresh frozen white element. He counted, slowly, unwillingly. His brain was fuzzy from the sudden death toll. Some shot to death, others stabbed.

_1...2...3...4..._

He was about to assume it was an ambush, but this was the large group that had attacked Kaede and Maki’s group...suddenly, dead?

_5...6...7..._

No other team on their side had been sent to this area. Meaning it had been someone else. Someone with in…

_8...9...10..._

10 dead. But how? He wondered, his jaw had fallen open long ago, but his attention snapped to where Maki was. Holding someone by the nape of their neck, pressing the barrel of her gun to their temple. “M-Maki!” He weakly yelled, he meant to scream but he faltered when he saw the person hanging limply from her grip. Not in a lifeless way, but in a surrendering manor. She looked up to see him, guilt bore in her wide eyes.

She dropped the person to the ground, but didn’t let go. He took a couple steps forwards, only to realize something Maki hadn’t. It seems that her victim, realizing it too, was trying to tell her the same thing. “K...Kokichi?” He finally came to register.

“Gh..! M-Maki!” Kokichi audibly choked out. She was dragging him away from Shuichi, so he wouldn’t see. “M-Maki!” He yelled again. Trying to get her to realize their fate before it was too late. Shuichi saw him drenched in blood, it streaked and blemished the snow Maki scrapped him against. But it wasn’t his blood.

“Shut up.” She looked at him with pure disgust. “I’ll make this quick so he doesn’t see.”

“Maki!” He wheezed feebly, seeing as it was hard to talk when his collar was choking him. “W-We’re—We’re-” But it was too late, the ground beneath them cracked and echoed, but the snow obscured where exactly. Shuichi gasped, praying that they just stayed still.

“W-We're...i-in the mi-middle of a—”

Shuichi watched to his horror the ground crack once more. The people he loved plunge through the weakened surface. But to a shocking action, Maki had been kicked or pushed, she slid across the ice while Kokichi fell through the new opening.

Because Maki and Kokichi were standing in the middle of a lake.

_____________________________

 

The piercing cold stung his skin. It burned in a way only ice could. He tried to tell her, he tried, he didn’t want her to die. He didn’t want to harm the baby. He didn’t know where he kicked her, he just didn’t want her to go down with him.

He completely lost it. After coming out of that attack, he knew Maki would kill half his group, but it was his turn to finish off the rest. He hated it. He was furious with himself for getting Kaede killed, so he wrongfully but in justice took it out on his teammates. It was an ongoing attack, he would being lying if he said he wasn’t screaming alongside his victims. He was a murderer who killed in cold blood.

He tried to swim. But his arms were painfully stiff and his lungs burned and begged his mind to let him breath. The air went to his head and he felt like he would burst. Kicking his legs felt like trending thick molasses. As if something was pulling him down to the bottom, he saw the opening from where he fell through get farther and his vision darkening. That’s when his body forced him to breath. Like a hard hit to the gut, he gasped. Only to take in water, it overwhelmed him and no matter what he did...no air, no air, no air.

He could feel the strain on his brain with lack of oxygen replaced with a flooding waters. He wanted to scream out in the numbing pain that enveloped him. It trapped him. He wanted to be free. Struggling to stay alive was like a fish trying to breath air and live on land. He was choking, _suffocating—_

_He couldn’t feel anymore._

_He couldn’t see._

_He couldn’t breath._

Until he comprehended a jerking motion. But he was long gone before then.

**…**

There was a small moment when he felt a sharp pain to his stomach that surged up into his chest. An awful thumping, it was forceful and it _hurt._ He doesn’t remember exactly, but his eyes shot open and with one nauseous revolting feeling in the pit of his stomach, water seemed to shoot up his throat and spill from his mouth. He might’ve thrown up twice, it came out in sputters and convulsive gasps of sweet air. It stung his lungs with every short heave. Panting, with water and sweat dripping down his forehead. Someone was patting his back. Roughly, but not too hard.

His muscles were still numb, and he couldn’t move or feel them. Only getting the aching sense of his eyes rolling back into his head.

**…**

“...Mmhg..” He groaned quietly. He felt cold and hot in various places. It made him uncomfortable. His hair was wet and stuck to his forehead. His headache wasn’t so bad now that it seemed his body temperature had cooled. Even if he didn’t have a bad headache, everything else irritated him. Like the wet clothes that clung to him. He knew he was laying down but it weighed on him.

“We have a spare room down the hall.”

“Thank you. Shuichi, are you feeling better?”

There was a quiet hum of _‘Mhmm…’_ He was tired, clearly. “I’ll take Kokichi. you’re staying with him, right?” Another hum. Kokichi felt someone pick him up. If it was Maki, she was surprisingly gentle with him.

After a short distance he was laid back down again. Slightly propped up this time, like he was on a couch. Laying against the armrest. His head still felt like it was filled with water. The slight dizziness had yet to leave. There was the sound of the door shutting. Kokichi managed to pry his eyes open by then. Only through half lidded eyes, he saw Maki and Shuichi talking at the door. He only caught a couple words. But all together didn’t hear a thing. The world was still muted as if he was under the water. The memory made him wince along with the pain in his side. Running around like a mad man didn’t help his bullet wound, or the slight uncomfortable pressure his ankle complained about, he assumed sprained.

Apparently he whined a bit too loud in sudden pain, or the blue haired man had super hearing because he felt warm hands cupping his cheeks. “Hey…We’re safe now..” he whispered. Kokichi wanted a bit more than that. He wanted a bigger embrace. But that was selfish. He murdered one of his best friends. Shuichi must be more than furious. He looked away from Shuichi who was trying to provide a comfort to the pain. The other noticed his rejection to it. “Hey… Kokichi… please, look at me.”

He didn’t. He already looked at him. His hair was wet too, along with the cloth he wore. It only started to dawn on him now that Shuichi was the one to go in after him. “...they brought us new changes of clothes. And prepared a bath… we can talk after.” Kokichi didn’t feel like moving yet. He still didn’t know his surroundings. Last time he checked, he was at the bottom of a lake.

“...where are we.” He managed to mumble. He brought a stiff arm to rub his tired eyes. He was slightly shivering. Only wishing he could take the clothes he had on now off. “...After you passed out, Maki called in the groups who survived and we were located alongside Rantaro and Tenko. Our troops were ambushed...and we were the only survivors. They asked us to walk to the safely marked territory, and took us from there to a protected village. We are in a home that was deserted by the people before the war… I managed to get them to believe you weren’t from their side since…” the uniform he was dressed in. Kokichi sighed in relief. Only dropping his guard for Shuichi. Even if he was angry with him, he was too tired to show it.

He picked Kokichi up, assuming he didn’t want to- or couldn’t walk yet, and helped him into the bathroom that was decent sized. The bathtub was filled with water before hand and Kokichi was looking forward to actually getting clean. He was situated on the floor where Shuichi helped peel the wet clothes off. “...I got the rest.” He said, meaning Shuichi needs to go away before he completely undresses. Not that Shuichi hasn’t seen before. He was more so avoiding the look of completely shock and worry that would fill the innocent amber eyes when he saw how bad his bullet wound looked.

The other nodded. And respectfully gave him space, shutting the door quietly on his way out. Kokichi secretly hoped he would come back at one point. But privacy was nice… he guessed. He’d rather be alone with him though. He tossed the rest of the clothes to the side. The feeling in his legs started coming back, enough so he could slide into the warm waters. He’s heard heat relaxes the muscles and loosens them up. He never truly believed it until he felt the difference.

He sunk into the hot water. Ducking his head under once to warm up. Just feeling how nice it was to slid his fingers over his skin. To get a good look at his arms and legs. The scars of war and training being the main eye sores. He traced them, now noticing how red they looked against such temperatures. Even circling his bullet wound that slightly stung. 

He rubbed any excess dirt, blood and guck that didn’t come off in the icy waters. Cold water never got things off anyway. His fingers tingled when they sat in the water that worked away the chill. It was the satisfying numb tickling he remembered feeling when he’d come inside after playing in the snow as a kid. Before all came crashing down at his feet. Before he would kill dozens of people. Before his parents couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore… before Shuichi.

There was a gentle knock on the door. He didn’t answer, but the door creeped open anyway. Of course it was Shuichi, dressed in more comfortable clothes. “I managed to find some soap… It’s Vanilla smelling too, so it’s not like that cheap stuff.” Kokichi watched the other set it next to the bath. Vanilla, huh. He’d like to smell like something other than gas, smoke and fire anyway. Shuichi knelt down next to the bath, where Kokichi was resting his chin on the side. Perks of being small.

Shuichi reached to brush his long hair out of his eyes. The dark shade looked black when wet. “...I never asked, but how are you doing?” As much as it sounded, it wasn’t casual speak. It was the genuine wanting. How was he doing? Terrible. Or maybe he was being over dramatic. He’s been better. Or maybe he was asking about him physically. Well, he feels a bit numb, it was kinda nice. But his wound was stinging. “...Fantastic. Thanks for asking.” He rolled his eyes. Opting to turn away.

It didn’t change the fact that he murdered Kaede. It didn’t change the events on that beach. It didn’t change the fact that he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life. “...Then I’ll leave you alone.” Shuichi gentlly whispered. He probably should. Shuichi probably didn’t even want to look at him. He looked exhausted anyway, he didn’t know what time it was, but it was sure time for Shuichi’s nap.

Kokichi reaches out to grab him before he left. Despite how much he knows the other boy probably needed to leave, he was going to be selfish for now. “...Join me?” He asked with a softer voice. Seemingly deciding that now was a good time to hit him with the repercussion of screaming. Sore throat and all. Shuichi hesitated. Kokichi might get mad at him if he refused. It’s been how long since they actually enjoyed each other without worrying about dying? Without the constant ear raping explosions? Bullets flying past their heads in near death? “...Alright.”

Kokichi smiled. Those muscles in his face felt so unused. It was strange for him. Before, the only thing that felt different to him was between a true smile and a fake smile. Now, it’s just a smile. A small smile. Shuichi needed a bath anyway, he agreed in his head. He saw the bed before, he wasn’t going to sleep with a dirty Saihara-chan. He lets himself giggle. Ah, it felt good to just not worry. Though, he should. But an unhappy life is paved with a path of should’s.

But he could sense a thunderstorm of words that brewed in the air as Shuichi got in with him. Sinking into the water, the only thing between their bodies. Even if it wasn’t hostile. Emotions shone like the sun when clouds were cleared. Hard to miss, especially if you can feel it’s rays. They both were on opposite ends, but it wasn’t good enough to Kokichi. If they were about to get serious, or angry, they weren’t going to play coward and be a couple feet apart. So he grabbed Shuichi’s wrists and pulled him closer. Accidentally spilling the water over the edge. “I see the questions dancing in those sad eyes.” He hummed, “so why don’t you ask them.”

Shuichi looked anywhere but at him. As expected. Kokichi could never look at Maki after he figured out she was an assassin, never mind trust her. “...Not now. Tomorrow morning…? You’re sick and…” That fact slipped his mind. He must still be feverish. Fun dreams tonight then. “If I’m to sleep tonight, it’s with you or on the floor. Because I’m not going anywhere till I know what stands between us. And as far as I know, there’s a gap.” He said stubbornly. He hated leaving words left unsaid, or saved for later. “So...Talk to me.” He added, a bit more gently.

“I-I don’t know where to start… o-or what to think…” he admitted. “Th-There’s so much that when down in so little time…” Kokichi understood. Things could fall apart in a matter of seconds. So much so that you don’t even know whether to pull your lover in closer, or push them away. It definitely questions your trust. Who to put faith in, and who to avoid. Kokichi was teetering on that fence in Shuichi’s mind. It was understandable. Kokichi didn’t put himself in the brightest light.

He’s been in a position where he trusted someone with his life. And they turned on him without warning. Even when he thought it was impossible. That their bond was stronger than the world and could withstand its hardships. But bad things are out there too, and it was good Shuichi could see that. Or else he would neglect logic and no matter what anyone said, Kokichi was innocent. Even if he was entirely guilty. He wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt to have Shuichi question their trust. The one they’ve been building for years.

“Start from the beginning, good place to start.” He smiled encouragingly. He grabbed the Vanilla scented soap to he didn’t have to stare at him while he processed the words he intended on speaking. “Could you… tell me, or… explain the Incident?” Kokichi frowned. Assuming he was referring to Kaede and Maki’s group. “Only if you hear me out.” He sighed, luckily Shuichi nodded.

So he started from when he was taken in from a couple of people in that next to abandoned town. Leading into needing to get Gundham. Then falling into the mistake of closing the gate too loud. Even admitting he didn’t plan it. Of course, taking it back later when split into groups. Sheepishly, he added the part where it was him to knock Shuichi out in his group in an attempt to keep others from killing him.

Kokichi kept talking, constantly reminding himself that he needed to be honest to 100 percent win Shuichi’s trust back. As he spoke they passed the soap back and forth. Sometimes helping each other get the spots they couldn’t typically reach. Shuichi was listening the entire time, and not once did he interrupt. Kokichi didn’t stop, well, that is, until he got to the part where he had the grenade in his hand. It flashed through his mind so vividly. He found himself looking down at his own hands, more specifically, the one that carried Kaede’s blood. “...I thought it would be better to split into groups. That way, when others threw the grenades it might hit the others...Plus Maki is super human and got half of them. Having them in groups made it easier to pick off…”

He was avoiding it. He knew Shuichi wanted to know, he knew the boy was waiting for an explanation. He had his back to him, while Shuichi rubbed the soap down his spine. He felt him tracing his shoulder blades and around his shoulders. The pressuring part was that Shuichi knew he didn’t want to. It’s not like he was waiting in the dark. Kokichi swallowed hard. The other deserved to know his biggest mistake. “...I was the first group to throw the grenade, Kaede and Maki were on opposite ends of their group. There was no happy middle and I couldn’t throw that far to miss, or too short or else we’d get hit...I had to choose. I admit I wasn’t thinking straight but…”

He paused. Again. He applauded this boy for even sitting through his sob story. “...But… I was aiming for Maki first, but last second I changed my mind and threw it right next to….Kaede.” There. That’s how she died. Happy now Shuichi? “And it killed her on impact…” Shuichi whispered. There was a small silence, even Shuichi stopped his hands. “Actually…” Kokichi bit his lip. _Honest._ He repeated to himself. _Honest. Be honest._

“...I ran to her, to see if she was okay. I only saw her fly back… so I thought maybe, y’know, she survived… But when I got there, she was dying fast. Blood was pouring down her face. There wasn’t any saving her. She told me… She told me to tell everyone that she fought to the very end. I know she probably wanted me to add she loved you too. But she died.”

More silence. And it was eating him alive. “...I’m sorry.” Kokichi muttered. “...I-I really am.” He hated feeling this guilty. Regret was tearing him apart. He silently begged Shuichi to reassure him. That it was okay. “...I know. I...see why. I’m sorry you had to make up your mind.” His voice fell into a low one.

Kokichi felt a small kiss to the back of his neck. Lips pressed into his scarred skin. Soft pecks that peppered the nape of his neck, traveling down. Kokichi turned his head, sitting up when he sensed the mood. Shuichi traced his shoulder with his fingers and sweetly gave him a kiss on his cheek softly, more slowly. As if he was savoring the feeling. “...I’m sorry I doubted you.” He added, along with another kiss. Kokichi swiveled around in the water, to face Shuichi. Ever the lover boy. 

He still had a sad look in his eyes. Though, even that was drowned out by how much he seemed to miss Kokichi. His hands came around the smaller's wrists. Gently pulling him closer. Kokichi excepted the embrace. His wet hands gingerly brushed over Shuichi's skin. His cheeks soft as ever. The water supported the feeling of serenity. Even if it tried to kill him hours previously. His slick fingers traced over the boys body, so welcoming. He couldn't help himself when he picked up the others hand. Pressing kisses to the wet skin and slowly working up his arm. Finally reaching his neck and softly kissing his lips. 

“But…” Shuichi pulled away from him. “...Is… Kaito alive too?” More guilt flooded Kokichi’s mind. He shrinks away from Shuichi, much to his dismay. He should know, Shuichi was the one to take his shirt off after all. Kokichi glanced at where Shuichi kinda folded his ‘spy’ clothes, with the two silver dog tags still resting next to it. “...what do you think?” He turned to look Shuichi in those beautiful eyes.

“...H-He’s truly dead, isn’t he?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a soft spot for bath time


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not mad.
> 
> I'm hurt.
> 
> There's a difference."

Both boys got out when the water was losing its warmth, and their fingers started getting pruney. They slipped into the comfortable clothes provided and headed to the bed they would share. Shuichi was silent as he pulled back the covers to get situated. Kokichi couldn’t help but feel bad. He still felt chilled, and he didn’t want to kiss him to share sickness. So he crawled on the bed when Shuichi had laid down. It was their normal routine from before the madness.

Kokichi would curl up against Shuichi. Typically sneaking under his arm and finding the spot he fit perfectly. With his back to the others stomach. It was warm and felt safe. It was funny, after time this molded into something that naturally fell into place. “Kokichi..?” Shuichi muttered after awhile. The smaller shifted his head to Shuichi’s chest to let him know he was listening. “..Before, you said you changed your mind last second...You went from Maki to...Kaede, why?”

Kokichi forgot Shuichi thought on things longer than he should. He decided with a half truth. “...If I killed Maki, then who would take out the rest of my group? Now… go to bed, you look and sound exhausted.” Shuichi nodded and hugged him a little tighter. Kokichi smiled peacefully. If only things like this weren’t so rare. He closed his eyes on the moment. Exhausted himself.

_Kokichi laughed as he heard the captain announce their arrival. “Last one up is a rotten egg!” He shouted pointlessly to the group of hundred of soldiers who could care less. He ran up the steep stairs, he’s long ago mastered the trick to running up them without tripping and failing miserably. Most walked, because they were good boys and girls. It was slightly cold, it nipped at his nose a bit. But he couldn’t see any snow yet, and he could smell the crisp ocean air._

_He was the first out of a couple to jump down. With new excitement, and energy he’s gathered while being cooped up on the ship all day long. He and many others walked their way to the shore, the water frigid against their legs, but their training consisted of more painful things._

_That’s when he heard a strange but familiar sound. He stopped and turned around, nobody else seemed to notice. From the cloudy grey sky came planes. At first he thought nothing of it, they had back up with them. But he saw five others behind that one plane in a ‘V’ formation. Than another set and then another. His eyes widened. Gasping, he turned to see those who hadn’t noticed and those who have._

_“WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!”_

_He was the first one to scream it, the message carried faster than a pin drop. Or, faster than a bullet shooting into the ground. Everyone panicked. No one knew what to do. It was the definition of ambushed. Before they knew what was truly happening, metal explosives rained from the sky and Kokichi was running for his life._

_Bullets shot into the ground, it kicked up sand, blinding him momentarily. Shrapnel flew at him from the bombs that rang in his ears. Still running, still wishing he wouldn’t get hit. From hardly two feet behind him, a bomb struck the ground and blasted hot air into its surroundings. It had knocked him off his feet and he swore he flipped at least once before crashing down on his side. He gasped. He was forced to ignore the pain, he shot forwards again. The sickening thumping of bodies hitting the beach’s floor pounded louder than his racing heart beat._

_Someone slammed into him, both crashed to the ground again. He yelped from the sudden hit, they landed too hard on his ankle. Only to turn and realize it was someone shot in the back three times and were now dead. He was breathing too hard. He shoved them off with horribly shaking hands. Dead bodies. Dead bodies everywhere he looked. He would gag if he had the time, his legs carried him until he looked behind him, another detonation about to happen—_

“...Shh, shh, it’s stopped a long time ago...it’s okay now, it’s alright.”

Kokichi blinked. Then blinked again. “...w-what?” He touched his face, damp. Was he crying? Shuichi sighed and hugged him. Both were sitting up in the bed. “..Nothing, just a nightmare.” Kokichi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He felt his heart rate slow. “What was it about…?” Shuichi asked hesitantly. Kokichi sighed and closed his eyes. “...the beach.” He whispered, right next to Shuichi’s ear.

He never told Shuichi what happened. On that damned _beach._ “...You seemed really scared...was it that bad?” He didn’t have to look to see Shuichi's eyes begging to tell him. “I mean… I guess you could say that…” Or he could just be easily traumatized. He’s always been the dramatic type. “You….Kept begging me to make it stop. Kokichi...what happened on that shore?” Nothing special. That’s what.

“...I’ll tell you in the morning...I’m tired now.” He laid back down, Shuichi placed his head next to his. Kokichi didn’t want to go back to sleep. Horrid memories in the form of dreams turned nightmares awaited him. But he was so… tired. Those hours before felt like they stretched on for years. He heard the other bid him good night for the second time. But he was too faded to reply back.

…

The next morning Kokichi woke up early, probably around 5am. He's used to waking up early, may the heavens open up on the day he could get some actual _sleep._ Shuichi was… not next to him. “...Shuichi?” He said in his ugly morning voice. No answer from anywhere. He sat back against the pillows that were rather comfy. He also felt clean for once, so he was in a good mood. He yawned, and rubbed his eyes. Last night was a bit rough. After falling asleep for the second time, he only had bad dreams. Nothing worth considering nightmare worthy.

Normal things like Shuichi getting dragged away from him, or short flashes of the battlefield. It was funny, meaning it wasn’t. The first time he woke up feeling like this was after his very first fight. His first terrible injury. He remembered, sitting up in that small spare room. With his arm numb with pain, the nurses stitched him up after almost getting his shoulder nearly ripped off. He still recalled the nausea he felt when he saw the damage. Flesh torn and everything. Bone showing and muscles visible. He wasn’t squeamish, but if something like that popped in front of him, you could kiss him goodbye.

It was painful, yet...calming. Sure his whole arm hurt like hell. But Shuichi was right there next to him, holding his hand while they worked on him without pain relievers. It had been early in the morning, around this time, when the sun was hardly over the horizon. He remembered clenching his teeth so hard that his jaw was sore for the following days. He passed out from the agony at one point or another, and woke up with Shuichi absent from the room.

Even when he promised he would be right there with him. He chuckled when he could still hear himself screaming from the pain. He couldn’t talk for the following week. No one blamed him, even the ones who poked fun at him. Because everyone went through something similar and equally painful. Only two months after that, Shuichi was hit in the thigh with two bullets. A surgery was performed in a quick set up medical tent the following hour.

Those screams, Kokichi would never laugh at. Shuichi never passed out, even though he was sure he was begging the all mighty to strike him dead. He was the only one with the surgeons in that tent. A request by Shuichi. He was holding his hand as tight as he was. Knuckles were whiter than Shuichi’s pale face. His finger definitely had no blood circulating through them.

Watching him suffer like that… Kokichi wished Shuichi never had to go through it. Little did past Kokichi know, that those painful experiences wouldn’t be the last.

The door opened to reveal a Shuichi with a plate of food. “Oh, I figured you’d be awake…” he smiled softly, “are you hungry at all?” He asked, gesturing to the plate of food. Small things rest on it, like eggs and rice. With some pepper cucumbers on the side. Kokichi didn’t feel that great enough to have a whole meal. Even if each food was a couple bites. “...eh, maybe a little. Share it with me so none goes to waste.” He felt a tad bit rude to turn it all down. Maybe Shuichi prepared it himself, cucumbers weren’t even out during this season. There must be a running green house somewhere.

Shuichi agreed, and set the plate on the small bedside table. He pressed a kiss to Kokichi’s forehead. “...Fever has gone down. I’m glad you’re getting better.” Kokichi hummed as he took the plate and put it in his lap. _Getting better._ He repeated in his head. He really hoped so. He gingerly picked up the chop sticks and gave himself a bite of rice. It was a bit dry, not that he was complaining about the food. But he was suddenly wanting water.

After taking in so much when he fell through the horribly frigid waters, he completely forgot about how water is, y’know. Good for you. Shuichi, like the mind reader he is, left briefly and came back with a cup of water. Kokichi took it and mumbled a thank you. He took sips, the water was cold, kinda refreshing. “...so what happened?” Shuichi asked after Kokichi offered him a mouthful. “Lots of stuff happened.” He said with a bounce to his tone. Though he was far from cheerful, his side was hurting and his mind suggested Painkillers. Or stitches, but it might be okay for now.

“...on the beach Kokichi.” He persisted. Kokichi swallowed hard, “...Didn’t they tell you? Planes attacked and stuff…” Shuichi only shook his head. “I know, but as far as everyone is aware of, you are the only one accounted for being alive. No one has found anyone else. No one went back to double check. It’s too dangerous right now… so what happened, what did you see?”

Suddenly he wasn’t hungry at all. “The same old same old… I mean, it really wasn’t a significant attack. Just… deadly and all of us were stupid and thought running would get us out alive.” Shuichi sighed. Knowing that Kokichi was down playing the event. He really did make it sound that it was nothing and just a dumb ambush. But that’s what he wishes him to think. “...Same old same old doesn’t mean everyone is dead. Same old same old means they fight, and we fight back. And I’m doing this for your sake, not mine. Keeping the memory of it locked in your head won’t do anything. So tell me, carrying that alone isn’t necessary.”

Kokichi closed his eyes. Just blocking Shuichi out for a moment. He was doing this for his mental health, huh. “It wasn’t that bad…” He muttered in a last attempt to get Shuichi to stop pushing. But that never worked. “I’m not looking for a grand story. I don’t care if you play hero or not. I know you have some survivors guilt, doesn’t matter how much. Just… talk to me. I don’t want to wake up every night to you upset in some awful dream.” Shuichi threaded his fingers through Kokichi’s. “It will help… just to get it off your chest.”

Kokichi thought over the suggestion. He could avoid talking about it, keep to himself, and carry his thoughts alone… Or, tell Shuichi, let him know how much of a true coward he is, and have less vivid dreams. “Do you trust me..?” Shuichi asked after the few minutes of no answer. “...Hm, I’d like to say I do.” Kokichi took his hand from Shuichi’s and patted the spot next to him on the bed. “But you’re gonna have to be at my level if I’m telling you anything.”

He set the plate of food aside, not really caring if it got cold, he’d still eat it later. Shuichi filled the spot Kokichi patted before and he took a deep breath. “Where to start…” he laughed weakly. The beginning, of course. He didn’t truly know how long the attack lasted. At least five minutes after hell broke loose he was knocked unconscious. He flew halfway across that beach, no wonder he was knocked out till the next day. “From when you arrived.” Shuichi prodded. Kokichi took another useless moment to drag on the possibility of talking, and to think of how he’d word it.

“Kay… so, once upon a time in a land not far from here there was a ship that came to shore…” Shuichi gave him a questioning look, but Kokichi smiled, saying wordlessly _my way, or the highway._ “There were thousands of soldiers on that ship, and they all hopped onto the beach. Most excited to protect, others nervous…” And he spoke like that. As if someone who witnessed it from afar, because that’s how he imagined it. Picturing himself there in the first person was too much for now. Baby steps. Just baby steps.

He spoke about the hundreds of planes. He hesitantly added the detail of people dropping dead left and right. He told him about the sound of screaming. It was easier to talk like that. He didn’t tear up once, he didn’t stutter. “Then that brave soldier marched on through the woods with a sprained ankle! But you know the rest, right Shuichi?” Shuichi didn’t respond. Well, at least, not to that question. “You should get your wounds and injuries looked at… I don’t want it to be infected or anything.”

Kokichi sighed, liking the fact Shuichi didn’t complain about the way he told his story. “...It’s been, two days and a half. I think? It might be a little too late to check.” Definitely something that should be considered. Though it didn’t feel like two days, time still had effect on him, two days isn’t enough to heal a bullet wound. “Just eat a little bit more and I can get the doctor that’s been going around to look at you.” Shuichi left Kokichi’s side, but before he got off the bed he turned one last time and kissed his cheek softly. “...Thank you for telling me.” He whispered.

Kokichi’s cheeks brightened to a rosy pink. Shuichi finally got up to leave, probably off to go do what he promised. Kokichi liked it when he whispered into his ear like that. Topped with a kiss… it reminded him why he fell head over heels for him.

He ended up eating the rest of the food and downing the glass of water. Some of the guilt he had gathered over his choices started setting in again. He fiddled with his fingers and tried to put it off, or wait till Shuichi returned. But after 20 minutes of no showing of the familiar boy, Kokichi became too restless and threw off the covers. Resting was pointless when his mind isn't allowing it.

He stretched his legs and kept easy on his sprained ankle. He swore he did a 160 on it. He walked over to the window. Gently, he brushed back the slightly transparent curtains. To his surprise, it was still snowing. Nothing like the morning he expected to wake up to. Frost had stuck to the window. He could smell the cold and pressed his fingers against the surface. The chill grabbed at his fingers and he quickly pulled back. The sudden reminder of the cold piercing his skin, and turning a sickening blue as the horrid temperature sunk deep into his trembling frame, went through his mind.

But he hadn’t noticed he froze. His hand only left the cold glass. Nothing more. His eyes had widened, if any had seen him, he looked terrified. He fell back to reality when a hand grabbed his shoulder. He reacted too strong to the sudden touch, on instinct he whipped around to grab the hand and twist.

“H-Hey… Hey, it’s just me.” Shuichi winced, He forgot how quick of a reaction Kokichi had. He still hadn’t let go yet. “Kichi...You okay?” Shuichi used his other had to pull back his fingers off his arm.

Kokichi blinked, once he looked up at the person he grabbed he instantly let go. “Sorry…” He mutter. His hand was over his mouth. “Hey...you okay? I was calling for your name...but you just kept staring out the window.” Shuichi checked his fever again, it was close to gone by now. “I’m fine, just… got lost in thought. Are _you_ okay?” He was too busy with his own action, he forgot to think about what he did to Shuichi. He wanted to see the damage for himself.

Wordlessly, he tugged on Shuichi’s shirt to get him to squat down. He did, and Kokichi brushed away his hair. “...Ow.” He whispered when he saw the bruise with the nasty scrap, only blunt force could give. “I-It doesn’t hurt that bad, Just _—"_

“Doesn't hurt _that_ bad? ...Jeez, I didn’t mean to do it that hard.” He ran his finger over the cut, softly, making sure he wasn’t applying pressure. “No really, it’s fine… Just headaches from time to time.. I know what your intents were.” He stood back up. “But...there must be something bothering you.” Kokichi held a finger up to his lips. “Ah-ah-ah! I told my stories. It’s not fair I keep talking and never get your fill of story.”

Shuichi frowned. “Not much happened. We got off the ship, split into groups… got ambushed. Me and Rantaro were the only survivors… He even told me he saw you, but assumed he was hallucinating. Because he assumed you were dead after we found your scarf on the beach.” Kokichi gasped with a smile. “I thought I lost it! Where! I want it back!” Shuichi smiled, glad for a subjected change.

“It… had a rather huge blood blotch on it. I tried to clean it, I washed the prominent red out… It’s just stained.” Shuichi said before he left to retrieve it. Kokichi plopped himself back on the bed and kicked his feet back and forth. It was a couple minutes until Shuichi returned with his prized possession in his hands. Kokichi saw it, even from across the room. The stain Shuichi mentioned.

Shuichi handed it to him and Kokichi unfolded it. Shuichi sat next to him as Kokichi lifted it up by the edges, so he could take in it’s damage. Shuichi was right. The stain damaged the white squares. More than a quarter of the white was a light pink, some a darker shade, closer to a rosy color. He slowly lowered it back into his lap. “...I can see why you thought I was dead.” Kokichi kept it tucked in a small space under his chest pocket, but above his belt. Right next to the spot where the bullet entered. But one thing still bothered him, his puzzled face show.

“What is it?” Shuichi asked in concern, worried that Kokichi wasn’t too happy with the outcome of the washing. “I don’t understand how…” Kokichi started, he looked at his scarf again. Turning it over to see if there were any tears in it that hadn’t been there before. “...it fell out.” He kept it under his uniform. He never wanted to risk having it ripped from any pocket.

Shuichi must have known where it was. If the bullet hit his heart, then the scarf would be soaked the same way, just in a different spot. If so… how the hell did it get from inside to outside. That’s when Kokichi remembered. “This… That wasn’t the only bullet to get me.” It wasn’t a lie. That bullet. Didn’t hit flesh. “Several, Bullets, Shuichi… I don’t think I told you. They came from the sky like rain.” Clearly enough to rip his uniform so much that it caused it to fall out.

He never payed attention. At just how many nicked him. How many grazed him. The scratches… the little cuts. Kokichi closed his eyes. He didn’t understand the weird fear crawling up to sink into his mind again. “Kokichi, It’s okay...It’s okay.” He felt Shuichi put his arm around him and rub him gently. It was the second time he got stuck. Stuck in a horrid memory.

The searing pain came back into his thoughts. The burning sensation that came with every bullet to whizz past his ears. The screams, the pelting into the ground of bodies and ...bullets… and bombs. Kokichi swallowed hard. He was the only one to live through it. He was the only one.

Why? He could I saved at least one person… Why out of 1000 soldiers, did he live. “Kokichi? You’re not responding again.” Shuichi was now on his knees in front of him while he sat on the bed. His hands were over his. Only now he realized his hands were shaking. “Why...Shuichi…” He grabbed Shuichi’s hand and squeezed. “...Why….Why out of all the battles that I had to fight… Why...did _that_ one scare me?” He always went into a battle knowing he was going to win. Because Shuichi was in his life, he was unstoppable.

Kokichi looked up at the ceiling. He knew his eyes were starting to get red with present tears. He felt one, than two roll down his cheeks slowly. “...Why...Why does it keep coming back.” He asked Shuichi helplessly. Shuichi gripped his hands harder. “...It’s because you feared you would die, and you knew you could, and you would.” Shuichi said, he knew he had to be completely calm for Kokichi.

Kokichi took his hands from Shuichi, and held them out in front of him. He laughed, his smile shook like his hands did. “L-Look at that…” He chuckled. “I’m terrified…” He’s seen this kind of fear on Shuichi. After their fourth horrific battle. It was the largest battlefield they took on. It was similar to the beach… but only, it wasn’t an ambush.

Kokichi squeezed his eyes shut again, he dropped his hands. The screams and ringing started playing over...and over. He placed his hands over his ears, only to get the painful reminder that it was just in his head. He kept remembering. He kept seeing.

He remembered running. His heels grabbing for footing on the stupidly loose sand, his toes pushing off and not getting too far. He remembered being hit with that body. That dead person who was trying to escape _just like him_. Kokichi was no different from that struggling life. Blood poured down that face he looked at for a mere couple seconds. Dead. Dead. Dead. “Shuichi…” he whispered. He looked to the ocean, after he pushed the corpse off. Bodies dropping… the plane engine chasing him. The propellers taunting his existence.

It was right behind him. _It was right behind him._ “Kokichi...you were clearly traumatized, just breath… Okay? You know it’s alright now. Just breath.” Shuichi wipes away some tears and kissed his forehead. Kokichi shutters out a shaky breath. He knows very well he was fine now, that he was okay. He wrapped his arms around Shuichi. He only wanted some anchor to this madness. “...make it stop.” He whispered. “...just...let me go home.” He heard Shuichi mutter the same words. Just a year into their heartache.

But Shuichi didn’t go home. Neither would he. “Shh...It’s okay… Remember what you told me? We only need to serve three years… then we go home...then we go home.” He repeated into his ear. He whispered it so gently in his ear, Kokichi rested his forehead on Shuichi’s shoulder. They were two years into this. One more month until the third year. They had to endure another year of survival and fighting.

“I...I don’t know...If I can do another year…” Kokichi breathed. A year seemed so long, so long that to him it was more of an eternity. “One day at a time, okay? Just one day at a time…” Shuichi rubbed his back, Gently rocking him. “The doctor said he’d be come by in some 30 minutes. He has many other patients from other groups that were ambushed. Depending on the injuries…” Shuichi wanted to distract him, so he looked to where he saw the wound before. “Can I look?”

Kokichi took another deep breath. Then another to calm down. “Yeah, it’s… small, the bullet wasn’t that big.” Kokichi lay back on the bed and Shuichi lifted his shirt. No second wrapping of bandages took place, since the bleeding stopped. It hit just under his rib, lucky missing any bones. The bullet exited through the boys back. “...This looked like it hurt.” Shuichi hovered a hand above it, afraid to touch it because he didn’t want to hurt Kokichi. He scoffed. “Like hell.”

Soon the doctor came in, knocking on the door twice. Shuichi let him in and filled the doctor in on Kokichi’s state. The examination was quick, they had wrapped it again. To protect it, and was given a brace for his sprained ankle. “I’ve been worse…” Kokichi muttered to himself as he rubbed his ankle in slight discomfort.

Shuichi had to leave a couple times, he wasn’t injured so he didn’t need to stay. Shuichi only had a minor blow to the head and suffered from a little bit of frostbite.

Meaning Shuichi was being excused on a lie. He told others that he couldn’t move certain parts of him because of the effects of the cold waters. Kokichi realized that. When Shuichi was in the room again, Kokichi took full blame. “You don’t have to be here.” He said a little too harshly. “Just because I’m here, just because I’m incapable of doing anything, doesn’t mean you go down with me.”

Shuichi looked a little offended. “...I want to be here for you. Others can fill my place. You are more important.” He reassured. Kokichi looked away from him. “Go. You could be protecting these people. Not tending to a horse with broken legs. That does nothing.”

“Kichi, really, it’s okay…” But before Shuichi could come closer, Kokichi held up a hand to get him to stop. “I don’t want another person dying because of me! I don’t want someone to break in and start a- a killing spree because you weren’t there!” He yelled. More aggravated than ever.

“...you need sleep, you’re tired.” Shuichi said. But that only added wood to the fire. “Tired!? Shuichi! Every single day I’m tired! I’m tired of everything! That comes with this stupid of job of being a soldier!” He was on the verge of screaming at him. Yelling was only a step in that direction. He’s been told to stay put in bed for too many hours. He jumped off the bed to push Shuichi out. “Go! Just leave!”

He put his hands on Shuichi’s chest to push him out, but Shuichi only grabbed his wrists. “Kokichi… it’s okay. No one is going to die because of you.” Kokichi was going to lose it again. “Kaede did!” He yelled. “Kaito did!” Shuichi shook his head, “No… Kaito wasn’t your fault.” Kokichi ripped his hands back. “All those people with lives! I slaughtered them!” He cried.

“Kokichi… calm down.” Shuichi put his hands up towards him. “It’s okay, it really is.” Kokichi’s hands balled into fists. “It’s not! stop lying to me!” Shuichi was looking for words to use. When Kokichi got like this, he was angry until he wasn’t. Shuichi couldn’t just stop him. “...I swear I’m not lying. Rantaro knows, he’s covering for me…”

“Shut up.” He growled. “And leave me alone.” His fist was shaking now. “Leave before I do something I regret.” Shuichi looked down at him. Kokichi’s eyes were bloodshot and murderous. Shuichi bit his lip. “...okay.” He breathed. “I-I’ll leave...just go to bed. Please, and sleep.”

“Fine.” Kokichi agreed. Shuichi regretfully left and Kokichi crawled back into bed. Feeling guilty. He knows he's just in a bad mood. What right did he have to yell at Shuichi? Who was trying to show he cared about him. He hugged the pillow close to his chest to drown out the nagging thought. Eventually he was able to have peace in mind, by lying to himself. _What I did would benefit everyone._ Shuichi didn't have to comfort him. He really didn't. Soon he fell asleep at some point.

Only to wake up in cold sweat hours later. 

To the sound of gunshot.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nah, they don't get a break. XD


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It will pass.
> 
> Since nothing ever stays the same. 
> 
> All the bad, all the pain, I promise, it will pass.
> 
> Though, sadly, never in any poems, did that excluded all the good.
> 
> That too, will pass.

Two distinct gunshots. About 25 second interval between them. He slowly sat up and listened. It was dead quiet. Not even the wind outside howled against the window. The typical pitter patter of footsteps up and down the hallway stopped. For a few moments, he was almost convinced he had gone deaf.

But that wasn’t realistic. He clutched the thin blanket tightly as he waited for another to happen. But nothing. The silence in the air only gave him room to worry. Waiting for the inevitable, some say.

Not even a minute passed, and a third gunshot was sounded outside. Somewhere close by. He knew that warning. Three gunshots meant trouble. As soon as he realized that, his door flew open and he flinched, half expecting the enemy to shoot him dead. But instead it was Rantaro, he was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. “...Shuichi wanted me to get you. There was...an attack at the front gates…. I brought you a new uniform, put it on…” Rantaro tossed him the clothes and shut the door behind him. Pressing against the door, breathing heavily as he leaned against the thin wood. 

Kokichi looked him up and down. “Woah, woah, slow down. What’s happening?” He asked as he was already making his way to pull off the shirt that was comfortable, into the ones that rubbed against his skin too much. Rantaro huffed out a pained sigh. “...we have at least an hour to evacuate the civilians… we are moving them more east where a promised sanctuary is, more safer than here…” he took his time to catch his breath, then continued. “We can hold them off for only an hour… some soldiers are escorting them, others are being picked up in helicopters to be brought back to base… and you, with Shuichi, Maki and others… are in that group.”

Kokichi quickly finishing getting dressed and hurried other to him. Rantaro had his arms around himself, clear pain in his eyes. “You don’t look well at all. Don’t tell me you lied to say you were able to fight. You can hardly stand.” Kokichi hissed, more on the irritable side. Rantaro weakly smirked, “Couldn’t help it… Now come on, I’ll take you over to Shuichi… he was the first groups to spot the enemy…” Kokichi helped him off the wall and out the door and into the hallway.

Quickly hurrying as fast as both could go out into the snow. He shrugged off his own discomforts and pain to help Rantaro to where he said the Helicopters would be. “You're coming with us Mister I can fight.” Kokichi said as Rantaro told him to turn past the house before them. “Kokichi, I—” “You’re coming.” Kokichi cut him off before a lame excuse fell from his mouth. He trudged through the snow that had fallen heavily without hesitation. Rantaro was going to live, he ditched Shuichi and Kaito. He wasn’t about to let Rantaro stumble into his easily preventable death.

He saw Maki and Shuichi waiting next to each other. The two spotted them and hurried over to help. Maki grabbed to support Rantaro and Shuichi grabbed Kokichi’s hand. Squeezing it so tightly as a reassurance that everything was okay now. Or the sheer act of wanting to. “...I’m glad you made me go.” Shuichi whispered as they quickly left to the areas where the Helicopters would pick them up. “...because I was able to warn Maki about the enemy being near, and if those warning shots never went off then evacuation would never of happened.” Kokichi would tell him someone like _“I told you so!”_ Or _“See? Bow down to your amazing all knowing supreme leader!”_ But he just smirked. Too tired for an insulting response.

The sound of helicopters were heard over head. Kokichi watched, alongside many others, the hovercrafts get close to the ground. One landed to let the ones who couldn’t climb ropes get in. Maki managed to get Rantaro on without penalty. While Kokichi grabbed the rope ladder and began the climb up. It was dangerous, this whole plan to fly to safety, but he’s been through too much in the last couple days to care. Even if he should.

He stopped caring about a lot of thing. He stopped caring about how cold he was. He stopped caring about his own pain. He stopped caring about others lives for the sake of not feeling guilty. It was selfish. Kokichi made it to the top first after Maki. He sat next to her while Shuichi was helped him up many people after. He packed in with the rest while, having no choice but to sit away from him. 

Kokichi never really noticed, how surprisingly okay he felt being shoulder to shoulder next to a girl he actually, and truthfully, once feared. The Helicopter doors slammed shut and they were being carried off, Hopefully, Kokichi could only pray, to a safe place where he could breath. Maki, not even one minute into the flight, turned to look at him. Leaning closer ever so subtly and quietly muttering; “...They’re going to give all survivors metals.”

Kokichi turned to look at her surprised. “What..? You mean metals to those who survived the ambushes?” Maki gave a frustrated sigh. Disappointed she had to explain. “No. I was over hearing the generals and captains talking. The ones who survived the beach, because so far, no one resurfaced.” She looked away from him, “Except you.” Kokichi opened his mouth to say something, but in all honesty, he didn’t know what to say.

Kokichi could hardly handle going back home, now he was going to get the attention of a Medal. Not that he was going back home. He shivered in the cold of the unheated helicopter. He pulled his clothes tighter around himself. When he felt the chilling metal of the tags against his chest. He looked back to Maki, he didn’t know if this was the best time, but he was going to forget again. “Hey Maki…” He said quietly, his voice softened and his hands gingerly pulled off a dog tag from around his neck.

She looked at him, with the same belittling glare. He signed, holding the tag out in his palm to her. “... I think he’d want you to have it.” He held it out to her. She stared at it, then hesitantly let him place it in her hands. He watched her turn it over, her red eyes showed hurt. The pang of pity hit his chest and he had to look away. His cursed imagination replacing Kaito with Shuichi and he honestly admired Maki for keeping it together so well.

“...How did he die.” She asked quietly. Her voice seemed devoid of all life, It scraped the bottoms of his heart and it made him shiver. He bit his lip, the pictures his body laying up at the sky. Cover and drenched in blood. That hopeless and _dead_ look in his eye. The memory made his hands around him dig into the fabric. “… Well, could of been blood loss… He was almost completely missing his left leg. He took a huge hit to his shoulder…” He spoke too careless for someone who lost the love of their life. He looked at Maki who lost the emotion in her eyes. Maybe now wasn’t the time to tell her he died a slow and painful death.

“....But he died instantly.” He lied. “I’m… sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. He felt responsible for his death even though he knew wholeheartedly that it wasn’t his fault. But he thought on this before, it just didn’t come in full impact.

Raising a child alone was hard. He’s heard ear full’s from other adults in his life. Having one without someone there with you must be beyond hard. Knowing the only person who would be there for you, is dead. Guilt washed over him again. Kaede would have been there for her. Kaede would be there for everyone. But his selfish wanting to keep Maki alive took over his mind, simply thinking that one was better than two. That being his last thought before he knew he’d kill Kaede.

He’d cry in his own shame later. For now, he let the sound of the Helicopters rotor blade fill the air. He saw out of the corner of his eye Maki putting on the dog tag and holding it tightly. “...Thank you, Kokichi.” He heard her mutter.

“Thank you.”

 

 

________________________________

 

 

 

It was a long trip, at least, he assumed. The slight vibrating of the walls that naturally happened had bribed him into another nap. “Kokichi wake up.” That ever so loving voice caused his eyes to crack open.

Kokichi yawned, “Nah, I’ll just stay here in this totally comfy position that isn’t bad for my neck at all. ‘Sides, Maki’s shoulder is surprisingly not cold and hard like her soul!” It was the moment he said that, when he actually realized he fell asleep and was using Maki as a pillow. Kokichi dropped his joke as he remembered the situation. “You could of just pushed me off.” He said as he looked out the window.

They were landing in a couple minutes. He could see the land from here. Maki let out a long tired sigh. “I could of. But I don’t think Shuichi would like me disturbing you.” Kokichi looked from the small window, the sound of Shuichi’s name had him looking across the aircraft wondering where he was. He spotted him sitting with his arms folded and head down. The boy was definitely exhausted. From this angle, though it wasn't the best, he finally got a good look at him. There was a blood stain on his upper left arm. It wasn't a large cut, but big enough to hold as fist sized stain. He sighed, assuming he was okay for now.

“Hey Maki…” He turned back to the red eyes that once held hate for him in his early years at hope's peak. “...What else did the captains and generals say about survivors?” Maki shrugged. “I didn’t hear the rest. Just be ready to stand up in front of everyone, because I’m sure you are the only one.” Kokichi sunk back in his seat with his arms crossed. “...There's no way I’m the only one.”

The aircraft descended to the landing pad. Kokichi looked out across the land he was so familiar with. He remembered not being able to come here due to a battle on the front line. Now coming back to see what remained… it was heart shattering. The buildings he knew inside and out lay in ruins. At least any bodies that were shot dead were cleaned up.

He let Maki get off, while he hung back to catch Shuichi. Who seemed to of fallen asleep, as he suspected. He pushed past the people getting off to where Shuichi hadn’t moved. “...Hey Shu, wakey wakey…” He kissed the others forehead. He shifted, opening his beautiful eyes. “...Ah, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Shuichi stood up, stretching his arms and letting Kokichi grab his hand. 

“That’s okay! I kinda took a nap myself. I feel soooo refreshed!” He hopped out with a dramatic skip in his step. Shuichi yawned, “Mm...I wish I did.” Kokichi let the other helicopter holding the injured capture his attention. “Hey, let’s go see how Rantaro is doing!” He tugged the tired Shuichi towards that direction.

He saw someone help Rantaro out, he seemed to of been doing better considering he was practically doubled over before the trip. “Hey Rantaro!” Kokichi shouted and waved. Rantaro waved back, and Kokichi refused to leave Shuichi’s side, so he dragged him over with him. “So where you off to?” Kokichi asked a little worried, Rantaro smiled the bad news smile. “Aha, well… I managed to puncture a lung, the doctor treating everyone said a piece of bone jutted out in the wrong angle and….yeah, the little spare room in the hospital has my name on it…” He chuckled.

They traded a few more words before they had to leave. Every soldier from across the land was ordered to gather up. They collected in a place with the least amount of snow. It hadn’t snowed as much here as it did back at the other land. Two more helicopters landed and it took just about 30 minutes to have everyone in one spot. 50 people, Kokichi guessed. 50 people were here. 

They were informed they had two days of rest before being divided into sectors again. Of course this news pertained to all the healthy ones. The commanders formally apologized for the killings along the shore, and promised better safety in the future. Kokichi stood next to Shuichi who grimaced in thought as they were told this. He could see the fear in the amber eyes.

He felt Shuichi squeeze his hand, in a silent plea of reassurance. Kokichi hugged his arm, and rubbed small circles into the others palm. Shuichi was a resilient fighter and such a strong soldier. But he didn’t belong on a battlefield. Shuichi didn’t deserve to see so much death. He didn’t deserve to be told to kill others, he didn’t deserve… after all these years of giving his all to survive, to be thrown back into the lion's den.

“Any and all survivors of the attack on the beach raise their hand!”

Kokichi momentarily froze. For once in his life he wasn’t running to be in the spotlight. He’d be recognized as a coward. A fool, who thought his own two feet could save him from harm. A quick minded idiot who saved no one. Only saved himself. He saw them falter. “Anyone...!?” He bit his lip to shove down his own nerves.

Against what his mind screamed, and the eyes he pictured burned holes into the back of his neck, He shot his hand into the air. “Right here sir!” He yelled. Everyone turned to look at him. It was at that moment Kokichi realized no one else was raising their hand.

He truly was the only one.

The general nodded, and motioned for him to come up. The crowd of soldiers parted like the sea as he stepped forward to follow orders. He left Shuichi’s side, the boy was giving him supporting smiles. Silence came with every step closer to his leaders. He felt like they were disgusted in him, judging him for his actions. Like they saw right through him, they knew he traded uniforms, they knew he betrayed them, _they knew he murdered—_

However when he stepped up on the small platform only to turn around to see amazed expressions. Not ones of hate. “Here stands our a part of our story!” His general yelled. “The only witness to one of many pieces of history in this unforgiving war! For his survival! He rightfully earned!-” He turned to Kokichi with a medal in hand. His eyes widened at the gold with intricate designs inbedding within it. “The Medal of Honor! For his brave actions and determination to save citizens when all odds against him!”

He swelled with pride, never in his life has he stood so tall. With his head held a little higher as they fastened the medal onto his new uniform. That Ultimately belonged to a new person. He turned to the crowd and smiled, formally saluting.

The cheers that erupted from everyone echoed in his ears. The smiles and happy faces. It dawned on him, that because he went through all that. Because he chose to suffer through it, he could give everyone the intell. He could help others with this knowledge. Not to mention the meeting he desperately needed with the commander. He needed to tell them some important information he obtained during his time as an unofficial spy.

It was… relieving to know the heartache he went through wasn’t for nothing. The agony of losing someone you cared about. The soreness and ache he got from just one bullet wound. The pain of feeling like you turned your back on the people you swore your ilegence to. To watch all that death and destruction pay off, it struck a feeling indescribable. Like the world took pity on him and lifted itself off his trembling shoulders. So he could receive the Medal of Honor. Though he felt like he was far from deserving, he accepted it.

Even stepping down from the platform the happy cheers and yells from those around him continued. Some were congratulating him, and others just wanted to touch him, by shaking his hand or patting his shoulder. Kokichi never felt so special before. It was how he felt before DICE died. When all around him looked up to where he stood. He knew this was temporary. But he soaked up the attention, just to make up for how lonely he felt in the past couple days.

 

 

…

 

 

It was at least an hour after the fact, that he was able to find Shuichi. Too many people were going up to him and talking to him as if he were an idol. He didn’t mind. But he had someone more important he would like to see. 

There was a cabin like building a little ways away from the destruction near the harbor. It was in the bunks, where Kokichi opened the door to find some people chatting in the early moonlight that came through the window. He had been looking all over, now he finally spotted him. Sitting on one of the beds, finishing up conversations with others. The second the other people stepped away, Kokichi snuck behind him and jumped up on the bed to wrap his arms around the detective. “...Hey Kokichi.” A tired voice greeted. Kokichi had his chin resting on the others shoulder as he kissed his cheek. “Mmm, Hey Shumai.” He kicked off his boots and wrapped his legs around him to be fully piggybacking him.

“Sorry I couldn’t see you after… The crowd washed me out.” Shuichi apologized, Kokichi couldn’t help but giggle. “...not to worry! All I did was get a super shiny piece of metal. Not a big deal. Totally wasn’t craving a hug or anything.” He nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He heard him sigh, “...Sorry.” Kokichi unwrapped himself and crawled over to sit beside him. “What’s wrong? You seem so sad.” Kokichi muttered as he snuck under Shuichi’s arm to have it around him. Another tired sigh.

“...Nothing really, I just… don’t want to go back. Though I know I have no choice… I’ll suck it up like I do.” Shuichi yawned, Kokichi nodded. “...Maybe another nap will do you some good. I call top bunk! Bet me two dollars that I won’t fall off again?” Shuichi let out a weak chuckle. “That was funny you know.” Kokichi stuck his tongue out at him. “No it wasn’t! I swear I still have a bruise from that!” He jokingly shoved Shuichi down onto the bed. He crawled on top of him so he couldn’t escape.

“You-are-all-mine-” He said as he kissed him between words. “K-Kokichi, St-Stop-” he was on the brink of laughter, so Kokichi slid his hands up to his neck. Shuichi let out the heavenly sound of forced giggles. “Oh? What’s this?” Kokichi teased as he slightly grazed the others skin. For extra measure he fluttered his fingertips over that area. “I believe I still remember this spot being sensitive..” Shuichi started laughing as Kokichi tickled his neck and moved down to get under his arm. “N-Nohoho! K-Kokichi not now!” He pleaded.

Kokichi tutted, “Ah, Ah, Ahh, Yes now! I must say, you look super ugly with that frown! Like, I can’t handle it.” Shuichi squirmed as he let out another strained laugh. Kokichi giggled at his expense. Others in the room ignored them like they learned to. Because over the past years of having Shuichi and Kokichi around, it was common knowledge that those two are Ultimates. And they stick together, It was just rubbing salt in the would for common knowledge that they were together.

However, their small moment of brief happiness ended when the door opened. “Is Shuichi Saihara, Kokichi Ouma, and Rantaro Amami in here?” Kokichi looked up, it was one of the captains of the squads. He hopped off Shuichi and pulled the other up. “Um, yes sir, just us.” Shuichi said, the captain nodded. “Follow me. You’ve been requested by the General.”

Shuichi and Kokichi shot each other confused glances, hurrying to shove on their boots as they followed the captain out. They went to the main lobby where chairs and fireplaces were. Some people were chatting in their respective groups, and others just relaxed. Kokichi and Shuichi were brought to one of the mini bars. Where Tenko was also waiting. “Wait here, We will be discussing something once everyone is with us.” The captain left, and Kokichi took a seat on the high stools.

Tenko sat oddly silent next to him. “Hey Chabashira!” Kokichi greeted, mostly expecting a slap to the face or a rude name. “...hey degenerate.” She sighed. That wasn’t like her at all. He wasn’t sure if he should push it or not. “Where’s Himiko? She’s normally with you, isn’t she?” Tenko nodded. But her head fell into her hands. “M-My little Himiko is in the hospital!” She cried, “Sh-She… She was shot badly in the arm while in our troops and we tried to save it, b-but the infection was too big!” She tried not to break down again. So she held her head higher, but tears shown anyway. “...she's going in for amputation.”

Shuichi quietly gasped at the news. “Really…? Will she be okay?” Tenko bowed her head, “I-I wish I knew… I swore to protect her! I swore I wouldn’t let them kill her! Not to mention touch her! I-It’s all my fault… It’s all my fault…” Kokichi watched Shuichi sit next to her and pat her back. Kokichi wasn’t even going to try and comfort her. Shuichi just seemed to get along with everyone. Even the ones who held men at the lowest of low.

“But hey! At least she could get a cool mechanical arm!”

“Kokichi.”

“Degenerate! Why I oughta-!”

Tenko was one step away from grabbing him before the Captain came back with Rantaro. “Hey Rantaro, out of medical care already?” Shuichi asked as he put distance between Kokichi and Tenko. Rantaro chuckled, “Yeah, doctor said I’m lucky it wasn’t that bad.” He sat down next to Kokichi. All four of them turning to the captain wondering what this little get together meant. The captain cleared their throat and looked at them all with a small smile. “We are giving you four a suspension of the missions. So you have a chance to go back home and continue your studies. Or go back to your families.”

 

He had said it so casually. Like it was such a normal thing. 

All four just stared. Shuichi's jaw dropped, alongside Kokichi. It sounded too good to be true. _Far,_ too good.  “Excuse me, But I thought I heard you say we were going home?” Rantaro asked. The captain only nodded. “That is what I said. Since you all are Ultimates and can better the world instead of killing yourselves in war.” Kokichi’s eyes widened in pure joy of the news. The only reason he wasn’t saying anything was his natural wonder to see if there was a catch.

That's when his mind offered it, before anyone could realize. His smile disspeared as soon as it graced his lips.

He found himself frowning. “Just us sir? Only the four of us? Because last time I checked, there were more ultimates.” One by one he saw the others excitement drain as they realized they had friends here. Friends and family they would be leaving behind. “Well, Himiko Yumeno would be here is she wasn’t in the hospital. Other than that, we can only send five out at a time. Meaning five every year. Last year a different sector of ultimates were released. The last of that class went home, now it’s time to start sending you back. Before you all get killed. As I’m aware, Kaede Akamatsu, Kaito Momota, and Ryoma Hoshi, will not be going back home.”

Everyone, was thinking. But to have it be said, out loud... No one was happy now. The depression in the air truly sinking in again. Ryoma...was the first out of the 16 to die. He sacrificed himself last year, much to everyone's anguish, to protect a family in harm's way. He died a hero, and they all knew he wanted to go out like that. “You will be sent home come the end of the two day break.”

Kokichi felt the regret creeping into his skin already. Even before he made his thought public. The cold, nauseous feeling that he felt before going into battle was burning the back of his neck and crawled down his spine. If this really was the only time to go home… in a year, then this was his final service. He looked up to the captain with his fate set. Nothing would change his mind. He knew it was too good to be true. Now, gripping the fabric of his pants tightly under the table, He was going to purposely blow it. “Sir, is it possible to hand my suspension to someone else?”

Of course the reaction was instant. Tenko, Rantaro, and Shuichi looked at him with shock as the Captain raised a brow at him. “It is possible. As long as they are an Ultimate. I don’t see why not. Just suggest the name and I’ll make rearrangements.” Kokichi quietly took a deep breath. It would set the whole thing in motion. He looked the captain in the eyes, ignoring his friends look of shock. 

“Maki Harukawa.”

 

…

 

“What!?” Maki yelled, looking at him in disbelief. “Why the hell would you…” she ran a hand through her hair and sighed in frustration.

Kokichi had gotten up and ran to find her. Right after the captain had allowed it. He left Shuichi in complete confusion, he promised he would explain later. Even if it hurt his feelings.

Kokichi mimicked her sigh as he crossed his arms. “Why would I?” He repeated. He couldn’t help the smirk that crawled over his face as he said his next words. “As far as I know, a year is longer, than 9 months." He watched her confusion change to wonder, to shock. “How did you know.” She asked in her deadly tone. Kokichi stepped farther away from her for his own safety. “I have my ways.” If only the small gap he created bigger made a difference, because Maki grabbed his tiny neck anyway with ease.

“Who did you tell.” She growled, her fingernails digging into his skin, “N-No one! No-Not even Shuichi! Only I know!” He grimaced, hoping she would let him go. But her grip remained tight. Maybe even tighter. “How do I know you aren’t lying.” She took one more step and caused him to hit the wall. All the more intimidating. “I-I have to no reason to. I hate ru-rumors as much as the next person. I’m sending y-you home.” She pressed her thumb into his main artery on his neck. “I’ll refuse the offer.”

“Maki!” He couldn't believe her. “No.” She said, “I’m staying.” He scoffed at her idiocy. He tried to pull her hand off his throat, or at least give him a little bit more air to breath. “It’ll die if you stay here! Go home and take care of yourself!”

Her eyes shined with a blood red murderous tint. “What if I don’t want it to live.”

It felt like the air had been knocked out of him. As if a hard punch to the stomach, though the pain wasn't real, it felt the same. “You...You can’t be serious.” He stammered. His disbelief quickly filling with anger. There was no way. There was no way he was going to let that happen. “Because you’ve got to be kidding me.” His voice dipped low, but his tone only got louder as he stared up at her, with the unforgiving trauma lighting the flame. “I...I killed Kaede over you…. I made sure you didn’t fall in that ice…” He started laughing. “So don’t you dare tell me! That all that, WAS FOR NOTHING.” She flinched, and her grip loosened slightly.

“I-I’m sacrificing you my FREEDOM! Maki! Don’t you understand my generosity here?!” He forced her hand off him. Maki grit her teeth, seething with anger foreboding in his words. “I have nothing there for me!” She shot back. “I have no family, I have no friends, I have no home! Kaito was everything! And I-I’ve lost him too!” She yelled, her voice shaking by the end. Kokichi didn’t have the heart to entertain her feelings for him. “That’s why I want you to go home with Shuichi! You have him! You have Tenko! You have Rantaro! They can fill the spot of _family_.”

Her glare shot daggers. If looks could kill, he would have been dead long ago. “You don’t understand. I can’t carry his—this child. I’m not a mother Kokichi. You out of all people should know I’m not nurturing.” That, he could agree with. But something else was there. It shone on her face, the way she was more defensive, her hair had been more of a mess, and stress levels must have been shooting through the roof. She was afraid.

“...You’re right. I have no idea what this is like. I can’t put myself in your shoes accurately. But If I was you, I’d keep it.” She rolled her eyes, “That’s my choice.” She growled back, Kokichi shot back a look similar to hers. “Can you, not be selfish for a second?” That insulted her. Before she could yell at him, he kept talking. “Do you know how much effort I put into keeping you okay!? Too much! Think about what I did. Think about how Shuichi would react if he eventually found out. Think about what Kaito would want.”

“Don’t go there. Kaito is dead. His opinion doesn’t matter anymore.” Kokichi only laughed, he laughed at her stubbornness. And how stupid she was. “Does it? Does it Maki? Because I think it does!”

She shoved him back when he was getting close again. “You think I want to have a reminder that he’s dead for the rest of my life?!” She yelled, her fists shook with anger she was trying not to take out on him. “You don’t understand how much it hurts to have someone you loved dead! What if Shuichi was dead!? And you had to look at a smaller version of him everyday for the rest of your pathetic life knowing you could have done something!!” The mention of Shuichi possibly dying hurt in ways he’d rather not say. “Maybe not in romantic relationships, but I know what death of a loved one feels like. And Maki, I know it hurts. But killing the last of him will do nothing!”

He saw frustrated tears roll down her cheeks, making him want to go a little bit easier on her. “I don’t have anything to give this child…!” She weakly potested. “I’m not ready for anything...” She muttered. Kokichi laughed feebly, “That’s okay, you have 9 months!”

He got punched for that one.

…

 

“So… let’s be clear, you’re keeping it?” Kokichi asked as they walked to their boys and girl bunks. Maki sighed, “...Fine. Yes. I’m keeping it. Only because your going to throw a fit if I don’t.” Kokichi clapped his hands. “See! I’m already practice!” He laughed as Maki resisted the urge to whack him again. He much preferred it than choking.

Kokichi stopped before the boys bunks. “Um, Maki?” He said before she had the chance to walk away. She turned, Kokichi looked at the door again, then back at her. “...Can I tell Shuichi? He’s going to be upset I’m not going with him.” Maki sighed, then rubbed her temple as she nodded. “Yes. Fine. I’d hate him to leave you mad. Especially since it might be the last interaction you have.” With that she turned and left. Way to be positive.

Kokichi sighed as he quietly opened the door, most were probably sleeping by now. He shut it behind him slowly, and made his way as silently as possible to where Shuichi hopefully was. By moonlight through the windows, he could see he was sleeping on the bottom bunk. Kokichi glanced up to where he would be sleeping, and decided against it. He pulled off his boots again, and removed all uncomfortable clothing. Like he typically did, and pulled the blanket back. Silently crawling in next to Shuichi.

He lay next to him on the small bed and felt Shuichi put an arm around him. Clearly not asleep. But it was a few minutes before he spoke anything.

“...Kokichi, why didn’t you want to come home with me.”

There was hurt in his voice, so much so that it was pointless to hide. “I...I thought you wanted to go home.” The way his voice cracked made Kokichi turn to face him. “Believe me… I do, I really do. But… Maki needs to go home far more than I do…” He whispered as he reached to gently pull back Shuichi’s hair behind his ear. He had to get straight to the point, “...because Maki is pregnant with Kaito’s child. Since I don’t think anyone wants her having the baby here, I let her have my suspension.”

Shuichi’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “W-What..?” He tired to keep quiet, but it came out in a breathy whisper. “Maki… Kaito’s…” Kokichi watched the shock relax into something softer. Like exception. Shuichi was kind in that way. Kind or stupid. Kokichi was fine with both. It took Shuichi less than a minute to get it processed through his head, while with Kokichi, he was up all night when he found out. Worrying. About where the child would end up. Where would Maki go. Will it even survive? What if it’s a miscarriage?

But eventually Kokichi stopped assuming the worst. “...I’m sorry I’m leaving you…” He whispered to Shuichi. “....I’m sorry I’m letting you make the trip home alone.” He put his head under Shuichi’s chin, and felt the gentle kisses being pressed into his hair. “I..I don’t deserve to go home… between you and me, you deserve it more…” He mumbled into Kokichi’s forehead.

“No…” Kokichi said, “...There is no greater reward than knowing you are safe at home.” Shuichi swallowed hard, probably trying not to get upset. “I-I don’t want to leave you here to die…” Shuichi’s voice shook, Kokichi knew leaving him behind would be the hard part, so he grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. “Hey… You can’t kill an Ultimate Supreme Leader… Not even with a hundred planes.” He joked.

Shuichi didn’t laugh, he only hugged him closer. “...You came close to it though.” Kokichi hummed. “..yeah, but I’m alive nonetheless.”

Shuichi pulled back enough so he could look at Kokichi. The big wide eyes that stared up at him were just as beautiful as the day they met. He kissed his forehead and traveled down to his nose, and lightly caught his lips. “...I’m scared to death that you’re going to die.” Shuichi whispered. Kokichi saw the tears collect in his eyes. “...Hey, shush… I’m going to make a promise okay?”

He caressed the others soft cheek with such care, simply touching him was joy bringing. “...You’re going to go home, and take care of Maki because Kaito couldn’t… You are going to keep living your life, and I promise… I promise I’m going to arrive on our doorstep one day, and I’ll finally make it home… I’m going to watch over Maki’s baby and watch them grow right next to you… You are going to help Maki tell tales of the time you fought side by side with Kaito and you’ll tell them they have his fighting spirit… and I’ll be right there…”

Tears slid down Shuichi’s cheeks, “Y-You speak as if you’re already dead… don’t make me imagine that… please Kokichi. Come home, and don’t come home to me in pieces… I lost two of my best friends… please don’t be next.” Kokichi smiled softly as he kissed the others neck, making each last a little longer so Shuichi remembers what his lips felt like on his skin. “...you know very well I can’t entirely promise that… and lying to you about it hurts me too much. I don’t want the last thing I say to you be a lie.”

 

Shuichi sat up a little so he could swing his leg over Kokichi. To straddle him. “...Then tell me the truth.” He whispered as he stared down at him. He gently brushed his fingers against Kokichi’s softer skin, his hand fell to his neck, where he traced a scar that attached to his shoulder. He kissed him longingly. If Kokichi had an answer, then he wasn’t letting him say it. He kissed him and Kokichi made sure to kiss back. For now, for these two nights they would have, it was all about them. Because after learning the true life threatening conditions…

This may very well be the last time they see each other alive.

Kokichi pulled from the kiss to catch his breath, honestly Shuichi made him forget to breath. He reached up to thread his fingers through the beautiful silky blue hair. “I love you…”

 

“...and that’s the truth.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really nervous to post this...XD I wasn't sure how people would like the way I ended this one, I just thought it would be fun in a way, anyway, enough procrastination! Enjoy

The next day and the following night was a blur. It all went so quickly… too quickly for both of them.

It was early morning, Kokichi and Shuichi were awake and walking down the hallways of the building at 5:30am. Knowing very well that in just an hour, Shuichi would have to go home. And in that, Kokichi was back to the battle front. They were holding each other’s hand, maybe too tightly.

Kokichi swung their arms back and forth as they simply enjoyed one another’s company. Kokichi wouldn’t, and couldn't sleep away these precious hours even if he wanted to. Because he was mainly walking off the nightmare that visited him last night. “You doing okay now?” Shuichi asked as they turned into the empty room with fireplaces dying out. “...I would be better if I wasn’t going back. Those lovely nightmares are pleasant reminders!” He collapsed dramatically into one of the cushioned chairs that really wasn’t that cushioned.

Kokichi heard Shuichi sit down at the other chair. He sighed and stared up at the dark ceiling. “So! What are you betting on? Boy or girl?” Kokichi asked, not really in the mood to talk about his possible death. Shuichi hummed in thought, “I’m not sure… Normally when I guess, I go back to family trees. Like who had more brothers or sisters. See what sex was prominent.” That seemed like a logical thing to do. Kokichi chuckled, “Yeah well, Maki was orphaned and Kaito’s an only child. Not too much to work with.”

He sat up to look at Shuichi. “Unless you want to do a blood test! Wouldn’t that be so messed up if they were related? That kid is gonna end up dumber than Kaito.” Shuichi only hummed in thought as he listened. “Maybe… what are you betting on?”

Kokichi shrugged. “No idea. But if I were to bet my life on it… I’ll say girl.”

“Then I say boy.”

Kokichi gasped, “You’re going against my guess just to spite me!? I see how it is.” Kokichi hopped up and sat himself in Shuichi’s lap. “Now you’re trapped and can never ever escape.” Kokichi leaned in to peck his cheek, “but you wouldn’t mind that at all would you? Especially after last night… I’m surprised we weren’t caught.” He laughed as Shuichi’s face turned a dark rosy shade. “...Well that’s because you’re so good at covering up anything and everything. And you’re right…” He pulled Kokichi in and locked his hand around him. “...I wouldn’t mind in the least that I’m stuck with you.”

“Yuck. You sound suggestive when you use that voice.”

“But you like it don’t you.” He said, in an exaggerated monotone voice. Kokichi giggled as he kissed his neck lightly, he knew it tickled. “No! I hate it! You’re ugly and I can’t stand the sound of you.” Kokichi said defiantly as he flicked Shuichi's cowlick of a hair strand. “How does this thingy even stand up?” He joked. He pulled it down so it touched Shuichi’s nose. “It’s always done that. You know that hat I used to wear? I thought if I wore it for awhile it would press it down, but it has a mind of its own.”

Kokichi giggled, “Yeah, I can practically see it wagging when you see me shirtless.”

“Speaking of shirtless, you were pretty distracted that in training a few years back, remember that?”

“Ha. No.”

 

_Kokichi groaned as he gave up after that last round of sit-ups. “You’re such a baby.” Maki said as she rolled her eyes. She continued to go to three hundred and leave him behind. “Oh yeah? Well at least I can make it to two-fifty. Your mister boyfriend-Chan can even do forty.” He gestured towards Kaito who was morally encouraging everyone else. Meanwhile he was avoiding exercise himself. “Like yours is any different.” She retorted. Kokichi scoffed, “Shuichi can do at least… uh, ninety nine! He’s better when it comes to push ups though.”_

_He stood up and stretched his sore limbs. Early summer and the sun was beating down on them. No mercy in these parts. Kokichi pulled at his collar to let his neck breath. “You don’t suppose they will let us have another water break.” Maki stood up after him, “Doubt it. We’re lucky we even got one. Now get back to it before we are forced to run till sundown.” Kokichi waved a lazy hand in her direction. “Eh, they’ll make us do that anyway.”_

_Kokichi only turned his head and smiled. “Oo la la…” Rantaro and Shuichi were finishing up a run around the facility and Shuichi was topless. Drenched in sweat, and looking faint. “Don’t tell me that’s what you’re into.” Maki said, even if her voice showed no sign of it, she was teasing. Kokichi gasped, “You mean you aren’t?! I swear I saw you drooling over Kaito a few days ago.” She whacked the back of his head. “Was not.” He chuckled. “Was too!”_

_“Hey,” A half out of breath Shuichi greeted. Kokichi noticed he was suddenly right in front of him. He fought down the warmth across his face. “Yuck. Shuichi is all sticky and gross.” He turned his nose up at him and hid his smirk. “He means you're hot.” Rantaro laughed, Kokichi looked betrayed. “No I don’t! I don’t even like him!” He lied, Shuichi chuckled._

_“It’s not like this is the first time I’m shirtless.”_

_“No it’s because you’re working out. It’s different.”_

_“Is it? How so?”_

_“Don’t act like you don’t know! Playing dumb with me hm?”_

 

 

Kokichi giggled, “I never seen you actually work out shirtless till then. You should do that more often, I’ll bring popcorn.” The rich blush spread across Shuichi’s cheeks. The sudden assertiveness gone. But it depleted into more sadness. “...I want us to have more memories like that.” Shuichi murmurs quietly against Kokichi’s cheek, promptly kissing it.

The sound of others waking echoes through the building. The small beat up jeep puckered to a stop just outside. Kokichi threw his arms around Shuichi. “...Keep my scarf.” He whispered. Just in case he never got back, he would want Shuichi to have it. “No, that gives you the option to not come back. Swear to me that you will come back, and give it to me then.” Kokichi only chuckled. He pulled out his scarf and pressed a kiss into its tattered fabric. “... then I would have no reason to give it to you. Keep my kisses. Make you feel better, maybe a little bit.” He kissed it again, then kissed Shuichi’s chin. “Keep my kisses forever and ever.”

Shuichi hugged him tightly, even when he stood up, Kokichi had his legs around him. “You can also keep this one-” He kissed his nose. “And this one-” He kissed his lips. Except Shuichi kissed back on that one. Stealing Kokichi’s breath away in one prolonged kiss. They broke apart when footsteps were coming down the hall. “...ah.” Kokichi muttered. “...you can’t keep that one. I’ll save it for myself.”

Shuichi pressed his forehead against his. “Sure. Just look forward to some in the future.”

“Hey love birds. We have a jeep to get into.” The tired voice of the teasing Rantaro filled the air. Both boys turned, Kokichi still hugging Shuichi with all four limbs. “...For once I won’t criticize you degenerates…” Tenko murmured. Maki was silently following them. Looking at Kokichi with a mixture of gratitude, respect, and… pity.

They all had that look in their eyes. Knowing themselves that if they had to part with someone who taunted death by poking it with a stick…. They would have a hard time too.

Kokichi slid off Shuichi. He ran over to hug Rantaro. “...I’ll take care of him.” The kind taller boy said as he hugged back. “...I’ll also take care of her.” He hinted to Maki. Kokichi looked up in mild shock. “You know…?” The other nodded. “I watched my mother go through 13, I know a few signs.” He responded gently, hushed enough for her not to hear.

He turned to Maki. “Y’know, a small thank you or losing the pity in your eyes would be appreciated!” He smiled. Maki looked away from him. “I’ll lose the pity.”

“Guys we got to go!” Tenko said as she excitedly looked out to the Jeep. Which probably had Himiko inside. “Bye Kokichi...” Maki said gently.

He followed them out. Giving Shuichi one more hug. “See you soon…” The taller muttered. “Yeah, only in a few short months.” Kokichi said sarcastically. He stole one last kiss before Shuichi hopped in with everyone else. Shuichi leaned out the window to capture Kokichi’s hand. Just to hold him, even for a couple mild seconds that would disappear into the year. It seemed silly, but he would always cherish the way Shuichi held his hand. “I love you…” Shuichi said, the sad glint in his eyes a hard fact to come to terms with. Kokichi stood on his tiptoes to reach Shuichi’s lips one more time. “I love you too…” Kokichi whispered before the Jeep started moving.

“Stay alive!” Shuichi called out as he was being taken further away from him. Kokichi waved as they disappeared into the sky that was slowly getting lighter. The sun’s warm rays just barely peeking over the hills in the distance. Creating a brilliant color that dyed the sky. It’s beautiful moment Kokichi would remember for the rest of his life. If he lives short, or till old age. “I’ll try!” He called back as loud as he could. He knew they couldn’t hear him now. The insensitive tears rolling in to fill the empty in his eyes. “...I-I’ll try…” He whispered to himself, his voice cracking along with his mask.

The feeling of dread was rising in his chest. Sadness he’d been keeping in for Shuichi was taking its unfair toll. His throat getting more and more choked up as he stood motionless in that dirt road. He ran his hand over the one Shuichi held. Such tender touch he wouldn’t forget. He touched his lips, the ones that he only let Shuichi kiss. It hurt to know that it could be the last time he’d see him. He smiled as he let the tears of heartache roll down his cheeks. “I’ll come back…” he muttered. “I’ll come back one day! You hear me!” He screamed at the empty air. No one was up yet. It was around the hour they would.

But all that sat around him was the small layer of snow and crisp air. The smell of fire in the distance. The pounding of his heart against his ribs. No people. No trucks. No gunshot. Just… silence.

He turned on his heels to walk towards a building he knew. He wiped away the tears, knowing that Shuichi would hate it if he left him crying. He put on determination. This Medal of Honor he wore wasn’t just to show off. It was to present the fact that he was a survivor. Someone who was worth a position well earned.

While on his little spy mission. He collected information from his group. The group he murdered mercilessly. He went into the camps himself. He saw their base. He saw weak points and checkpoints. He saw maps and coordinates. All he picked up while feverish and in disguise. He had important information that will prevent other happenings like the beach.

Never again. He shuddered. Never, ever, again.

He walked up to a cabin and knocked on the door. This story was about to be heard. This story will reach across the whole land. It’s exclusive, rare, and worth the notice. Everyone had to know what happened. Every, single, one.

It might spread panic. It might spread the feeling of caution with their very own army. But not for long. The door opened.

“Who is here at god knows how early!– oh, you! What are you doing here?”

Kokichi smiled. “You’ve been looking for a story, right?” The other person looked on hesitantly. “Yes… I have.”

“Well I’ve got one.”

He was immediately let inside. This was the cabin stay of the interviewers, authors, people who make documentaries, photographers. All to document what goes on in these hard years. All of them know of him. The one who survived the beach. The one who fought without holding back. The hero of individuals who owe their life to him. They all wanted his story. And he was willing to sit through hours of questions if he had to get it.

The writer let him sit down at the table as they frantically grabbed a pen and notepad. Their hair was still a mess and in a throw on robe. “Okay, are you willing to start now? I’ve been dying to get your intel.”

Kokichi nodded, he got comfortable in his chair because this was going to be a long day.

“Okay, first off, what made you want to document your very rare point of view? Since you always said no before.”

He smiled, a smile far too big. Most would call him creepy for it, but that was the effect he always loved. “I figured… why not let the country know about what’s going on? After all, they better get used to how I roll. That starts with this.”

They nodded. “And why must they get used to you?”

Another dumbly wide smile. Kokichi glared at them into their eyes and through their soul. His aura turning dark and powerful. Intimidating the writer in front of him. Using his deeper voice and violating persona, he responded with pure truth.

 

“Because I’m the future General of the army. Soon their ways of battle, weapons, and themselves will be under my power. So they sure as hell will be knowing why they are submitting to me.”

 

...

 

Later in the day, the writer was able to get on a computer. With all their notes and paragraphs of answers they picked apart, they were ready to type of a rough draft. “What should I call it? That sounds appropriate for the papers, but not belittling… something that stands out. Something that kids will learn to call in history classes…”

Kokichi thought for a moment. “Hm...most had been calling it the Coastal killing, but it’s not popular. Others say the graveyard on the beach. Shoreline genocide. Coastline battle. The massacre on ocean waters.” The writer held up a hand. “Wait!” They thought for a moment then gasp. “I’ve got it!” They went to their computer and clicked up to their heading page. Just two words were typed in. They turned the computer for his approval. Kokichi looked at the words and smiled.

“I like that. It’s perfect.” He said his goodbyes after that. It was just a little past noon. Rolecall happened a while ago, but he didn’t care. He had information to bargain for and a position to rightfully claim.

He thought back on the words that were behind the screen. It… felt just like that. A horrible event matched up into those words. Readers all over will want to get a load of that. Filled with drama and admitted love stories. He would have to go back and give that writer more to go off of. That writer… had some good choice in words.

 

`Coastline Massacre_|`

 

`A true story of a valiant soldier in this world war III. Back on a beach where his life struggle continues to pull and tug as his weakening faiths. An only survivor to a mass killing. A murderer for loved ones. An undying will to live to see someone he adores. This is a story, of the future general of the army, Kokichi Ouma.`

`The ground below him was cold. The blood soaked dirt had become frozen mud. His hair solidified in it’s muck. His eyes cracked open with his first breath being sharp. The air stabbed his lungs that threatened a repulsive cough. It would only erupt more pain that bloomed from his side. He breathed slowly. The air held a chilling crisp edge. Drawing it in was laborious. He felt the cold biting at his nose and pinching his ears. Goosebumps ran down his arms where a raw red had formed.`

 

 

He hoped the final draft turned out well. He hoped everyone would know his story. He hoped one day as he stands out in front of his troops, they will be able to look up to see a strong man.

For now, he had an army to take control of. It was time to show his captains, his generals,

_How a true Leader does it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, I liked it, it was fun, hope you did too. (Theres 1 more chapter that's gonna be soo loong...) But! Ignore the logic to the situation. I hoped you enjoyed the way I ended it, I was having a hard time thinking of a not-boring way to end it... this is the result :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than a thousand tongues. They are messages of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me.. I have been diggin around for inspiration. So I resorted to the best ending yet!

Shuichi rocked back and forth in the rocking chair. The creek of the wood was the only thing making a sound. Besides the gentle sounds of hushed breathing. It was midnight, the light from the moon was pouring into the nursery. Maki had left an hour ago, he was really hoping to give her a break. He yawned, even if he wasn’t the father, he felt as if he was. The exhaustion pulled at his eyes and headaches that grinded against his temples more prominent than ever.

The tiny body in his lap was sleeping. The four month old had been having a hard time sleeping through the night. The doctor said it should take a couple months for restless sleepers. Shuichi kept himself awake, Maki hasn’t been able to sleep properly since the arrival of her daughter. He sighed softly, Tenko was the only one in the room when she was born. Maki said she didn’t care if Shuichi was, but for his own safety, he was going to avoid passing out. Knowing himself, that was very likely.

The small baby hiccuped and Shuichi looked down alarmingly. Sure enough, she started whining and opened her mouth to let out her loud cry. Shuichi cradled her and rocked her till her cries subsided into peaceful silence. He’s heard you were suppose to leave a baby alone at night so they learn to sleep on their own. But she was stubborn and will cry and cry until the sun comes up, along with her very tired and exhausted mother.

Her birth was very normal. Nothing was wrong. Maki claimed that giving birth to her was easy, just labor pains unlike anything she’s felt. Shuichi was there _after_ she was born and cleaned up. He carefully carried Maki’s baby over to her crib. He lay down her little head on the soft fabrics. She would probably wake up hungry soon, Maki said she was fine if he came to wake her up. He felt like that would be rude, considering her sleep schedule. Being little to none lately.

Maki was a surprisingly good mother. She says that she’s had practice when taking care of kids in the orphanage. Babies were far more draining and needy, but caring for them is the same. If not slightly harder. Shuichi leaned over the crib, just to stare at this… rather beautiful baby. She had dark raspberry hair. More dark brown at the roots, and the ends fading more into that berry color. Her eyes a red violet shade.

Shuichi rubbed his eyes, the exhaustion daunting. He, Rantaro, Himiko, and Tenko have been helping out with her. It was his turn to help for the week if Maki needed it. She always said she didn’t, but they all knew she did. He collapsed into the rocking chair again.

He smiled gently as he looked up to the ceiling. Little glow in the dark stars and planets decorated the bluish paint. Shuichi remembered the day he helped paint the nursery, they had bets on a boy but it ended up being a girl. It was Maki’s idea to give her a sky full of stars. She was 6 months in by then. Certain constellations on the ceiling were from Kaito’s jacket. The one he wore when he went to Hope's Peak. The memory was sweet. Too sweet. It coaxed him to let his eyes fall shut. He closed his eyes for just a second, one brief moment.

 

…

 

 

_He was standing next to Kaito. He was smiling with one arm around Shuichi. “Yo! How’s it going!” His typical cheery voice breaks across his mind. Both were in their hope’s peak uniform, walking to school on a bright morning. Though, it seemed a warm fog was around his vision. Everything else was blurred, and all he could see was Kaito. “It’s been good.” Shuichi said. His voice sounded whispy and it seemed to echo._

 

_“Maki’s doing okay, right?” He asked, his smile dropping a bit. Shuichi nodded. “Didn’t you see her yesterday?” The word ‘Yesterday’ bounced off the non existing walls. Getting farther and farther away, yet coming back, and eventually fading. “...Shuichi, I’m sorry.” He heard Kaito whisper._

 

_Suddenly the peaceful world around him shifted. Harshly ripping away the world he cherished so much. He blacked out only to open his eyes up to sand. Sand. He looked up, he was on a beach. A beach that was too familiar. “K-Kaito? Where did you go!? Come back!” He yelled, but the fog draped across the land made it hard to see anything. Fear seeped into his conscious._

 

_“Shuichi!”_

 

_He heard his name but it was echoing again. He wanted to run to him, but he knew this place, he would trip over bodies. He didn’t want to see bodies. He couldn’t handle it. “Kaito..!?” His voice cracking and bleeding into his mind. Why did he feel so dizzy? He got up off the sand floor, and walked forward._

 

_Out of the fog, there was a silhouette. “Kaito!?” He called out, breaking into a run. But before he could reach him, he was gone. “No...Kaito.. I never… said goodbye..!” He remembered now, he was dead._

 

_“Goodbye? You didn’t have to.” Shuichi whipped around. There was his friend sitting on the ground. Next to… “Is this how you…” Shuichi knelt down. The fog growing so heavy that all he could see was the perfect untouched Kaito next to a body that resembled him. Flesh rotting, leg torn to pieces… “I...found it difficult to leave.” The boy with magenta hair admitted. “But I figured, I really loved to see the stars up close! So I, let myself go…”_

 

_Shuichi reached for him, this time falling into his hug. “...I didn’t want you to die…” He whispered, on the brink of tears. “I know… but hey! Don’t look so down! My daughter can take my place as the luminary of the stars! I really appreciate you helping out my Maki roll! I… didn’t mean to put her through all that pain…” He pat Shuichi’s back._

 

_“...I protected Kokichi like I promised. Remember? At the harbor?” Yes, he did remember. “...I took a bullet for him. That’s my torn up shoulder for you. I might’ve landed on him, I’m not sure.” He laughed. That laugh carrying around his ears that seemed to be filled with water. “You...you...sacrificed yourself…?” He couldn’t believe it._

 

_But it went unanswered. He heard a groan behind him. He turned around and saw a cloudy like opening. Through the opening he saw Kokichi. “What.. What’s happening to him..?” He asked, suddenly feeling dazed. Kaito helped him up and they got closer. Until they stepped through, their surroundings changed again._

 

_They were standing in a small cabin like room. “You should be proud of him…” Kaito softly remarked, followed by another pained groan. Kokichi was laying on the floor on a couple of bloodied sheets, with two doctors around him. “...He became the General of the army’s assistant two months after you left. He’s the first to ever get that job so quickly.”_

 

_Shuichi heard about that, but the Kokichi in front of him was trying not to scream in deep agony. “What’s… happening…” He asked. For some reason, talking was becoming harder to do. His jaw felt heavy and his tongue felt thick in his mouth. “...He’s dying.”_

 

_Shuichi looked at him in shock. “N-No… no, no, he’s not.” His voice shook with anger of this horrendous lie. “He suffered from many fractures, was shot too close to the heart, and his lungs are too badly ruptured. He lost too much blood. Yes, he’s dying Shuichi.”_

 

_“D-Do something…!” He cried, grabbing Kaito’s jacket and shaking him. Proving fruitless. He didn’t move. “I know it’s been hard losing everyone…” Kaito said solemnly. Shuichi continued to cry. Kaito...Kaede...Ryoma… not Kokichi… not Kokichi… “Don’t let him leave…!” He begged. “Don’t let him leave…! Please… I can’t…” He turned to the boy shaking so badly in pain._

 

_Shuichi tried to go over to him. “He won’t see you Shuichi, he can’t. You can’t… prevent death. His body can’t handle that much pain.” Kaito put a firm hand on his shoulder as he tried to go to him. “...His heart is going to stop any minute. I figured you wanted to see him one last time…” Shuichi broke free of his grip._

 

_He didn’t care if he couldn’t see him. He knelt down next to him. “...Hey… hey it’s okay…” He whispered to Kokichi who was going in and out of consciousness. They had a cloth in his mouth to bit down on as they tried to fix the issue. Tears and sweat rolled down Kokichi’s terrorized face. “...stay...please...stay to see me, I need you…” He whispered, his voice so hushed that even if he was here with him, he wouldn’t hear._

 

_Kokichi’s eyes were rolling to the back of his head. “...I love you.” He said louder. “I told you to stay alive didn’t I!? So don’t you slip away now!” He yelled, the tears falling too fast. He could almost hear a heart monitor in his mind stop beating._

 

_“You said you’d protect him…” Shuichi helplessly whimpered as he tried to touch Kokichi’s expressionless face. No sense of feeling reached his fingertips. “...I-I wanted him to live! I wanted to hold him... I’ve been waiting for so...so long…” Kaito picked him off the ground to hug him away from Kokichi. The doctors were yelling at each other now. Trying to restart the heart. But it was no use._

 

_“...I-I wanted Kokichi back…” His whispered heartbrokenly. “...I’ve been so...lonely… I can’t...I can’t do this anymore without him...”_

 

_“Shuichi…”_

 

“...I-I can’t…”

 

_“Shuichi.”_

 

_“...I..”_

“Hey Shuichi… wake up.”

He blinked a couple times, his hands coming up to where his eyes felt wet. “...mm, M-Maki? Sorry… fell asleep, again…” The woman beside him sighed. “...That's alright. Sachi seemed to of slept the rest of the night. So whatever you did, thanks.” Shuichi looked up to the crib where he saw the little baby still sleeping. “...what time is it?” He asked in a hushed tone. Not wanting to disturb the beautiful silence.

“...it’s almost 7. I would of let you sleep longer if you weren’t…” She walked over quietly to the crib. “...having a bad dream... Was it about him?” She was hesitant. Knowing Shuichi most likely didn’t wanted to be reminded. “Ah...um. It was… the same one as last time…” he wiped his eyes again.

There was a little whine. Maki and Shuichi looked up to where the baby was once sleeping. Sachiko, named after the relief Maki felt when born, started crying. Maki rubbed her eyes and picked up her baby. “She’s hungry…” she muttered. Shuichi stood up to let Maki take the rocking chair. “Want me to make you breakfast?” He asked before he gave Maki and Sachiko privacy. She nodded and Shuichi left with closing the door gently.

He sighed, feeling the epitome of depression sinking in again. He had been stuck between his wanting to help Maki and stay home. They all lived in the same neighborhood. So they were closely knitted together. Shuichi and Kokichi lived next door to Kaito and Maki. He loved being home. Yet he hated it. At home was where so much reminded him of Kokichi’s absence.

There was a flower garden, a very small flower garden in his backyard. Kokichi planted them there. He said he always loved the smell of fresh flowers in spring. That’s why he planted the ones that sprouted every year. There was his checkered scarf he kept on his dresser. Every night he’s home, he sees it. There was still panta’s in the fridge. Being kept nice and cool. He had to eventually get rid of them. Those have been sitting there since he left.

His shampoos and conditioner were still in the bathroom. His clothes he didn’t take were still in his closet that he liked to share with him. His smell was still everywhere. Even after all this time. Being at Maki’s house… he got a break from his memory with the business of the baby.

He set the small plate of breakfast out on the table. Making sure Maki ate at least a little bit. Just in time too. Maki walked out of the nursery with a baby on her hip. The happy little Sachiko was playing with Maki’s hair. “Thanks…” Maki said as she set Sachiko in the small high chair. Shuichi set a little plastic toy keys in front of her. Just to keep her distracted while Maki ate something.

“I could do this myself..” she muttered as she bit into her toast. “...but I guess It’s appreciated.” Shuichi smiled politely as he patted Sachiko’s little head. “No problem…” he turned to clean up what little mess he made. Maki eyed him as he picked up a few things. Even Shuichi could feel the growing tension. The building question that surely would relieve it.

“Shuichi, I hate to bring this up, but what are you going to do if Kokichi is dead.”

Silence followed her question. He knew he had to think about it. Yet, every time he kept thinking about it, he would end up tearing down his thought process entirely to not get upset. “I-I would still help you of course. I won’t disappear on you, I promise.” There was an unsatisfied hum. “That’s not what I care about. Are you going to get rid of his stuff? Are you going to keep living alone?”

It was just like her to push emotion out of a conversation. “...I..I don’t know.” He took Maki’s newly emptied plate and started washing it. “I’d like to think he’s still coming back…” he half whispered. Knowing what Maki would say back. “It’s been a month. No one is back. They all could be dead.”

Shuichi set the clean plate back in the cabinet. “...I don’t like considering that option. But if… that is what happened, then I guess I’d move in with Rantaro.”

Maki nodded. “Right. It’s been over a year, how long are you going to wait?” Another hard question. Shuichi picked up the plastic keys Sachi dropped. “...maybe another year. Maybe there was a delay, it could happen.” Maki stood to pick Sachi up. “True. Here, come with me to the living room. I’m sure Sachiko would like you to play with her.”

He did, Sachiko was sat on a little baby blanket. Giggling, trying to grab her foot and suck on it. One thing she really enjoyed was getting tickled. Shuichi found the sperts of joyful, innocence laughter calming in a way. Much more preferred over nights upon nights of non stop wailing. He always liked to see if the similarities between Kaito and Maki shown up yet. He noticed she had a little birthmark under her left eye. Just like Maki.

“I noticed you started a bad habit again. _That_ , bad habit.” Maki said seriously, as she sat on the floor next to Sachi. “What bad habit…?” He asked. She narrowed her eyes and her lips pressed into a thin line. It was almost motherly concern, mixed in with her old habit of threatening one's life. “That cut on your wrist.” She said harshly, in a whispered tone, but still powerful. “Th-That’s the only one…” he responded quickly as he reached to pull down his sleeve a bit more.

“Maybe. But is it going to continue?” She raised her brow. He bit his lip in guilt. It had been painfully hard not to recently. It was a habit he developed in middle school, and was able to stop once he met him. He healed. He went to war. He came back. And things came crashing down on his shaking shoulders all over again. Every night was a struggle. Not only were the nightmares taunting, but the loneliness the other side of the bed screamed heavy heartache. He couldn’t even hear a popping noise without fear from nowhere come flooding back into his mind.

“Shuichi.” Her voice brought him back to reality. “Do you need a therapist? Someone to talk to?” He shook his head. He should have resisted the urge. He really should of. Kokichi has tried so hard to coax him out of it, and for a time, it worked. “I...I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, really, I promise.”

She sighed again. “You can go home. You look tired and I don’t need anymore help with Sachi.” Shuichi nodded. For once killing the idea of a bed. Though, if Maki expected an easy sleep, a peaceful night of rest… It was no different compared to spending hours with a sobbing baby. There are still screams. There are still wails of high and unimaginable discomfort.

“...Maki.” He said before he even moved to get up. “Don’t you ever...get nightmares?” his voice cracked on the word nightmare. Having himself remember all the events that flash through his mind at night, it still shook him to his core. Being awake… didn’t matter. Not one bit. “Sometimes.” She said, as she reached over to jossle plastic keys in front of Sachi. She looked up to see the hurt in his eyes.

She sighed, remembering to have some condolence. “But I’m used to it. You have to understand I was raised in cold blooded murder. I’m used to violence and death… I swear you aren’t the only one. Himiko has the hardest time… not to say your pain is any less.”

Shuichi winced. More so in the ache of Himiko and her poor arm. His pain, is much less than hers. He is so thankful Miu designed fully functional prosthetic arms before then, or else Himiko would have to live with no arm, or if any, it would have no joint movement. “...It’s not… only, the nightmares.” He nearly whispered. “I’m…”

He hesitated. Even alone he has a hard time thinking about it, he sucked in a sharp breath. Knowing all too well that it could be a reality he might be forced to face. “...I’m scared Kokichi is going to die, and I’ll have to live without…” he cut himself off. “I-I’m sorry, you and…” He was being insensitive. To talk about losing a loved one to someone who already had suffered loss… “It’s okay.” She said. “Talk, I’m listening. Don’t let my situation override your need.”

Another deep breath and he stared at Sachi. Finding her little hands wrapping around the baby toys, giggling innocently and shoving them in between her gums. “...I’m scared to live without Kokichi. I-I have awful habits that are hard to bite down, I always talk to him about my parents- who I haven’t even called yet, they still think I’m…” he huffed out a frustrated sigh and rubbed his temples. “I-I’ve been taking far too much migraine medication and forgetting to eat. I’m losing it, Maki… I,” he stopped. Mainly because he couldn’t continue.

Maki could sense it, the pain boiling under the surface of his weak smiles of hope. When both knew well that their friends could be buried under layers of ash and bodies. Shuichi shook his head, he was biting his lip hard. In a feeble attempt to swallow the cries he’s been fighting back. “Stay… if you want.” Maki offered. Sachi had managed to roll over and bumped her little head on the carpeted floor. Successfully ending in a cry that was too loud.

He watched Maki scoop her baby off the floor and calm her wail with pattering soft kisses into her forehead. This woman had changed so much since before the draft came to haunt their lives. She was softer, yet more stressed than the girl who threatened the lives of fellow classmates back in hopes peak.

Here she was, rocking and coddling a baby she swore to never have. He sometimes hears her mutter how much she hates her new life, yet Shuichi can’t help but think she’s lying to herself. She loves Sachi, but hasn’t been able to bring herself to accept it. Since she hardly said those special words to Kaito before he was… killed.

“Stay?” Shuichi echoed. Finding the offer unlike her. It must not be for the help of the baby, instead more so to help him cope with the undying loneliness gnawing at his heart. In all fairness, his health had been diminishing after a month of no one coming home. It was strange, heartbreaking, and nightmare inducing. After all, anything could have happened. The send home could have been delayed, or simply, they died.

He flinched at his own thoughts. When tiny hands grabbed a fistful of his hair, he was snapped back to the small baby. “Stop thinking about it.” Maki ordered. Setting Sachi in his lap, and letting her grasp his nose. He smiled weakly and gentle uncoiled her fingers off his hair and face. Letting the soft squishy baby fingers around his.

“...It’s not that simple, and you know it.” He quietly muttered back. “...Every day is a reminder, especially Sachi since… Kokichi loved little children and babies…” He whispered that small fact about him. Though that boy never admitted it, he saw the way his face lit up when a woman with a baby stepped into a room. He would be all over that toddler within seconds. “He… would have made a great father.”

The words slip past his lips before he could stop them. His face rightfully burns a bright color as he slowly takes in what he was saying. He’s thought about it since Sachiko’s arrival. What he and Kokichi would be like if they ever started a family. What their little boy or girl would be named. How he would watch Kokichi tell them stories of the war, but more kid friendly and dramatic. How their child might fall into their arms after their first steps.

A tear rolls down his face, yet he’s smiling. “… Kokichi would love Sachi.” Even if Kokichi did die, he promised to be right here watching over her. He chuckles at the memory of Kaito’s fear of ghosts. He would hate the thought of spirits looming over his child blowing kisses.

“...So you’re okay with the death of Kokichi?” Maki asked bluntly. Shuichi laughed. The laugh coming from his exhaustion, but that was fine. Everything since then has just been fine. “No, Maki… I’ll never be fine with it. I just… find peace with the idea that he’d still be here, one way or another.” Tears brim his eyes at his next words. “Though,” His voice cracked already. “...Sometimes I wonder if it would kill the universe to let me see him one more time...”

She sighs. Though she was far from fed up with his emotional breakdowns. It was more of a sympathetic release of air. Drawn out on a relief or tiredness. Either way, he feels slightly better. “...You’re tired. You watched Sachi most of the night, take the guest room and sleep for once. No nightmares.”

He chuckled dryly. As if he could help it. He kissed Sachi’s little hand and pried her grip off his finger. She would be so strong when she got older. Just like her mother. Maki took her and he got up to follow strict orders. Guest room. Sleep. No nightmares.

Simple.

 

 

Shockingly enough, he slept until noon. Only to blink sluggish eyes awake when a faint cry grew louder in the other room. He yawned and slowly got up from the bed. Pleased to of slept nightmare less for once.

He slid himself to the edge of the mattress. Rubbing his eyes of the sleep that pulled at his mind. It whispered ideas of going back to lay down, to ignore the rest of the world for a little longer. It was the fact that Sachiko hasn’t stopped crying, that pulled him out of the warm ness and into awareness. Maybe she woke up from a nap roughly, or could be hungry.

Shuichi poked his head out of the guest room. “Maki?” He called out gently. Sachiko was still crying.

He found the baby lying lonely on the couch, her little arms waving around begging for someone to pick her up. As if on cue, her berry colored eyes land on Shuichi and she cries louder as if to emphasize the want. He gently scooped her up and patted her back. She quieted down immediately. He sighed. “… you just wanted to be upright.” Smiling slightly, he looked around. “Where's your mommy?”

The front door was left open, strange, knowing Maki, she would never do that unless she was letting air in. Even that rarely happens. Judging by the way the door was swinging, it was thrust open just moments ago. This fact worried him. Looking around again, she must had been alerted by something. Since the diaper bag seemed to of been tripped over in order to get to the door.

That’s when the woman in question suddenly appeared in the doorway, slightly out of breath.

“Oh, Shuichi, sorry did she wake you…?” she leaned against the door frame.  Ragged looking. Standing in front of him, Almost as if she was blocking something from him. “What’s… Going on?” He asked, seeing the clear apprehension in her eyes.

She looked at him, hard eyes debating something in those deep rich, red hues. “I’m sorry…” she suddenly said, her stare darting to the floor. “From what everyone’s telling me…” she swallowed hard. Nervous didn’t look good on Maki Harukawa. Guilt, pain and heartache was apparent. It was so foreign on her face, he hardly recognized her.

Confusion crossed his mind until he saw two familiar people standing just past her.

“M-Miu?!” He gasped and he almost dropped Sachi out of shock. “And Kiibo…?” Maki nodded and slipped her baby from his arms. His heart pounded in his ears. Hammering against his ribs as Kiibo hugged him. He couldn’t help but hug back. “Y-You guys made it back alright…” he muttered dumbly.

Kiibo pulled back smiling. “...That’s right! We all missed you guys, but not to worry anymore! We are here and unharmed.” Miu beside Kiibo gave him a nod in greeting. “Yeah. Thanks to my genius inventions we escaped with our asses in tact!”

His fingers still felt numb. He was overjoyed that he was seeing them again. So much so he didn’t know what to say. His throat felt dry and his tongue sat useless in his mouth. His face paled with shock and realization. Kiibo looked past him sheepishly. “We also came to see Sachi… everyone is so excited to see her!”

Shuichi blinked, “Everyone?” His voice broke over the word. Miu nodded. “Since a mister someone was in charge of send homes, everyone who survived the past year is here in the flesh!” She cackled.

She seemed so happy as she grabbed Kiibo’s hand. Her eyes were full of life and joy, even her cheeks were a bright pink as she put a finger to her lips. Staring at Kiibo as she twirled a strand of his hair around her finger. “...Finally I get some alone time with you.” Topped with a wink.

Of course Kiibo is pushed into a confused jumble of words. Yet Shuichi can’t bring himself to fond over the moment.

Instead he pushed past them. Out onto the sidewalk that connected all of their houses.

At Tenko’s and Himiko’s house was a small group of Angie and Kirumi crying in joy. Gonta was bear hugging Rantaro as Korekiyo stood idly by. He counted so slowly... when in his mind and heart, he knew that he was a few short. Not including himself, ten. Ten people.

Again, and again. Maki, Miu, Kiibo, Tenko, Himiko, Angie, Kirumi… Rantaro, Gonta, and... Korekiyo.

Suddenly his world felt very small, and he himself was none other than a speck in its existence.

Not everyone came home.

A gaping hole in his heart he’s been keeping up with small pillars of hope had just shattered. Collapsing in his chest, cracking against his ribs and rolling up to attack his mind. A hand was suddenly grasping his shoulder. As if they understood why he felt so unsteady. “I’m sorry…” they whispered. It was Kiibo.

“Tsumugi was killed in one of our last battles…” he said gently, though saying it hurt. Of course he was upset by her absence, since it meant she died just like Kaede. Just like Kaito and Ryoma. The life he built himself up on was crumbling under his buckling knees.

He took a shaking hand to shield his eyes. He should be happy everyone came back alive. Breathing. Here. Just like Miu said, in the flesh. But he couldn’t help the tears that slid down his cheeks. From Maki’s strong heartbreaking hesitation, everyone’s pitiful looks, Kiibo’s strong grip on him in attempted comfort,

Kokichi didn’t make it either.

Kiibo didn’t judge him when he started crying. No one really did. He was led back into the house, where Maki let him use the guest room. Shuichi didn’t let Kiibo leave him, he didn’t want to be alone to grieve for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

Yet this time was different. Because his death was not only in his presence, it was him that lay in some grave next to millions of other fallen angels. His warm hands, his bright eyes, his laugh, he would never see, hear, or touch them again.

“...We went into a mission that we knew had bombing.” Kiibo said as Shuichi buried his face in the beds blankets, trying to shake himself to a stop because this was just too pathetic. “He was our lead, since all the bombs were heavy with smoke. We couldn’t see anything, Shuichi…”

He was on the brink of yelling at Kiibo to stop, but also grounding himself to listen how Kokichi died, but overall it was too much. He felt like screaming until Kokichi showed up on his doorstep with arms wide open. Even Kiibo could see that, so he fell silent.

“...I’m so s-sorry.” Shuichi uttered. Desperately wiping at the selfish tears that stemmed down his raw cheeks. “...I-I’m so glad you guys are home but…” no matter how he managed to word that sentence it made him sound so cruel towards everyone else. He didn’t mean to break down like this.

“No one blames you.” Kiibo cut him off anyway. “We all know you don’t hate us, and frankly, the only annoying thing is that you think we think that.” He pushed the box of tissues forward, yet Shuichi didn’t take any. “If… it were Miu,” he sighed, staring up at the ceiling fan that saved them from such a warm afternoon. “I...would be where you are.”

Shuichi looked up to see if it was truth he was speaking. Harsh blue eyes connected with dim golden and he could see he was holding it back too. “You aren’t the only one who cared about Kokichi.” He said. His voice cracked and it would all soon shatter. “He would go out with us, he would still celebrate birthdays and get drunk at parties…”

He swallowed hard and all Shuichi could do was watch. “He… He could brighten a whole room with his personality, even if we all hated it. He did something, and made a difference.” Kiibo wiped his eyes and bit his quivering lip. “So I get it.” He finished, taking another deep breath. “...but I’ll… save that for his and everyone else’s memorial.”

Shuichi winced, the pain of any kind of funeral dug at his heart and stung so much it killed every word he ever wish to say to him. To any of them. It drowned out his ‘I love you’s. It buried his ‘I’ll still be here waiting’. The want to hold Kokichi’s face between his hands that held his became aching. When looking up to see the tears track down Kiibo’s face, who hasn’t bothered wiping them away, he gave up on it himself.

“Your pain, isn’t what upsets me the most…” Kiibo confessed after the silence pierced their ears, forcing them to listen to the pained cries of someone’s loss. It was just like watching a baby cry and refusing it help. Or slowly, agonizingly tear their limb off, one by one, with no pain killer.

Since no pain medication could fix his dying heart. He knew what Kiibo was talking about. Maki must have said something.

The tears came out more loudly this time as Kiibo tried to recollect himself.

“You...You we’re going to propose.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied, about this being the last chapter. (And the best ending)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling for you was like falling down the stairs.
> 
> I was in complete control at first, then, without warning I was spinning, tumbling, and had no idea of why or how. Then, before I even knew what happened, I lay at the bottom; shocked, stunned,
> 
> And so oddly aware that I still ended up exactly where I was trying to go.

One month, turns into two, and evolves late through the third.

It had to of been the hardest three months of his life.

The small velvet box in his hands remained unopened. His dull eyes brushed over its gentle edges. His fingers traced the sides, his nail lined the indent in the center of it, where it would open.

Kirumi had invited him over for tea. Saying that it was her only request of him. He couldn’t deny it, after her heartache from the battlefield and not doing her love of attending as a maid, it was the least he could do.

Yet, sitting here on her couch while she readies it, doesn’t distract him from what he knows she’s trying to. He can’t convince himself to leave his symbol of devotion behind. Even when everyone tells him it will only make things worse. It’s his own version of coping. Next to countless of hours after hours of spending time with Sachi.

Though he agrees it may not be the best therapy, it at least brings his far from healed heart some form of comfort.

“Your tea, Shuichi.” Kirumi came over with the beverage and set it next to him on the side table. “Thank you…” He murmured. His throat felt dry anyhow, from rough nights of… less than quiet hours, his voice was to pay for all the nightmares. Scratched up and beat from horrors he expected to fade by now.

He could see it on Kirumi, and she came home only 3 months ago, yet she handled everything so much better than he did. Though he knows this woman holds a lot under the surface. Her idea of a maid was to serve others when in need of serving. No matter how much they themselves may be in need of it. That, he could respect.

He tucked the little box into his pocket and reached for the tea. One sip and he could already feel his mind relaxing into a state he’s been trying to fight for. Slipping into peace of mind during this point in his life was difficult. Or rather referred to as an understatement.

“Kirumi?” He stopped her before she left to get the promised pastries. “Another request?” She paused with a kind look in her gentle green eyes. He sunk back into the couch pillows, feeling so much weighing on his question. “Kind of… it’s nothing major, just…” he sighed. Nervously drumming his fingers alongside his mug of favorite tea.

“Were you in the same battle you last saw Kokichi? The one Kiibo was in?”

She did it really react. Emotions flashed through her eyes, but otherwise, her face remained stone blank. All but blinking at the innocent question. Shuichi half prayed she wasn’t. Then he wouldn’t be so incredibly tempted to find out.

She turned away, but not in a demeaning way. “I was, would you like me to tell you what happened? Is that your request?”

“Um,” he watched her walk into the kitchen briskly to retrieve the pastries. “If that’s too much to ask, you don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready to talk about it.” She set the pastries on the coffee table. Her movements notable more stiff and less flexible. “It is your request.” She said sadly. “So I will do my best to fulfill it.”

Shuichi shook his head, his hand opted to cover hers as it rest unsteady on the tray’s handle. “Kirumi, as my friend, not as my maid.” Her unsure eyes looked at him, seeing his resolute nature, she gave into it.

Kirumi took her hand from his and nodded her head in a silent thank you. Taking a seat in her cushioned arm chair. “You… wish to hear every part?” He nodded. “Everything you can remember… everything that would make this a little easier for me.”

He doesn’t know if knowing his death story would help. This far in the game, he’s shooting in the dark, hoping to land bullseye on something that lets him rest easy. He watched her with eyes born for observation. Something that was either enhanced by his attention, or subconsciously used.

Either or, he saw her calm kind eyes melt into a hard shell of memory. Almost as if the green dimmed with pain and sorrow. Glossed over, finding a box stored back in her mind full of tapes she secretly rewatches in her times of reflection. He does that too, so he doesn’t rebuke her for the expression heavy with pain. After all, he was requesting the hardest task for her to complete.

Suddenly life refilled her eyes and the glow returned back with the memory. Yet it was dimmed. Dimmed with distressing points in her life she’d rather not revisit. Another sigh and Kirumi is back.

She shifts in her chair, prolonging this as she goes along, and finally opens her mouth to speak.

“It was a Wednesday night.” She started, deciding to begin with the date. “On the 13th or 12th of March. We all were finishing up for the day. The enemy seemed to of backed down for the night and we all were finally letting our guard release.” Her stare hollows as their eye contact drops.

“Yet…” another pause. “The one leading one of our rather large groups was Kokichi himself. He looked troublesome throughout the entire hour of peace, with us in that trench that covered us.” Out of a nervous habit, she reached for a pastry. “We all knew that mission specifically would include multiple bombs, even so...”

Her stare darkened.

“We were all not prepared for what hit us next.”

That made him flinch. She continued, “like rain, the bombs came down over our heads. The enemy had been so clever in sneaking up around us, we were completely unaware. Running in a loose uncertain circle was an understatement compared to how we picked up ourselves and fought. Amateurs. Taken by surprise and stood out as complete fools.”

This must have been a night Kirumi hit down hard on herself. Shuichi winced as he imagined what he would of done. He had never been in a bombing ambush before. Making him realize her description was much like Kokichi’s.

Like rain. It came down like rain.

The fact that Kokichi had re-lived something similar to the Coastline Massacre… it burrowed itself in his stomach. Turning uneasily, killing the idea of pastries at the moment.

Kirumi steadily went on. “Kokichi, I marvel at his instincts even now. As if he knew exactly what to do. Or, I assume so. He threw out a bright light we all had. One by one we pulled mental sheets over our heads in preparation for bombs. With heavy lights blinding our enemy, they had no way of knowing where a singular person was. Even if that meant sacrificing our overall location. Though, they knew where we were to begin with.”

He listened to each word. So many times his heart throbbed at the thought of running blind in a trench. It’s what his nightmares feed on. With bombs going off in his head as smoke engulfs his vision, he can imagine himself running next to Kokichi. Bright lights in hand pointing towards the sky, obscuring and burning the enemies eyes by tenfold and darting to safety. “How did you know it was Kokichi if everyone had bright lights?” Distraction. He needed to stop thinking of him, and focus on the situation.

“His light flickered.” She corrected. “The bombs kept going, yet during that minute escape, they all were not hitting us anymore. In unison we shut off our light after our group leader.”

Shuichi found his hand shaking again. Anxiety taking the reins, he didn’t care. Pushing forward with this, he had to know. He just had to. “I thought he was the General of the army? I didn't imagine him in the heat of war…”

She nodded. Agreeing wholeheartedly. “We all came to the same conclusion, yet his situation is not what we once thought. Being General of the army takes a life worth of dedication. The current General didn’t step down, if anything, he took him as an apprentice, at the time of his age, nineteen almost twenty year old was young compared to those of his surroundings. The only reason he carries the title is because of his talent.”

The puzzles clicked together and he prodded her to continue. To make it through the rest of the story so he could grieve knowing how he passed. If he died as strong spirited as he so believe, maybe he’ll find peace.

“...it took hours to trek through the end of the trench without finally hoisting ourselves up out of the bodied filled path.” He shivered. He’s seen rotting flesh first hand and to say he was disgusted was being generous. “Kokichi was ordered to travel to a site where he would meet another commander in need of military tactics that he could manage on the spot. Our job was to protect him.”

Regret flashed across her face with a strong sense of guilt. “Yet all he did was serve us, instead of us serving him.” She sat up in her seat, respect burning in her eyes as she said her next words.

“Shuichi, I mean it when I say he was the best Leader I ever had the chance to encounter and know. By standing near him, I could sense his good heart.”

Shuichi had never seen her tear up. Not once had she broken her posture, lost her cool, or cry like her family die before her eyes. But watching her lean back so slowly in her chair, her manicured polished nails digging into the plush fabric of the chair as her head lowered to stare into her lap. “I-...” her voice finally cracked. “...I never would have imagined... it was the same boy who claimed I was his mother all those years back…”

Her eyes glossed over in a hazy stare as tears pressed themselves against her strong brilliant green hues. “If I just… let him play with me a little longer, let him look at me when his face wasn’t coated in blood and soot…”

“I know, Kirumi, I know…”

She glared at him as she gave into the tears. “He wouldn’t of felt so obligated to serve me. I am a maid and a maid’s sworn duty is to- to…” she gently grabbed a tissue from a box she placed originally for Shuichi and softly dabbed at her eyes. She cried so much more than one tissue to hold her tears.

Shuichi was up by now, rubbing her back as she tried to continue, but silent tears pressed through her years of maid training. “...We were two feet away from him. I could have grabbed him, my hands were empty…My hands were empty…” she stared at her hands, shaking as she tried to sit up straight. “I could have...I would of…”

“It’s okay… Kirumi.” He tried. She murmured her thank yous and held her head high. “When coming out of the trench,” she went on, even when her voice came out shaking and weak. And tears still cascaded down her now red and wiped at cheeks. “He stopped us. He said there was a high chance of enemy awaiting us in the darkness.”

Her lip trembled as she imagined the next memory unfold. “He whispered the plan to most of us, and yet… he took one step out of my reach, my hands could have grabbed his to pull him out of the way…”

Shuichi was sitting at the coffee table now. Offering her pastries that she nibbles on as a comfort as she struggled on every sentence.

“...and he was gone.”

Gone. A harsh word when it finally hits you where it hurts. “Gone…?” He echoed. She nodded, “...One step outside the trench and a bomb hit the ground. Guns went off and all we heard as he all threw ourselves to the ground was chaos.” She blew her nose in a tissue and threw it in a nearby overflowing trash can.

“We all saw his body get lashed out of sight, by the time we lifted our heads, the ground was so warm. We crawled through the danger zone, the sticky liquid soaked the grass floor. I knew what it was. Though… I never wanted to…”

Blood. Shuichi swallowed a gag. Blood must have soaked the ground. Meaning it was a direct hit to someone’s body. It’s putrid, disgusting, and sickening, but that was the reality of it.

Now, at least, he understands why everyone believes Kokichi died.

“You...You never saw him again…?” He saw her give a shaky nod. Kirumi had finished her story. Her request fulfilled. “He never got to say any last words…” she wiped her eyes again. “But I’m sure… he would have said he loved you very much.”

He mustered up a smile that he had a hard time conjuring. He looked at Kirumi with a genuine look of deep gratitude. “Thank you, Kirumi. Thank you so much. You… did what you could and I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

She nodded and picked up the messed up pastries and gave a curt bow. “I’m so sorry.” She said in the most sincere tone. “I wish I had done more, though if your desire is fulfilled, than so is mine.”

The rest of the tiresome afternoon was spent with her. Shuichi had spent so much time tunnel visioned by his ache for Kokichi he completely disregarded his friends care for him. Even if he never came back, knowing he isn’t alone grieving for his loss, was mildly comforting. Even if mildly, it was so much more than he had before.

Saying goodbye as the sun set on this chilling day was somewhat depressing. He turned to look back at his hollow and empty house. Empty meaning colorless. It was only across the street from Kirumi who shared living space with Angie that has been with Tenko and Himiko since she got home.

He made the short trip across the street and took his time pulling out his keys. Entering this house felt like intruding on a stranger's property. It hasn’t felt like a home in the past year. Almost a year and a half. The door creaked open as if to say ‘it’s been awhile.’

He’s slept over Maki’s house like he lived with her. Might as well at this point. He sighed as he slid off his shoes and set them neatly on the mat near the door.

He cleaned out the fridge of expired soda just last week. Only now getting around to peeking into his closet where all the checkered and vibrant taste in clothing was stored untouched. He couldn’t get rid of him. Doing so was as hard as swallowing a full ice cube. It hurt, it stuck to his throat with an uncomfortable lump. Only over time it would melt and it would be easier to swallow.

Right now, he’s still choking.

He tossed his phone on the kitchen counter and took off an extra shirt he wore just because it was still chilly outside. For the times he’s been here, he’d been excessively cleaning the place. If he wasn’t, then his mind would wander to the graveyard of memories that plagued his unconsciousness.

His eyes landed on the device he put on the coffee table a couple days ago, since he finally found it.

 

 

_Small hands grasp the back of his neck suddenly and he let out a yelp in surprise. His hands were cold and shot shivers down his spine. “K-Kokichi, don’t do that.” He turned around to see him twirling headphone wires around his finger, hopping from one foot to the other as he skipped around the couch to face him._

_He was humming some song as he grabbed Shuichi’s hands and hoisted him to his feet. “Dance with me!” He ordered, a smile playing on his lips as he swung their hands back and forth._

_Shuichi huffed out a sigh. “How can I dance when I can’t hear the music.” Kokichi rolled his eyes and yanked out the ear buds, pulling the plug on his phone and tossing it on the couch. It took one moment, then suddenly the small device exploded with sound._

_“Mama! told me not to waste my life!” He sang out when the lyrics shot into the air. He grabbed his hands and spun him around. “She said spread your wings my little butterfly!”_

_It was just like him to play Little Mix at 8 in the morning. “Don’t let what they say! keep you up at night!” He kissed his hand and continued. His voice was off key, but when he actually tries he doesn’t sound half bad. “And if the give you Shhhh…” Shuichi chuckled, continuing the next line lamely. “Then they can walk on by…”_

 

 

Shuichi smiled at the sweet memory. Though, it hurt his mind when he watched the rest play out in his head. He can picture their glowing transparent silhouettes dancing around the living room. Holding hands and laughing as they miss the words but sing anyway. It was when the next song hit, that made him want to leave the memory in its place. In the back of his mind so he didn’t have to see it again.

 

 

_The song faded out and Kokichi tugged on Shuichi’s hoodie strings. “One more, then breakfast.” He looked up at him, quickly kissing his chin and slowly let his hands fall to Shuichi’s. He could tell Kokichi knew a more somber song was playing out by the way his face softened._

_Shuichi didn’t listen to the music Kokichi did, but he did catch the lyrics. Just a couple of weeks before they had to leave to fight, and even now, he didn’t want to let him go. So he understood why Kokichi leaned into him. With such a quiet yet sad sigh._

_“If I die young…” the lyrics came out slowly, and so did Kokichi’s voice. Gentle, and soft was how he continued. “...bury me in satin, lay me down on-ah, bed of roses…” a small in take of air and he continues. The music isn’t fast enough to dance to, so he finds himself swaying with him locked behind his firm hold._

_“Sink me in the river… at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song…” he hums the piano in between the words. His soothing voice rolled over his ears and calmed him, yet he felt so joyless. Hearing him like this, he felt like Kokichi was telling him something. If it even was a message, it was a sad one._

_He sang over the next verse and hit one that made Shuichi’s heart melt. Whether it burned a whole in his chest or was simply coaxed into stabbing itself, he didn’t know. But the words struck an idea, like a silent plea or suggestion Kokichi wouldn’t normally want to convey with words._

_“And I’ll be wearing white… when I come into your kingdom. I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger...I’ve,” The boy in his arms leans up so subtly and presses a kiss to his cheek. His grip on him falls tight on his hands. “...never known the lovin’ of a man… but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand.”_

_There’s another dramatic gasp, a cheeky smile, giving Shuichi a look that hints at him. “There’s ah, boy here in town says he’ll love me forever…” but cheerful eyes fade into sadness when the next words fall from his mouth._

_“Who ever thought forever could be severed by...the sharp knife, of short life…”_

_Shuichi had to pull away when he sang that line. “Kokichi that’s…” he meant to say it was too much for what they were going into. But the other looked at him through blank eyes, suddenly smiling. “Awe, did I scare my Shuberry? I’m sorry, we can listen to Bad Boy next!”_

 

 

His phone ended up slipping off the couch. For weeks it went missing, not that Kokichi used it that much. He found it when cleaning under the couch. It was pushed far back out of arm's length.

Shuichi sighed sadly. Now in this silent living room, pop music wasn’t blasting at some ungodly hour in the morning. Nor was the kitchen covered with pots and pans strewn all over the place. Their bedroom wasn’t coated in so many outfits. Kokichi’s mess of makeup wasn’t smeared on the mirror saying “love you too!”

He hasn’t seen his cheerful side too much deeper and deeper into war they got. Almost as if his light was dwindling. He liked to think that wasn’t it. He really loved his chaos.

He glanced out the window, the sky was already darkening. He should go to bed soon or he’ll drive himself through the night pondering what could have been.

He pulled out that small little box. Taking the time to open it and stare at the two rings he spent the last year saving up for. Engraved on the inside of the rings were the three little words he longed to whisper in his ear one more time. Just in case he forgot for the time they were apart.

He took the one he would have slipped onto Kokichi’s finger and rolled it between his hands. It was a beautiful silver. It shined in the dimming daylight. He would give anything in the world to see his face when he presented them. Though of course, it was a little late now. At his memorial, he’d give it to him then. Since they just got done with Tsumugi’s three weeks ago.

Everyone thought it was best if they did one person at a time. Since each individual had their own life story and dreams they never really accomplished. So they were all treated separately. First Ryoma, then Kaito, followed by Kaede...Tsumugi, and… Kokichi.

He winced at the thought. He’d chuck his own ring in the ocean or something. Since he couldn’t wear it knowing the other person who he was so strongly connected to was laying 6 feet under.

He’s on his feet before he can really think through what he’s doing. He can’t sleep. He can hardly breathe most days now. All thanks to him. It’s anger that’s boiling to the surface this time. It makes his fist clench and teeth grind together as he frustratedly shoves on his shoes. He slammed the front door to his house and doesn’t care if anyone is by the windows, watching him.

He starts running to the only place he remembers Kokichi yelling at him. Anger, he was angry like he is now. His legs burned against his sore muscles. He hasn’t kept in shape, lounging around with the baby made him so lazy.

He stumbled to a stop right in front of the park. He could almost see himself holding that note in his hands all those years ago. Kokichi laughing at him, his giggles erupting into an angry cry of pain. A heartless threat to see if Shuichi cared if he died.

“ _Don’t ‘Kichi’ me.”_

His words now ignited some sort of reaction.

_“Even now you’ll go running to Kaede for emotional support. Can’t take it on your own huh? Weak.”_

The words taunted him. _His_ words taunted him. He walked into the darkening park. Finding that bench they stood close to. “K-Kaede’s dead… Kokichi… even her I can’t run to…” he collapsed onto the bench with his heart wrecked and torn into pieces. It hurt. It hurt so much that it feels like someone cracked open his ribs and torn apart his will to do anything anymore.

His head fell to his hands. The tears broiled on the surface of his eyelids. Singeing the thin and weak skin. Bloodshot and greasy hair, he was the definition of emotional turmoil.

_“I bet you’ll cry rivers over me. Guess that’s another heart to the jar! You were fun while you lasted, oh, which wasn’t very long.”_

He shook his head as his words bounced off the walls of his sleep deprived mind. “N-No...it wasn't very long. I can’t… I can’t just cry and get over you. You’re lying… you’re just... lying.” Again, he breaks. Staring at his wrists that have taken more damage over the past couple months. He promised he wouldn’t. He swore to Maki he wouldn’t. Kokichi’s efforts were useless.

He was just weak.

_“...I thought maybe you could get over me and not have to watch me die whilst you still...loved me.”_

He choked on another sob that he forced to be quiet. “That’s… That’s not how it works…” he swallowed roughly and tried to piece it back together. He was still so angry at him. For tricking his heart so many times into thinking he was dead. He now understands why people say “If you die, I’ll kill you.” Though it’s a funny joke, it’s how he feels.

He would strangle him right now. Seething in this untamed anger he wants to die in. Kokichi was an absolute jerk.

He didn’t keep track of the hours that ticked by. Sobs filled the air. It was angry tears that spilled down his cheeks instead of ones full of wanting and longingly. His arms came around himself. Hugging away the cold that bit at his skin. He forgot to wear that extra shirt, but he doesn’t have the heart to care right now.

Underneath his eyes stung, his face felt grimy and unwashed. His stomach has been empty for hours, besides the small pastries that Kirumi offered. He was a mess, but since he slipped into this depression he stopped caring. He leaned forward, finding it better to let the tears roll off and fall onto the hard ground. Sputtering and gasping for air so pathetically made his cheeks burn.

Imagining what anyone would think. They would shut him in a room with a therapist. He can’t bare breaking down in front of a stranger who he knows is trying to help. So he shakes himself to a stop. Squeezing his arms to drag his poor soul back to reality. He wipes the snot from his face and cover his eyes from the invisible viewers.

It’s when he hears a clinking sound, that he lifts his head from his hands. Out in the darkness of the park, he can’t see anything. The dragging sound of plastic scraping the sidewalk echoes around him. It’s skin crawling in this time of night. Confused, he looks around, eyes squinting to see anyone or any thing, but no motion is caught.

Out of the darkness, a voice that rang shrill in his ears made him think he’d gone insane.

 

“...Nee-heehee… You’ve always been the biggest cry baby.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this what you call a weak angst writer? Or someone who falls easily into semi good endings? Or is it even a good ending? Is it Shuichi’s imagination? Or a ghost? Haha, I’m pulling out the possibilities cards. Hope you are dying for next chapter riiight?? Eh who am I kidding. XD


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep on saying "This one is the last chapter" 
> 
> But it never is. Chapter 10 was going to be the last chapter. but I just had to keep it rolling. 
> 
> Anyway, The description for their interaction I felt was a bit more realistic instead of dramatic(???) I tried anyway.

It was ethereal. Out of the darkness, the chill of the night vanished. The lights in the park just flickering on. His heart beating in his ears went silent, for a moment he was convinced it stopped beating as a whole. The world paused in that second, when his eyes caught sight of something impossible.

It caused the lump in his throat to choke out all the words. Pins and needles singeing his fingertips and burning their way into his hand. Dry mouthed, and frozen was how he sat there. Stiff and unmoving on the bench in the middle of a park. His jaw was locked in place, he couldn’t speak even if he wanted to.

His tear stained face was numbing his cheeks. It was all he could feel. It was the only thing he recognized as real. Since it surely wasn’t the boy standing just feet from his own hands that wanted nothing more than to move.

Gazing dumbfounded at them, jaw agape and eyes wide with too many emotions to be listed as one. Shock would be its closest resemblance. Much like Shock from a physically crippling accident. Cold skin, burning hands, muscles hard from confusion in the mind and body. Where the air around you gets trapped within your throat and can’t grasp at it back.

Even the blood rushes from his head and dizziness tilts the world around his eyes. Though he can feel the pressure building up in his mind, surely pale, he’s grounded enough to hear his voice ring out again. Being thrown into the heavy air he’s trying to breathe, all to settle onto his ears. Straining themselves to check if what he had first heard was right.

 

“I…” He chuckled. “...tried to go for stealthy, but these things don’t really allow that...aha.”

 

Shuichi pried his eyes from the distant land his mind tried to run to. Forcing himself to stare ahead. Where amber met purple. Still holding his breath, trapped behind an unwillingness to accept the person before him, he took them in as a whole. To ease himself into believing he wasn’t too far gone just yet.

His eyes glaze over his features, skipping his face. His shoulders just as slim, leading down his slender body. His right arm hanging in a black sling, underneath it was an excessive amount of bandages leading from his elbow to swallow his hand in its tainted cotton. His left, gripping tightly onto a crutch that clinked with every step. Just by repeating the scraping noise in his head had his eyes dropping to his legs.

His right leg, from foot to knee was protected by a heavy medical boot, from the sound of it, lifting it up and stepping forwards took pained effort. His left leg unharmed, but carrying most of his weight. The boy, with eyes searching for more than a look of disbelief, sighed in slight annoyance. Though, it was concealed with an expression of compassion and understanding.

Slowly, on shaking knees, Shuichi stood. His hand falling around Kokichi’s cheek and brushing his thumb over his still soft skin. Dark circles rest under his eyes and stood out in deep contrast to his pale complexion. His lip had a rough patch of healing over skin, with a purple bruise hiding halfway under his collar.

His hand dropped to rest on his shoulder, where a familiar scar sat haphazardly on his skin. It was too detailed to be a dream. Too real. He let go of the breath that had his face turning blue. It was more of an instinct than a want when he pressed a desired kiss to his lips before natural reaction took over and his arms came around the small boy. Crushing him in an embrace that probably brought more pain than joy.

Then it was the sobbing. It came on more slowly this time, but not out of anger, or heartbreaking sorrow, it was happiness bubbling to the surface. Since the lump in his throat held back every word he desperately wanted to say. Kokichi smiled, but shifted uncomfortably in his ever so unyielding grip. “I-I’m sorry…” Shuichi whispered, releasing his firm hold and wrapping a hand around his waist.

“It’s fine…” Kokichi said back in as much of a whisper. His eyes never left his as he helped Kokichi set one foot in front of the other, finally getting the relief of sitting on the bench. “...I wish I could hug back…” he whined as he leaned the crutch against the wooden bench and gripped Shuichi’s hand. “Then you wouldn’t have to look at me like I’m some sort of… lie.”

It was in Shuichi's gaze, his glossed over expression that held back from smothering him. He was afraid to touch him, afraid to speak to him, because he might just slip between his fingers, fading away into time and history just like everyone else. Shuichi couldn’t sit beside him. He wanted to be closer, yet he wanted to be so far from him.

“...why did you do that to me.” He found himself whispering. His voice shook as he asked such a hurtful yet innocent question. He took Kokichi’s hand in his, eyes burning with tears. “...Why, Kokichi, Why did you do that to me?”

His look was distant when he stared back. He didn’t answer, pity and heartache filled those hollow lavender eyes. Shuichi gripped his hand tighter. “...Why...did you make me believe you were dead, for so long…?” Without a change in expression, he let the tears run down as free as they wanted. “That _hurt_. Kokichi. You ...hurt me.”

Only a weak smile picked up the edge of Kokichi’s lips. “...And here I thought the first thing you were going to do was slap me.” He chuckled feebly. Though his lip trembled, making him bite down to stop it. “...But I didn’t mean it, Shuichi. I wanted to come home, what? Five, four months ago…? I was… Never mind.” He glanced off to the side, with a new look, or want, hiding behind his eyes. “...I thought you’d be happy when I came home.”

Shuichi dropped his hand from his. Saying that had crossed an imaginary red line. He was overjoyed to see him, with the shock of him appearing here, he hadn’t conveyed it clearly that he was over the top thrilled. Instead his hand found his face, with tears he only allows for this moment to show. “..I love you…” He whispered, again, pressing his lips to Kokichi’s.

Kokichi wasn’t surprised by the embrace. He let his shoulders get pressed against the back of the wooden bench, ignoring the twinges in pain his fragile limbs. In this moment, it was Shuichi who finally was touching his cheek, kissing his lips, and breathing against him. Not a fantasy he’d create in the dead of night.

Kokichi’s one good hand only encouraged him to come closer, tugging on his shirt and gripping his wrist in eagerness. Shuichi held his soft lips against his neck, lining his jaw and falling to that scar.

The only moment they broke apart, was when Kokichi’s slim fingers slipped themselves into Shuichi’s back pocket. Curiously pulling out the object he found. He held the little box between their faces that were a few inches apart. Shuichi watched Kokichi’s eyebrows pinch together in confusion. Then relax into a questioning glance. His fingers lined the little box’s crevasse. Popping it open without a moment's hesitation.

It was the small, unexpected gasp that left Kokichi’s lips, that had warmed Shuichi’s cheeks, burning his ear, and letting him smile for the first time in months. The rings that sat in the fuzzy fabric of the box gave off a glint from the park light near them. Kokichi opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Shuichi sunk to his knees. Kokichi staring at him in the wildest bewilderment. He took the box from his loose hold. He held it to him, taking the longest time to breath before saying anything. “Kokichi…” He said softly. “...A couple months ago I realized I hate you not being here, with me…” nerves were already building up in his chest, he was never that good with words, especially these soft and sensitive ones. “So… for when you came back, I’d...I’d…”

Kokichi wrapped his hand over Shuichi’s, that clutched the box with unneeded tightness. His purple eyes wide with surprise and encouragement.

He took another forced breath. “...I’d marry you.” He choked out.

He gazed up at Kokichi, his eyes a stone blank as the words sink in. Slowly registering into his mind. Once it hits, Shuichi can see it. His eyes fill with tears and quivering lips take up a smile that’s happy. “Damn it…” Kokichi muttered, wiping his eyes. “I-I told myself I wasn’t going to cry...” he dropped his hand. Letting it slip around Shuichi’s wrist. “Of course I’d marry you.” He said as his voice shook. His head dropped, tears trailing down his cheeks. What else could possibly of been said. Shuichi gingerly took the ring from the fabric’s indent, and gently clasped Kokichi’s left hand in his.

He slid the silver ring around his ring finger. It might not of been traditional. But at the moment it was all they could handle. “You...have such bad timing…” Kokichi sniffed as he pressed a kiss into the crown of Shuichi’s head. “...I have a messed up arm and a leg, I’m craving fast food and suddenly you confess your undying love for me in the most awful way possible…”

Shuichi sputtered into laughter as he let Kokichi ruin the moment. Kokichi’s one good hand finding the other ring and slipping it onto Shuichi’s finger. “...which is probably why I love you so much…” he ran his hand through the blue hair. “I missed you…” he whispered more softly. “I’m sorry… for not coming home, I had to tie up loose ends after the incident… I knew everyone probably thought I was dead. I’m sorry for that…”

He kissed him one more time before his eyes lit up with realization. He grabbed Shuichi's shoulder and weakly shook him. “Shuichi, Maki, how is she? The baby?”

Shuichi smiled and unhooked his hand from him, pressing soft kisses into his rough knuckles that were scratched and bruised. “She’s fine… her baby is too, everything went normal…” he stood up and pulled Kokichi onto his less than willing feet. One more time, he wrapped his arms around him. Gentler this time. Less desperate.

Imagining himself over a year ago here, where Kokichi tried to break up with him felt weird. He wanted to feel his skin, touch him, convince his fragile mindset that he was really back. He circled his fingertips over his back and took in his scent that carried hits of gunpowder. Under that was his soft smell, like freshly washed sheets and cookie dough that seemed to be natural.

Kokichi buried his face in his chest, indulging in the closeness that provided a safe sanctuary for both to thrive in. “...hh, I’m so tired…” Kokichi mumbled. “...The drive from the harbor to this neighborhood was six hours...I just got back from that stupidly long meeting with the General and I didn’t even get food…” he leaned into Shuichi’s touch a bit more. A sad little smile gracing his lips as he felt it.

“Then...Shuichi, why did you come here and make me walk all the way across the lawn...lucky I saw you when I did, or else I would have trekked to our house, find it empty and look all over creation for you…” he sighed, soaking in his embrace just a bit longer. “...and I wanted see Maki’s baby, I was so excited to come back and see, but then the incident happened and…” he gestured to his leg. “There were a few… minor setbacks.”

Shuichi looked down, his leg still encased in the medical boot. “What happened…?” From what Kirumi told him, it must have been from the bombings in the trench. Kokichi gave an exasperated sigh. “...tell you later, I wanna go home.” He gripped him tighter. “With you, Fiancé…”

He smiled and dropped his hold around him, he helped by grabbing his crutch and settling it under his arm. Kokichi gave a contorted look of heavy displeasure. “I was not happy when they gave me this thing… I twisted my ankle back in middle school and I had to use them. Hated it.” One step forward and Kokichi already stopped. “Can we go to Maki’s house? Or will she ring me by the neck and crack it in half?”

Shuichi sighed. Staying close to him as they slowly but surely made it out of the park. “We should wait until morning, You look tired and...I want more alone time with you.” Kokichi giggled softly. “I look forward to that…”

For the time from park to house, Shuichi told him all about Sachi. How she looks, and why Maki named her like that. He told him about everyone’s pain when they thought him dead. How Kirumi regretted not letting him play with her. How Kiibo missed being teased.

“And how you, did that again.” Kokichi finally commented after they reached the haven of their household.

Shuichi winced as he pushed open the door he didn’t bother locking. Kokichi gasped when they walked through the threshold. “Holy clean house, I need to fix that.” He chuckled as he ditched his crutch and collapsed onto the couch. Sighing contently as relief floods his system. He pushed himself up into a sitting position. Hanging his bad leg over the side of the couch. “...Kay, c’mere.”

Shuichi shyly sat next to him, knowing full well what he wanted. Kokichi stretched out a hand. “Lemme see?”

Shuichi gave him his hand cautiously. Delicately, Kokichi ran a finger over the marks on his wrist. Each jagged line earning a soft touch, with a kindly placed kiss. “...You, aren’t mad?” Shuichi asked, getting a look of tired empathy in return.

“Course not… I did this. It’s my fault I died.” He reached over and pulled his other wrist to the spotlight of his eyes. Tracing the cuts like before. “...they're just battle scars.” He muttered after he kissed the last one. Pressing an extra kiss into his palm. “...just emotional ones.”

He gently set down Shuichi’s hand. Letting himself sink into the couch pillows. “...I’m so tired…” he whispered, one hand rubbing his eyes. Shuichi sighed in return of the mood. He reached down and started undoing the velcro straps on Kokichi’s boot. He saw him wince at the movement, making him slid off the protection more slowly.

Once off, Kokichi stretched his foot that no doubt ached. It was covered with a thin bandage. Inspired by his leg’s freedom, he pulled the sling off from around his arm and sighed. This time in content of the release to his restrictions. “I just realized I have so much to tell you…” he said as he ran a hand through his own mess of purple hair.

Shuichi got up from the couch and yawned. “Tomorrow, or…” he glanced at the clock on the wall. Reading it as 1 o’clock in the morning. “...later today.” Kokichi stretched out a hand up towards Shuichi. “Can’t walk.” He said smiling slightly.

Even exhausted, Shuichi slipped his arms under him and carried him to their room. Gently settling him down on the bed. Even if Kokichi hated him for using his sleep deprived mind against him, he knows there won’t be any other opportunity. “...What happened to your leg?” He looked down at it again. The skin that lined the bandages was red. Almost sensitive looking. As if when he’d touch the inflamed area he’d seeth in pain.

“...oh, broke it.” He muttered as he fumbled his hand over to the desk to turn the lamp off. “Or...fractured, in two places.” Shuichi hummed in response. He sat on his side of the bed. It was overly disappointing to not be able to hold him as close as desired. With his injuries in a close intimate place, it could be uncomfortable.

“...stitches too.. never hated my life more than I did in those two minutes.” Kokichi found his hand and held it. “... they set my leg without painkillers. I thought… after all, I already went through, it would be less painful.” He chuckled. “...I was so wrong. So, so wrong…” he turned his head to look at Shuichi. “...sorry you have to look after a cripple now.”

A faint smile tugged at his lips. He brushed his bangs back and kissed his forehead. “...if I had to choose over dead Kokichi, and injured, I would have chosen this.”

Kokichi smiled. Doing his best to shift closer so his head rest where Shuichi’s arm could cradle it. Silence took over the air as breathing rhythms played in their ears. Hearts beating in near unison next to each other. Nightmares just waiting beyond consciousness. Ready to reach into their minds and claw at the flesh they’ve seen scatter floors. Peeling back the wallpaper and showing how much hurt that really lay there.

So many questions rest unspoken. Just as sleep crawled up into their limbs. Heaviness weighing on their body to coax them to just let go. Give up on fighting another day. Since deep in their hearts they know they can’t anymore. Weapons dropped. Hands up. Palms facing out in a cry of surrender to the unforgiving terrors that would awake them in just moments. Just as soon as their eyes close, swirling above their heads in duanting clouds of memory.

Eyelids slide close. Body limb with longings dying as their subconscious is wisped away to a place that varies. It only took seconds to drop all guards and run straight into the flames.

It hurt, sure. But it was the aftermath that created a genuine feeling that brought tears of joy. That’s what made the pain worth it.

 

 

 

Shuichi wakes to cold lips being pressed into his cheek. He can tell it’s early, by the way the air create a fog in his eyes. “...Morning!” A chipper voice whispered into his ear. He’s not used to waking up early. He usually sleeps until noon, maybe til 2 after a late night. Kokichi must still be on Military schedule. If it’s 7 or 8 in the morning, then he already slept in.

“...Wanna help me get on my feet?” He said as he saw Shuichi’s eyes flutter open. “...wait.” He whispered as he saw him. Eyes wide with recharged energy waiting to spend it on the day. Kokichi hasn’t spent the last three months mourning the death of someone special. He doesn’t realize the raw joy that comes from just waking up and seeing him, to feel his breath in the morning, to touch the skin that grazed his finger tips. “...stay… just for a bit.”

Kokichi’s eyes soften. “...right, my Fiancé wants to love me, how rude of me to ignore that. I need to return the kisses I promised anyway, remember?” He pressed one into his nose. Waking him up a little more. Shuichi was the one to push forwards though, he met his lips with his and encouraged a push back.

Which there was. Healthy lust was exchanged with the two the more they broke apart just to breath. Lips catching each other again, counting off the months they’ve spent apart. Each kiss on the cheek, a week alone, each time their teeth accidentally clacked together was just another horrible night wishing they were with one another. Every single one crafted with a passion dripping in promises they never kept.

Kokichi was the one to push on Shuichi’s shoulders when he couldn’t breathe anymore. “...Love you, too… but, can we continue after I eat? … eating your face doesn’t sound like a nice alternative…” he giggled.

Shuichi kissed his forehead again. Holding on to the feeling of his skin just a little bit longer. “Of course…” He whispered, he got up and slid off the bed to return to Kokichi’s side. “Can you walk without the boot?” He asked helping him stand on his feet as Kokichi winced at the pressure on his right foot. “Yeah, it just hurts a little bit…” he smiled, probably through the pain. “Can you make something? Preferably unhealthy, then I’ll feel like a human again!” He laughed.

They agreed on waffles with too much whipped cream. Getting a faux look of hate from Kokichi when he said all his Panta was gone.

Shuichi still couldn’t grasp the reality that Kokichi was here in the flesh. He wasn’t a hallucination. Every time he sees him, there is a conscious feeling of fear. That he would just crumble right before his eyes. He’s looked it up before, over four months ago. Thanatophobia. The fear of death. Yet it wasn’t his death he feared.

He overcame that on the battlefield. It was more so forced, with the harsh reality of death so close. He had no other choice but to accept the fact that he could wake up one morning with one more day to live. It was sickening the first time he thought about it, but on a constant of death around him, watching other’s lives end so quickly, it was numbing. So his own death, was taken easily.

However, as much as he came down hard on himself about his possible death, in no way, shape, or form, was he prepared for Kokichi’s… death.

He set down the plate of waffles next to Kokichi's requested whipped cream. Kokichi was in the bathroom, he’d be out soon. Probably with a new bandage. Since he was ever so persistent on letting him do it alone. Reminding him of the time back after he nearly drowned. How he wanted to undress by himself before the bath.

He wanted to hide his scars. Pity overwhelmed him. Kokichi could care less about so many things, but his scars were his only insecurities. Blemishes on his skin that would take more than a lifetime to fade. He sees the scowl on his face when he sees the marks forever burned into his skin. How disgusted he seems when his delicate slim fingers trace the lines.

Kokichi must have obtained new scars. Even this far into their relationship, the smaller is so reluctant to let Shuichi see even his physical ‘flaws’.

“Nee-heehee… I miss seeing you stare off into space like that.” Kokichi was suddenly right next to him. One arm, patted down with bandages, came around him to meet his uninjured hand. It was a real hug that he silently cherished. “...Why’s that?” He asked quietly. Giving into the temptation of hugging back.

“...It means you feel safe enough to let your mind wonder.” Kokichi smiled as Shuichi cradled his nearly broken body in his arms. “...all I ever wanted was for you to be safe, so it makes me happy.”

One perk of Kokichi going through war. As much as he hated it. As much as it hurt. Kokichi must have learned that they only have so much time together. Therefore making his words more truthful. “But y’know! Those waffles look pretty safe to me, it’d be even more safe in my mouth.” Kokichi laughed as he begrudgingly pulled away.

Happily sitting down at the table and digging into the waffles as if he’d never had food before. “...Carbs… My old friend, it’s been so long.” Kokichi said with a dreamy look in his dark lavender eyes. Shuichi smiled as he watched him gorge himself on the savory meal. “Really? I thought a majority of our meals consisted of bread.” Shuichi said as he sat down next to him.

“Yeah well.” Kokichi took the whipped cream and layered it on, then stabbed the piece of waffle and waved it in front of his nose, taking in the sugary smell. “For the last several months I’ve been fed green mush. Tasted sour, absolutely awful. They raped my tastebuds.” He finally stuck the bit in his mouth. Chewing more slowly.

Shuichi noticed he was eating with his left hand. Since his other arm was rendered useless. “Could you tell me what happened?” He asked, quietly, maybe too hesitant, because Kokichi stopped mid chew to glance at him. Followed by a hard swallow. “You mean how I fractured all my right limbs?” He questioned. Twirling the fork haphazardly into the mostly devoured waffle.

“Yes… Kirumi filled me in on the mission. Last time she ever saw you was when you tried to leave the trench, how… she phrased it as ‘Your body getting lashed from sight’.” He looked to Kokichi who hadn’t taken another bite of his food.

“Mmm, right.” He muttered as he reached for his cup of water. Sipping it slightly, his face had taken a new shade of white. Paling at the memory Shuichi could never understand. “...um, well, guess you deserve it. Since I’ve been dead and all.”

He pushed his plate aside. Suddenly not as hungry. “I seem to attract bombs, because the millisecond I hardly peeked out from that trench, one hit right next to me.” Kokichi sat back in his chair, a hand gripping the edge of the table as if this pained him. “I didn’t die from it, clearly, but everyone must have thought that… all it did was throw me a thousand miles in one direction.” He chuckled. “A thousand miles meaning a couple dozen feet…”

He went on to explain that he was blasted into a tree. His right side taken all the fall damage. Luckily his head took the least amount, since he only blacked out for a few minutes. However, waking up, even after a couple of undeserving seconds was agony. He was bleeding heavily from his arm and his leg was numb with pain.

How he got help was with his radio he had to get in his back pocket. When his saviors found him, he had passed out. Only to wake up in a cabin, seemingly paralyzed. “I think I woke up mid surgery.” He admitted, grinding his teeth in biding hatred for the memory. “Because I remember feeling so much pain. Just imagine the pain you got in your thigh when you were shot twice, and move that up to your chest.”

Shuichi grimaced. “I wouldn’t of been able to breath.”

Kokichi nodded. “Exactly.”

Apparently he was also shot in the chest, only once, and two doctors hovering above him were trying so hard to save him. It was rare to have bullets to the chest that weren’t fatal, and he was the lucky survivor who got to suffer through the pain of it being taken out. Since it couldn’t stay in, it was too close to his heart.

“I passed out, again.” Kokichi muttered. His eyes dancing so far in the distance, he could almost see it himself. “...I remember dreaming about you. It wasn’t a good dream, because you were crying.” His small lips molded into a frown. Those lavender eyes hardening to an unbreakable shell of emotional anguish that has long since diminished.

“You begged me not to die. Since you still wanted me. After that I woke up and the doctors were so relieved. Claiming I was a miracle. Ugh, they were so loud, I personally wanted them to shut up.” He sunk lower into his chair the further he explained his awful situation. Laying in a cabin, unmoving and without relief.

“I saw Chiaki!” He said. “Oh you don’t know her but I met her a while back and she was helping with the medical stuff. I think everyday after that I only looked forward to talking with her. She said she wanted to help become a nurse like Mikan- oh, I met her too. Did I tell you already? Whatever, still, they made it out alive with Nagito and Hajime. They went to a bunker down in a bomb shelter while a hard attack blasted through the area.”

Shuichi listened to every word. Kokichi went on to going into detail about how he counted forty bullet holes on the ceiling. Claiming to have made friends with the two spiders in the corners. He must have laid there motionless for days. “...finally I could sit up, and I told Chiaki to get me a little table or book to put paper on. I knew the commander in the area, and I didn’t just nearly lose my leg and life just to come there and heal.”

He held up his left hand. He noticed how his fingers seemed calloused over. “I’m a lefty now because my right hand thought it was a good idea to take 60 percent of the blow.” He laughed as he described the commanders expression when he saw him talking about war tactics from the floor, hardly able to move, heavily wounded, and still swinging with new ideas that tumbled from his mouth.

“Sleeping on a wooden floor gave me back problems…” he muttered. “Once I could stand, my work there was done. After three months.”

That time spans made him wince. “You sat on a wooden floor, for three months…?” That must have been awful. Kokichi shrugged. “I forced myself to crawl around. My knees are all scratched because of it. Everyone laughed at me the first couple weeks, then they just accepted it after a while. I swear I’m the Ultimate Crawler now.” He sighed. “But seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything more humiliating.”

He reached forward to steal Shuichi’s hand. “...worth it though… Oh! Did you like Coastline Massacre? I didn’t mention anyone else’s name besides mine. I didn’t think you wanted the attention.”

Shuichi brought his hand to his lips. Kissing at his rough knuckles that are still healing. “...Everyone is calling it that now. I think that it was amazing, I still have a copy of it in my desk.” Kokichi smiled, and this time it reached his eyes. Even a light pink touched his cheeks. “...good, I was worried.”

That’s when Shuichi’s eyes caught sight of his bandaged arm again. “...you, didn’t change it? Do you need help?” He saw the happiness in his eyes dwindle. It was not the best time to bring that up. Since his pride and dignity must have been killed in that cabin.

“...yeah. I can’t get my arm as good as I can my leg.” Shuichi smiled softly. He let go of his hand to pick up his plate of nearly finished waffle. “Come over on the couch, I’ll get the bandages.” He set the dish next to the sink. He glanced back at Kokichi who was eyeing the distance between the couch and his chair.

Another pang of pity and he snaked an arm around his waist and helped him over to the couch. “Thanks…” Kokichi said as he settled into the couch. His look shifted into discomfort as he glanced at his arm. “Could you be quick? I honestly hate this process…” Shuichi nodded, and returned back with the bandages.

He knelt down next to Kokichi who extended his arm to the best of his abilities. His fingers found the end of the old and soiled cotton, and began, slowly but surely, unwrapping his arm. The tender flesh underneath was sensitive, even under all this protection. Since he flinched the closer he got.

Down to delicate skin, he gradually peeled the bandage off, looking at Kokichi who was biting his lip through it. His arm was a raw red, streaked with shiny vulnerable marks where stitches used to be. “...ugh, it’s gross I know.” Kokichi whined quietly. Some parts of the gash were already scabbing over, but the middle still looked like it was being burned. As if the blood pulsing underneath it was boiling.

Shuichi didn’t reel back in disgust, like he might have done many years ago. Instead, he held his hand, the slightly sensitive parts, and laid it gently beside him. “It’s best to air it out, maybe soak it to clean it better.” Kokichi sighed. Nodding to the reasonable suggestion.

Shuichi brought over a small bowl of water, setting it on the side table. Kokichi slightly gasped, as an idea entered his mind. “Shuichi, when can I see Sachi? I can’t wait anymore!”

He smiled slightly at the thought of the baby. She had gotten so big in the last three months. But still small and helpless as ever. “I would bring her over, but that would mean Maki, and if she comes over, so does everyone else. Meaning you’re the center of the universe.”

Kokichi giggled. “I bet you want to be the universe’s center. Want me revolving around you? Hm?” He leaned over ever so lightly. Stealing such a small kiss. “...You’ll always be the center of my universe.”

He selfishly wished Kokichi could prolong his chaste kiss. Since he cut it short earlier. “So you don’t mind them coming over?” Kokichi nodded. “Just finish this, then invite the stampede over. I can’t wait for them to shower me with much deserved love.”

For that reason, he was excited too. Everyone was going to be either mad, or happy. Since he himself nearly strangled Kokichi for doing that to him. He did his best to clean his arm, dipping his hand in water, which Kokichi hissed at. Whacking the bowl of water out of his hand. “...Oops.” He said, without a trace of guilt in his voice.

After retrieving more water, and successfully holding Kokichi down while he cleaned his healing over wounds. He started to rewrap. Carefully adding a new layer. This time exposing his fingers. Allowing joint movement in his hand. He worked his way up to his elbow and finally finished. Kokichi held his hand in front of his eyes. Admiring his work, opening and closing his hand to test it out.

Once his eyes dropped from his hand, he turned to Shuichi. “...m’kay, I guess babies can wait. Come, sit. I want you for a moment.” He sat up and kicked his legs back over the side of the couch to give him room. “After all, I did rudely interrupt this morning…” he pulled Shuichi in closer.

It was only a few kisses, a few to mark off the hours of pain they missed. Though, as if on cue, Shuichi’s phone began buzzing. He traded an apology kiss with Kokichi before breaking apart to answer the phone. But Kokichi was quicker and had his hand down his back pocket to reach his phone first.

“Ooo, Maki’s calling. What would she say if I answered?”

“Kokichi, please don’t, she—”

He only laughed and clicked answer. Quickly turning on speaker. Sure enough, her voice filled the air. 

"Shuichi? Hey, I saw you out last night, I forgot to call then. Everything okay?”

Shuichi grimaced when Kokichi stole the phone out of his reach. “Oh yeah! He’s fine! He’s been with me all night.”

There it was. The ear bleeding silence that wracked his mind. Shuichi chewed the insides of his cheeks, waiting for a reply. Kokichi was giggling the whole time. “Something wrong Maki?” He taunted. “Cat got your tongue?” Shuichi sunk into the couch. Embarrassment for his actions burning his ears, but also nervous laughter bubbling up.

“...K…” Hesitation followed that single sound. “...Kokichi?”

Kokichi laughed, getting such a rise out of her disbelief. “The one and only! Hey, I wanted to talk to you. It’s been forever. Say we catch up on old ti—”

She hung up. Kokichi stared at the phone, faking his offense. “Rude.” He handed Shuichi his phone. “I wonder if she thinks she had the wrong number.” He chuckled. Before he could continue, a rough knock on the door sounded.

Shuichi ran a hand through his hair. “What have you done…” he muttered. Getting up to go to the door. It was a matter of seconds before Shuichi opened the door, and there stood Maki. Looking stricken with shock. “Where is he. And how.”

Shuichi could hardly open his mouth to speak before she pushed past him. She found him, murderous eyes locking with innocently blinking purple. Shuichi watched from the other side of the living room. A silent trade of glares that were more so deciphering if he was real or not. “...I was shocked too.” Shuichi said when nothing else was.

Kokichi laughed nervously as Maki advanced on him. Moving closer to inspect him. As if a cat was double checking if her prey was dead. “Ah, hey…” Kokichi said as he shrunk into the couch. Trying to not be intimidated by her glowing red eyes. He swallowed audibly when his eyes caught sight of her fist twitch.

That’s when her hand came across his face. The loud skin on skin smack seemed to echo before Shuichi witnessed Maki drag Kokichi into a hard hug. “I hate you so much.” She deadpanned. “I don’t want to know how, or why. But thanks. Shuichi needed you.”

She released him, letting him fall back down. Kokichi chuckled, rubbing his very red cheek. “...Yeah well, I guess I deserved that.” Maki looked at Shuichi. “And you kept him all to yourself? Not even bothering to tell Kirumi or Kiibo? Not even everyone else for that matter?”

He sighed. “He only showed up at midnight. I didn’t have time to.” Maki brushed past him. “I’m telling everyone now. They need some sort of upbringing.” She shot Kokichi a glare. “Besides, he’ll want to see Sachi.” And as briefly as she came, she left. Slamming the door in the process.

“Well, ouch.” Kokichi whined. “Like owwie, ow, ow. As much as it was well deserved, it was unnecessary.” He massaged his cheek. Shuichi shook his head. He took his spot by his side and took his hand away from his face. Where a bright red hand mark rest burning on his skin. “...that’s called getting bitten after poking a bear with a stick.”

He pouted, still wincing in slight pain. “And here I was thinking you were going to offer sympathy…”

Before they could continue, the door was thrown open. Gonta, peeking his head in, followed by Rantaro, Angie, Kiibo, and Miu. “Gonta so sorry! But Gonta so happy to see Kokichi alive and well!” Tears were already streaming down his cheeks, his feet shook their house as he came to scope Kokichi up in his huge muscular arms.

“Ah-aha!?” Kokichi feebly laughed under the crushing hug. “Kokichi-!?” Kokichi tried to say, “Kokichi is very fragile! Gonta!” He said, squirming under the loving embrace. Gonta immediately lessened his strength. Kokichi gasping when he did so. Rantaro laughed when Gonta set him back on his feet. Since he stumbled, “Woah… didn’t miss that…” He croaked, rubbing his chest as Rantaro caught him before he could catch a break.

“He’s really is back! Atua sent such a curse wrapped in a blessing!” Angie chirped with her hands clapped together above her head. Rantaro hugged him, far more gently than Gonta did. He sighed, relieved that someone was kind. Tenko and Himiko arrived just as Korekiyo did with Kirumi.

He was pawned off to Miu, than Kiibo, then Angie. While Shuichi sat back and watched every month he sat lonely pay off. Kokichi was clawing his way out of Kirumi’s crying embrace while Gonta was waiting for a second turn. It was loud and chaotic. That is, until Maki stepped into the home. At the same time Kokichi collapsed onto the floor. The room dimmed it’s volume, all for a single being’s sake.

“Uuh, love...is so exhausting.” Kokichi sighed. Pushing himself to sit up and stare at what everyone was excitedly whispering about.

“Kokichi,” Maki said as he knelt down next to him. “It was mostly because of you that…” she sighed. “...that she’s here. And I wished I could thank you.” Kokichi’s wide eyes landed on the baby in her arms. Staring just as curiously at him as he was at her. “So, thank you. But if you influence her at all I will have your head.” She placed Sachi in his lap.

Kokichi’s expression dropped blankly. The little baby in his lap giggled. Reaching up to grab the hem of his shirt. All his hard work, was to preserve this little life he so many times questioned. Sachi grabbed his hair and yanked. Kokichi chuckled, weaving her tiny fist out of his hair and staring into her deep berry eyes.

He wanted to say something. Anything, anything that would stop the tears brimming his eyes. “I-...” he laughed, trying hard to stop it, but the sputters of laughter between tears was hard to halt. “...I love her…” he said, hugging the small baby close, taking in the smell of baby soap and Cheerios that clung to her.

He smiled as she rested her head against him. The coos from those around him, mimicking the ‘awwws’ that surrounded her. His ears burned at it. “...Well, she’s almost better... than the fact that me and Shuichi are now engaged.”

The room blew up with shocked exclamations. Causing Sachiko to cry from the loud room, meaning Maki took her back to calm her down as everyone snatched him and Shuichi’s hand to see the silver ring sitting on their fingers. “Guys! Is it really that surprising!?” Kokichi asked over the excited squeals from Miu and the heavily relayed message of Congratulations.

His semi rhetorical question went unanswered as everyone eventually settled into the cheerful talk of a wedding. Maki was right, everyone needed some sort of upbringing. “So when do you plan on commencing the wedding?” Kiibo asked excitedly. Both Kokichi and Shuichi gave each other looks of ‘I have no idea.’

“Ah… Kiibo, we haven’t really talked about it. I mean, he just got home.”

Himiko sat next to Kiibo. “Nyah...So does that mean we can plan it? Or help? That wouldn’t drain my MP that much. Plus I don’t have anything else better to do…” Kokichi laughed. “Yeesh. You still going on about magic? I guess some people never grow up.” Tenko whacked his head. “Shut up! Her Magic is amazing! That’s one thing I didn’t miss about you.”

Kokichi smiled, “I’m lying! Did you forget that? C’mon. That was like, the most implied thing about me.” He gave Himiko a slightly apologetic look. “But I guess your magic is cool. Oh! I know! Do a magic show at the reception!” The girl immediately brightened up. “Nyeh!? I wouldn’t be against that. You like card magic right?”

Shuichi smiled. Thinking about a wedding had hardly crossed his mind. He was so focused on Kokichi being here, that making it official was something far away. It was a bittersweet thought. Since before they went off to war, when he thought about it, he wanted Kaito to be his best man.

Kaede would have been the one to play their music. Their song that Kokichi and him have to soon pick out. He smiled anyway. Knowing they both would want him to. He has Kokichi here, and that’s who he should focus on. He could almost hear their words of encouragement. Even from a dream world away.

He would be lying if he said his smile was happy. At least he was smiling anyway.

“Kiiboy! You aren’t against being my best man are you!”

“Wh-What? Me? I’d be honored!”

It was about two hours until everyone filtered out of the house. Brandishing new smiles that carried hope in their eyes. Something Shuichi hasn’t seen in a long time. The only person who hadn’t left was Maki. Who was sitting with him at the kitchen counter, sipping coffee as both watched Kokichi roll around on the floor with Sachi.

“I call babysitter.” Kokichi said as he gently patted her soft baby head. “Knock yourself out.” Maki dully replied. He cheered in return.

Shuichi had just finished up telling Maki how his proposal went. With Kokichi interjecting here and there. “So, what happened to his arm and leg?” He was surprised she didn’t hear. Everyone at the little reunion had hammered them with that question. It being the same every time. “He fractured both during the bombing mission.”

“Yeah, and the stupid doctor set both while shoving a cloth in my mouth to bite down on!” Kokichi shouted from the other room. Maki sighed. “Right, glad he isn't limbless. I should get going. Sachi needs her nap. Since I’m sure he tired her out.” She got up and Kokichi was already standing with Sachi sucking on his shirt. “Awe, already? Come over more often, if you don’t then I’ll steal her when your sleeping.”

Maki rolled her eyes at him as she took her baby back. “Sure. Bye Shuichi.” She waved and soon left. Leaving Shuichi to chuckle at his betrothed. “Your cover in baby drool.”

Kokichi glanced down at himself. “Oh, your right… whelp. Guess I need a shower.” He wrapped his hands lightly around him. Careful not to put too much pressure on his own arm. “Mmm but standing sounds exhausting, let’s say bath.”

Of course it wasn’t exactly an invitation. Shuichi knew that. Against all the evidence that Kokichi wanted himself, kept to himself. He still turned and looked at him with slight hope. “Want company?”

It was a question Kokichi could have easily turned down. Remarking something about him being a pervert. Yet, Kokichi stared at him. Giving it thought instead of shunning the idea completely. “...It would be mean to say no.” He sighed. “...It has been a year, so it would be selfish to reject.” This must be some mental battle he’s fighting, Shuichi can see it in his eyes.

“I don’t have to.” Shuichi said, putting on a gentle smile to show he means it. “If you don’t want me with you, It’s fine.” He went to get up from the chair, but Kokichi still held a firm grip on him. “I don’t, but I really do.” He admitted. “Just, this stuff…” he pulled back, emphasizing his arm and leg. “...is gross and I don’t think you want to see that.”

Shuichi leaned over to press a kiss into his cheek. “...is that all?” He could sense it was truth but only half of it. He wouldn’t force it out of him, nor would he force a bath together. Even though he does miss him, and missing that time together would make him sad, but not that much.

“...ok, I give.” Kokichi pulled him from the chair. “But if you don’t like it then I told you so.”

This made him smile. Of course, their relationship have had too many minor setbacks and building up trust again would take time. Luckily, not as much time as it did the first couple months into meeting one another. So he let Kokichi change alone, since one day he won’t be so cautions, or even nervous to let him see his scars in broad daylight.

It was only a couple minutes. Before he was finally alone with him. “...Mm, y’know, we never got this luxury before. Well, at least I haven’t in too long.” Kokichi had his hands on the soap bottle. “How’s a bubble bath sound?” He looked up to Shuichi who was taking off his shirt.

“Hm, sure.” He smiled. Kokichi was probably not going to like what he had planned. Not at all. But it would be worth seeing his reaction. He hopes he isn't mad. He started as soon as he was sitting right next to him in the warm water. His hands finding his right wrist almost immediately. It was burning red, but it didn’t look like it hurt. Just a reaction to the temperature.

The skin around his wrist was patchy. He could see Kokichi sinking into the water at his direct attention at something so, in his words, “gross”. His new scar he got a glimpse of before was not so straightforward. Not like a line of indented skin. It was very spiderwebbed. Jagged lines shot off in different directions. He did say he smacked into a tree. The bark on impact did it’s damage.

“...Oh I see what you wanted.” Kokichi said, his mouth nearly under the water. “...Just to see?” He stared up at Shuichi. Who’s eyes were trained on his wrist, following up on his forearm. His other hand came up to gently touch one of the deepest looking hits. Right below his wrist on the back of his hand.

Kokichi being alive came at this price. His skin wrecked. His confidence withering. Even when his bandages come off. When he doesn’t need the medical boot. It will take years to heal so no one sees them. Kokichi must be painfully aware of that.

He placed a soft kiss on top of them. All over his wrist. As Kokichi did to him. He kissed the one trailing up to his shoulder, and even tracked his finger against the other scar from when his flesh was nearly torn off. “...They’re beautiful.” He said honestly. His hand falling down the front of his chest. To feel the too soft skin where his bullet wound was. The surgery he was tortured with.

Kokichi reeled back at that. Stealing himself away from him. “Hah!? Liar.” He spat. Shuichi shook his head. “No I’m not joking.” He placed his hand on top of his knee. And dropped to the scabbed over skin around his messed up leg. “...Even if you don’t like them, I think they add to your character. It’s beautiful, they tell stories. Unlike mine, some that are self induced.”

Kokichi winced. But it wasn’t in pain. His hands came to cover his face. Something told Shuichi, that it wasn’t the hot water making his face red. “...Shuichi, wait…”

He was running his fingers around them. The same flashy scars that ripped across his flesh and tore open the once smooth skin. Blemishless turned to blotchiness in seconds of a horrible event that unfortunately unfolded. “...I’m really sorry Shuichi, but I…” He shut his mouth. As if he choked on something.

Another silent disagreement shown in his hazed over purple eyes. Like a subject change. “...you don’t think it’s ugly?” Kokichi said through his hands. Shuichi smiled. Noticing that smaller line that ran up his neck. Right side. Another bomb consequence. He leaned forward and placed a kiss where that insecurity buried itself in his skin. Into his mind. He wants him to forget.

“...you’re too good for me.” Kokichi muttered. His face still a brilliant red under his hands. His look darkened. “...But, ah..I forgot to tell you.” His eyes turn shameful and he doesn’t look up at him. “...I have to go back…” he whispered. “...I got time off, to heal and whatever. But I can’t just ditch my job…”

Silence. Of course he wasn’t expecting that, and he can’t help but stare. At him. His face full of guilt. His eyes that glisten with something of tears or pain. “...sorry.” He says. “I know, I’m an awful person...I should have quit or something, I-I should of said that I didn’t want to do it anymore and left for good.”

His grip on his uninjured hand tightens. Kokichi looks up at him. “Sorry. Really. But, it’s not like I’m… fighting. I’m working behind the seams. Like… without risking my death.” Still no answer. Shuichi’s eyes turned hollow. But his gentle stare remains. “How long will you be gone.” It was meant to come off softer. But the harsh cut edge in his tone is hard to hide.

“...just weeks at a time.. maybe 12 days a month, we agreed on the times already...it's not like I’m leaving. I’ll still be here for the rest of the time.”

“You aren’t fighting.” Again, it was supposed to be a question. But to him it was strict orders. “Kokichi, right?” The smaller gave a weak smile and nodded. He inched closer to him. “...I know you’re mad.” He hummed. Giving him a smirk. “You wanted me all to yourself and now I’m taking myself away again.”

He slid his arms around his neck and got eye level with him. “...but we have many weeks before I leave. I’m still cripple. And you’re still mine.” He placed a playful kiss on his nose. “Before you can worry about all that, there’s a wedding I hope you’re attending. I don’t know if you know, but I was proposed to a day ago. You coming to see me get married?”

Shuichi took a much needed deep breath. “...I wouldn’t miss the day I see you in white for the world.” Kokichi smiled. “Yeah, I hope you’re jealous, I'm getting married to someone super handsome.”

“Really? More handsome than me?”

Kokichi giggled. “...hmm. I don’t know. You’re pretty ugly.”

Shuichi feigned a hurtful expression. “...Oh, well I hope he doesn’t mind if I have you for a bit.” He closed the gap. He’s been teasing him too much in the past minute for him not to. Everyday it feels like he’s always too far away from him. Every hour it feels like he’s never kissed him before.

And each minute is a brand new realization that he loves him. Through the scars. Through the lies. Right to his heart. “...ah, did I forget?” Kokichi said as he broke apart for a moment. “That he, my handsome beloved, kisses like a god?”

“Aha… I would say the same for you, but you should stop cheating on him.”

More giggles. “He doesn’t mind. Especially since he’s right here. So what do you think Shuichi? Mind if I cheat for a little longer?”

“...mm, why not.”

It wasn’t until he complained about feeling like a soggy prune that they got out. Kokichi swaddled himself in a warm towel. Curled up on the bathroom floor as Shuichi brushed his teeth for bed. “Are you just going to lay there?” He asked as he glanced at him. Kokichi hummed contently. “...mmm, can’t move. Legs melted.”

He would joke with him a little longer, but something in his expression still remained sad. Of course he was smiling, but his eyes looked drained. Darker than the light happiness from before. Shuichi was familiar with that feeling. Especially the couple weeks coming from war.

It just seems to linger, the feeling of holding a gun. Running for your life but at the same time pushing forwards right into the enemy’s hands. Trauma was there, and Shuichi, even after all this time, finally decided that he’s going for a therapist. Since the nightmares haven’t faded. Or the memories, they are vivid as ever.

He reached up in the cabinet to grab bandages. Since Kokichi needed them. He knelt down next to the suddenly silent boy, who noticed him and sat up so he could pull his arm out of his swaddled towel. He gently wrapped the wound. Only going around twice.

“...you know how I went on the bombing mission.” Kokichi spoke, his smile gone. The darkness in his eyes turned to the glassy sheen of distaste and a former ghost of horror. His face paler in memory. He wasn’t even looking at Shuichi as he softly wrapped his limbs, where the skin will never be as smooth again.

Shuichi nodded. Letting the other boy take his time. “Well-, well I know you know this already but… I saw it really… bad, this time.” He swallowed hard. “Cause…on the mission we blew through small towns, poor towns and villages…”

Shuichi moved to his leg, already knowing where the story was going. It was depressing to say the least. Even he never wanted to think about it.

“The-… Even the children weren’t spared.”

It stung. Shuichi knew it did. Having been serving for a long time, he has seen orphanages blown to bits. Bleeding children from ages 2 to 13 running out, most falling to the ground dead. Their friends rushing to their side sobbing, pushing them, trying to get them up. Other times the bullets would spray across a group of innocent toddlers. The adults trying to lead them to safety.

They were constantly caught in the crossfire. When their small chests became crimson and their tiny body’s dropped to the floor with the wails of their caretakers cradling the limp corpse, wishing they had a better life, a second chance. “I feel responsible.” Kokichi said numbly.

“I led the attack.” He breathed, tears welling up his eyes, his lips lost color as he pressed them together. “I brought my regiment right through the area. I had no other choice.” By then Shuichi finished wrapping his healing wounds. “I watched kids get murdered unjustly, bombs going off, small disfigured limbs being ripped from their once okay bodies.”

He helped Kokichi stand. He wanted to bring him to the solace of their bedroom. So he can break just a little more, to feel free of the guilt he built for himself. “I saw children pulling the hands of their dead mothers Shuichi.”

He knew. He knew it all. “And I-...I really don’t want it to happen again, but since I’m going back and leaving you here, I don’t have much of a choice.” The first tear tracks down as they enter their room. His voice breaks and shatters on every word. Shuichi pulled out comfy clothes for him and Kokichi.

Shuichi could say he understood perfectly well, the kind of pain Kokichi was put through. But a few factors were with Kokichi, that Shuichi didn’t have to be pained by. Kokichi was raised in an orphanage until he ran away from it with his new members of DICE. He was that kid who tried to pull them to their feet when they were wrongfully murdered. And now he’s the man who brought that pain unto many other children.

“...it hurts.” Kokichi muttered as he slipped on an oversized shirt for comfort and soft shorts. “...So, I wanted to say- well you don’t have to agree, it’s a really big suggestion. But I-I wanted to give a kid a second chance. So their troubles can be washed away with the fog of childhood…” he grabbed Shuichi hand. “Along with our marriage. Can... we bring someone else into our lives?”

To wash away the guilt. To serve as a remedy to the throbbing agony that came with the murder of children. Kokichi was drowning in it, and it seemed that if he nurtured a child, brought them back to smiles and giggles, he could rest at peace with what he had no choice but to do.

He squeezed his hand. Hoping that the silent tears stopped. “...I would be more than happy to bring that someone here.” He kissed his cheek. “...we can start looking tomorrow, but right now I want you to sleep.”

Kokichi smiled, still crying, but at least it was joy in his eyes. “...thank you.” He whispered. “...thank you.”

Shuichi finished dressing and laid down next to him. Kokichi not passing up an opportunity to tuck himself into his arms, to feel his breath against his face and feel his body's warmth. His head rested against his chest. Being hummed to sleep with the presence beat of his heart.

Kokichi was here. He can’t get over it. Injured, in pain, writhing in self conscious agony. But here. He kissed his forehead. Skin on skin felt real, it all but helped in coping. Tomorrow they look for an abandoned child. He can just hear Kokichi in his ears, begging to take every single one home. He wonders the age, and infant or maybe even five years old and or older.

Seeing the raw joy that came with a child in their life, so young too. Twenty years old, it’s a large step, but if Maki could do it, and he could handle it, then it’s the path he wants to go down.

Right now, he gets nights alone with his one and only, irreplaceable boy. Small, strong, resilient, and so perfect, he will soon be legally his.

And Shuichi is so indescribably happy to have him here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a chapter 14. sue me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A mask of every color,
> 
> Every single shade and hue,
> 
> Built for just one purpose,
> 
> Built for hiding what is true,
> 
> A mask that hides the sorrow,
> 
> A mask that hides the pain,
> 
> A mask that stops the questions,
> 
> That keep nagging at their brain,
> 
> The special thing about this mask,
> 
> That sets in it’s place,
> 
> Is that unlike all normal masks,
> 
> It never leaves my face.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went through multiple emotions. 
> 
> Multiple nights of pondering.
> 
> And multiple burned brain cells to search for a good ending. 
> 
> The outcome? This. So help me.

It’s been 7 months since he got home.

1 weeks since the wedding.

2 days they’ve been on a honeymoon.

And hardly 24 hours since the world wide broadcasting that the war was over.

It was around midnight that the fireworks of the surrounding residents woke Kokichi up. They were away somewhere warm in a getaway hotel off the coast of a beach. On the ocean side where the waves crashed into the building, giving a sense of calmness to the air.

Kokichi rubbed his eyes and sat up from the bed. Slightly dazed from being in the mist of sleep. He glanced out the glass porch windows that reached from floor to ceiling. He remembered Shuichi left the doors open because the hotel room was too cold. The only things drawn closed were the thin transparent curtains that dangled loosely from the top of the sliding glass doors.

Small bursts of color echoed in the distances. Followed by the all too familiar explosion. Kokichi pulled off the warm covers and placed his feet on the cold marble floor. He’d been off the boot for at least a month now. Two months since he could stop wearing the sling.

The scars were still as prominent as ever. Shooting up and down his arm and leg. Small crevices that will remind him of his failures until the day he dies, but that’s not what should be taking up his mind.

He walked over to the doors quietly, and gently pulled apart the soft curtains to step onto the porch that faced the ocean. A warm breeze hit his face, the salty smell in the air reminded him of the beach he swore to never go back to.

He chuckled to himself. Even every single one of his friends had remarked that a beach should be the last place he’d want to go. After all, the traumatic experience he was put through should have struck him harder than any bullet. Yet it was quite the contrary. Kokichi still loved beaches.

It was true that flashbacks freeze him dead in his tracks almost every time he walks along the sand. But Shuichi’s always there, holding his hand through it. It was his way of coping. His way of accepting what happened, happened.

There isn’t a place he can’t be without the memories haunting him. Not even in a forest, reminding him of the cabin he was held prisoner for months. Paralyzed and in heavy pain, he hates sitting still anymore. Not because he’s hyper, but because the ghost of what happened still taunted him. It still teased and laughed at him.

He gripped the railing as he listened to the waves splash against the base of the hotel. He took a deep breath and remembered Shuichi was here with him, he wasn’t alone, and he sure as hell wasn’t on that beach.

Kokichi looked up into the sky, in the distance he could see a cruise, fireworks shooting off the deck. He could hear their happy voices from here, imagining them popping open the champagne bottles and cheering over a new life, and new tomorrow.

He was happy, content, joyful. Overwhelmed with a smile that couldn’t express how overcame he was with excitement. Everything was falling into place, Just before he was married, he got home from a meeting after he set in motive an extremely risky plan to basically end it all. It went according to plan, except more than seven thousand lives were lost.

Kokichi took full blame. But his guilt load was relieved after their lives paid off. The war ended, slammed closed after others followed his plan. It put the human population at a sad level. 1 third of the world's population had dropped. But the war ended. It was after he got married. The first night of his honeymoon on the couch getting intimate when the broadcast happened.

Kokichi wished he could explain how he felt when he heard what happened. Right after he got a call from his former commander saying congratulations on his plan and his marriage.

Things were just, perfect.

He watched the fireworks, the celebration going on, and it looks like it was contagious because the houses down along the ocean side started their own parties. It was beautiful to bring such happiness to people all over the land, even in warm tropical places like these.

The night birds practically sang their own song of happiness. The breeze carried their song to his ears, relaxing his mind and lifting his smile higher. The world felt at peace and that was all he could ask for. If it came at the price of his pain, then he would go through it again, and again, all for this outcome.

There was just one more thing that he wanted and wished for. To settle his mind of the nightmares that walked the face of his skull, ready to pounce when his head hits the pillow.

Kokichi closed his eyes when he felt gentle hands slip around him from behind. Soft lips kissed his cheek, with a hum in greeting.

“...Firework watching?” His smooth voice whispered in his ear.

Kokichi giggled. “Maybe, or I’m just seeking a peak at the hotties on the beach.” He got a chuckle in return.

“...Those hotties must be a figment of your imagination, because no one is there.” He kissed his cheek again, this time holding his lips there a little longer.

Kokichi nodded. “Ah well… That’s too bad, otherwise I can’t brag to them that there is someone hotter.” He let go of the railing to lean back in his embrace. “...And cute, and sweet.” He turned his head to press a chaste kiss into his lips. “...And kind, and strong. I could go on all day. Or… all night.”

Another hum, another kiss. “...You’re tired.” He said quietly. “Come back to bed, I have a surprise for you in the morning.”

Kokichi giggled. “More surprises? And I thought the whole massive parade we went to early this morning was good enough.” He smiled. “But sure. I guess I can. Though, I won’t come willingly.”

Shuichi kissed the crown of his head. “What is it then? Bribery? Or will you be taken by force?”

Kokichi smiled. “That’s your call Mister Detective.”

He loved it when Shuichi didn’t hesitant to sweep his legs out from under him and pick him up in his arms. All the while Kokichi laughed, saying he’ll have Shuichi arrested for kidnapping. He was thrown onto the bed, not a second was wasted before Shuichi was beside him, weaving his arms around him.

“...You have the right to remain silent.” he whispered, that coy smile on his lips. Kokichi could kiss them all day, all night, and all his life. “...I want my lawyer.” Kokichi mumbled back as he shifted closer.

Shuichi slipped his hand into his hair. “...Mmm, can’t give you a call right now. You’ll have to sit through interrogation.” Kokichi giggled as Shuichi placed a gentle kiss on his nose.

“What’s the tactic? I’m afraid torture won’t work. Though you’re free to do as you please.” He breathed the words against his neck. Tempting, he hopes he takes the bait. Shuichi’s face doesn’t lose the joy in his golden eyes. “...Solitude. All alone,” He places his lips next to his ear. “...With me.”

“Oh please… Anything but that.” He rested his head against his chest. “I...Don’t think I could handle it.” He hide his smile in his shirt, listening to Shuichi heavenly gentle laugh in his ear. Arms locked around him, tucked under the blanket, stuck in the sheets. He’s banned to a lifetime of solitude.

With Shuichi.

 

 

This time he isn’t the first to wake up. It’s sunrise and Kokichi’s arms are empty. The sliding glass doors are still wide open, along with the silky thin curtains. Sunlight poured in through the room mercilessly, blinding him for a moment. But it’s not the light that catches his attention.

A gentle voice is just off in the other room. A loving tune dancing it’s way into the air and gracing who ever has the honor of being near. Kokichi smiles, it’s something he wants to wake up hearing every morning.

He got out of bed to lean into the large room that made up the cute living space and open airy kitchen. He stood there for a while listening. Watching him make breakfast with such ease.

“-...like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful, beautiful…” His voice is quiet, a sound that seemed to just broken out of a hum. Warming up into a soft and gentle note and filling the air around him with a calm serenity in the early morning.

“....Mercy reaching to save me, all that I need, You are so beautiful, beautiful…” Kokichi couldn’t help himself, silently he entered the room. Adding a hum to the song they both hand picked. He listened, and caught the words so he could slip in his part.

“-...Though it’s pouring down, I see you through the clouds, shining on my face.” He sang out gently. He’s no singer, but a soft hum of words can be pulled off easily. Shuichi must have known he was there is the first place, because he kept it going. Even turning off the stove just so he could turn around and loop his arms around him.

When he fades to an end, Kokichi finally speaks. “...Wedding song, huh?”

Shuichi smiled and kissed his temple, his cheek, his neck and took his hand to lead him to the kitchen table to sit him down. Kokichi looked away from him, the burning feeling rising in his face, and that dumb grin on his lips that refuses to slip away. Shuichi’s making him feel special again. He feels like the bad guy here.

“...Lovey Dovey Shuichi’s making me feel guilty here. Can’t I ever do anything nice to you?” He watched the other just laughed, he carried two plates of food over and set one in front of him.

“I don’t think so…” He replies. “I’ve got the nice schedule booked.” This makes Kokichi stare at him with a look of faux pain. “Stop being unrealistic.” He orders. Taking a small piece of egg and flicking it at him. “Relationships are supposed to be hard and painful. No one actually acts like you do.”

Shuichi sat next to him. “And who told you that?” He asked. Battering his stupidly innocent eyes at him. Kokichi pouted, knowing Shuichi must be mentally mocking him. “No one. Just witnessed. There is no such thing as perfect. It just doesn’t exist.” He had only one bit of his eggs and bacon and he glared at Shuichi.

“And seriously?! Who taught you to cook? Did Gordon Ramsay bless you with the ability to make plain bacon and eggs taste better than good?” He took another bite as Shuichi started laughing. It’s an angelic sound, but he’s laughing at him, so double negative.

“Guess I’m the whole package then?” He says. Still chuckling. Kokichi gave him a muffled ‘ _that’s what you think_.’

Breakfast went by quickly because Kokichi was just too curious as to what Shuichi had up his sleeve. When it came to Shuichi and surprises, it was either predictable or not. That in itself being unpredictable. It’s a 50-50.

“So? You’re killing me here. What are you gonna do? Confess you are actually the Ultimate Murderer and spring a knife on me, or what?”

Kokichi had already picked up on the fact that it was a travel-to-it surprise. Since he was the first dressed appropriately with shoes on. Shuichi winced at his comment. “Um, I’ll take the ‘or what’.”

“Ha.” Kokichi opened the door to their hotel room and was already skipping down the hall before Shuichi was ready.

He caught up with him just as he stepped into the elevator. “Kokichi, you don’t even know where we’re going.” Shuichi said as he pressed the bottom floor button before Kokichi could.

“Well it isn’t my fault you’re so slow.” Kokichi crossed his arms. “Ah well. Doesn’t matter! Where are we going?” Shuichi grabbed his hand. Holding it very tight. Kokichi looked up to meet slightly serious eyes.

“...Calm down. It’s a little walk away, and you’ll want to save your energy.”

The elevator stopped and both walked out. Kokichi had no choice but to follow the man out the doors of the hotel and leave the comfort of a modern area and into the little city filled with locals.

Kokichi could remember this area from a couple years back. It was one of the first fiasco's he was unfortunately there to witness. It was nothing like the things he would see in the future. But it was one of his first huge bombing mission. He didn’t hang around. His job was to stick to his bergade and shoot off the suicide bombers before they blew up.

Shuichi was there too. They were right next to each other when the bomb shelter for the innocent bystanders were blown to pieces. Many bodies were recovered, no survivors.

“You alright?” Shuichi asked as he led them down the street. He squeezed his hand. “Huh? Yeah, fine.” Though of course that was their code for ‘ _no not really_.’

They stopped at a building that was not kept up to par. But not too badly ran. Kokichi could tell by the sound from inside, where Shuichi had taken him. Excitement and anxiety quickly filled his apprehension. “Shumai. Are you sure?”

Shuichi nodded. “As long as you are. I know back home everyone was pretty much taken. So, why not?”

Kokichi bit his lip. “...Even if we are successful. It’s a whole plane ride away…”

Another nod. “I thought of that, and planned before we came just in case. I have everything already.” He took another step towards the big double doors. “Ready?”

Kokichi stared up at the building. It closely resembled the place he was practically born into. Even if he wasn’t there for too many years, he couldn’t forget it. “...Yeah. Yeah, I’m ready.”

Shuichi pushed open the doors and they both walked inside. The smell was a bit musky, but hidden with the smell of cookies and cleaning stuff. There was a lady at a little desk, who looked up at them. A look up hope brightened her eyes as she shot up out her seat with too much eagerness.

“Hello, can I help you?” She greeted. Kokichi looked at Shuichi who smiled at her.

“Yes, we’re looking to adopt.”

 

Orphanages were desperately thrown back into society during the war. Parents were dying, mothers couldn’t care for kids with husbands dead. Nor could a cripple mother or father have the heart to care for a child during such a depressing point in history. So the foster care system was tossed to the wind.

Kokichi grew up in a very populated city so he was subject to an orphanage. It’s not typically ran like that anywhere else before the heat of the battle struck. But the war started a couple years before he was even born. So it was only the beginning of many more abandoned and or orphaned children. The place him and Shuichi were in must have been repurposed to fall into the orphanage tendencies.

Maybe it was an apartment complex. An old one, because there were small rooms lining the halls. The reception area was for the secretary and the kids who were open to look at were playing in the rooms next to it.

The lady was overly accepting of the mere mention of adoption. Kokichi thought it was because of how many children were housed there, but after talking with the lady about the papers, and how they’ve already been cleared for adoption, he found out they had serious money issues.

Only 27 kids were there. All between the ages of 1 and 6. “Did they all come from the war?” Kokichi asked as she led them into different rooms where all of them were playing or napping. “Unfortunately…” The woman sighed. “Most of them were hurt in the crossfire. We once had at least 68 kids, the rest are…”

“Scarred.” Shuichi finished. Kokichi winced as he said it. It hurt to think that these kids were ignored because of physical flaws. Which emphasised the trope of parents wanting the perfect child. Not one riddled in scars or “Ugly” features.

As if the topic was now on everyone’s mind, the women really took Kokichi’s appearance into consideration. “Are you two-... Former soldiers?”

They both nodded. “Actually.” Kokichi pipped up. “I’m Ouma Kokichi, have you-” He spoke no further. The woman gasped with a hand clasped over her mouth. “Oh dear lord, you’re the one who wrote Coastline Massacre.”

She gave him a respectful filled bow and went on how a couple of the kids there were a big fan. Adding how much it would mean to them if he visited all of them. Kokichi could never turn it down. Though he would feel guilty about not taking them all home with him. But he had a feeling Shuichi wasn’t ready for 27 kids yet.

The first one he saw was a cute little six year old girl who shrieked at his name and ran at him with arms open wide. He hugged her and sat on the rug with her as she sat in his lap. The girl had short blossom brown hair and a cute smile. It pained him to think no one wanted her. He knew the reason, it was as clear as day.

Both her arms were burned. Her skin was a shade darker than her complexion and was bumpy with no proper healing time or medical attention. Kokichi showed her his own scars and told her that she was going to be really strong and pretty one day. Even now, she was amazing. He made sure to tell her, and wrote her a note for her future. He’d do the same to the rest, to remind them that they aren’t duds of society.

The same went for the next little girl who lost a leg in an explosion that killed her father. Next was a little five year old boy who went on and on about how he was going to be a hero too. He has a jagged scare that ripped across his face. It distorted his smile and left that little grin breaking Kokichi’s heart.

The babies were unharmed and new. Perfect and innocent symbols of a new generation that wouldn’t have to deal with the heavy repercussions of war. Kokichi’s heart became heavier with each one he visited. He just wanted one to make happy. But now he felt selfish. He was only taking one because it was all he could handle.

But he could handle more if he tried hard enough. Shuichi must have been reading his thoughts because he gripped his hand. “...They will all have homes one day.” He whispered. “...We can’t take them all, but we can hope someone will.”

His words were true. But after seeing a deaf little boy write down in his scribbly handwriting that he used to love listening to his mother tell stories to him before bedtime. He felt like crying. The tears already stung his eyes as he left the room. He wrote down that in his dreams his mother still tells him bedtime stories. Every night, without fail.

There was just one more they could see. The woman was already walking them to the room.

“He’s a bit shy…” She warned. “He’s only two, and his parents were killed in a building after it collapsed.” She opened the door and there was a little boy, sitting under a blanket.

“Hey…” She called out softly. “Wanna come out? There are really nice, and kind people here who want to see you.” She knelt down next to the little boy who was still hiding under the blanket. She pulled off the thin fabric and the little boy only buried his face in his hands.

“It’s okay…” She hushed. She stood up and picked him up to set him on his feet. “He’s one of our newest members. We’ve been calling him SunDrop after the house he was found in. He doesn’t respond to the name, but he doesn’t respond to anything for that matter.”

SunDrop was cute as any pure child. He had snow white skin with soft blemishes on his neck. His messy indigo hair complimented his dark almost black violet eyes. Yet they were filled with fear.

Kokichi was almost afraid to get his heart broken. What miserable story did this child have. What sanity shattering tale hid behind those eyes. Shuichi knelt down next to SunDrop. Doing the typical distraction tactic and picking up a toy action figure soldier. “...is this yours?” Shuichi asked gently, he held it up between them.

SunDrop’s little eyes darted between the toy and Shuichi. He nodded and reached for it hesitantly. Kokichi watched his behavior as Shuichi interacted with him. He noticed when SunDrop flinched. When he tried to say something but gave up on it. The way he stared at Shuichi when he gently pat his little head.

“Does…” Kokichi turned to the woman in charge. “...He have any previous history?” The women only shook her head. “Me and the maids wrote him off as having major separation anxiety. He seemed to of been close with his parents, since he always draws pictures of them.”

Shuichi looked up as she said that. “Could I see the pictures?” He must be thinking what Kokichi was. Mister Detective wasn’t that oblivious to the child's behavior. The women went to the drawers and pulled out a few papers and handed it to Shuichi.

Kokichi looked over his shoulder as he shifted through the drawings. All of them had a man and a lady. With him in the middle of the two. It was a typical child's drawing. But something was off. On the side of the mother figure was always a bottle. On the fists of the Father, there was always red scribbled on to where his hands would be.

“Uh oh…” Shuichi muttered as he went through them again.

“What?” The woman stared at them too. Shuichi looked up at her. As if trying to pick out the words to say, but Kokichi sighed. Taking it upon himself to say.

“Mommy was a drunk. Daddy was physical.” He pointed to the father’s fists. “Red tends to represent anger.” He pointed to the bottles. “You know what that is. Did this slip your mind?”

The woman glanced at the child. “I- Never really looked at his drawings too much…”

That made sense. She has 26 other ones to keep track of. “So he was abused.” Shuichi concluded. “Distancing behavior, cautious of where my hands are, watching Kokichi behind me, he’s always aware of what’s going on.” He sighed. “...poor baby.”

Kokichi was up to sit next to SunDrop who had been tugging at the blanket that was thrown back onto the little bed. His next move was going to determine if he was going to take him or not.

He gently slipped his hands around him. Settling the child in his lap. It was the first reaction since they started. SunDrop yelped, and started squirming in his very loose hold. Kokichi held him there until freaked out SunDrop gave up on wriggling out.

He then picked him up, to hold him close. In a hug. Another, now audible, gasp. SunDrop started crying, but it was quiet. Not a loud scream of discomfort. He was crying because he was confused. “...Shh, shh… it’s okay.” He pressed a gentle kiss into the child’s forehead. It was a simple comfort. A protective hold, a welcoming voice, and a soft gesture.

SunDrop relaxed but was still crying. It was all scary, and Kokichi understood why. He stood up, still holding him and rubbing his back. “Can we take him?”

The woman gave him the strangest look. “He… My apologizes, but he seems to not return the feelings.”

Kokichi laughed softly. “...watch, this is amazing.” He pulled SunDrop off of him and placed him in Shuichi’s arms. The child’s little hands opened and grasped onto his shirt. His small body accepting the arms that held him.

“It’s...a learned behavior.” Kokichi said. “Children naturally can sense bad and good. They’re intuitive like that. They learn it from their parents, SunDrop got a bad glossary to refer back to when seeing adults. So he never got the good apart.” He gestured to the crying baby in Shuichi arms. “It takes longer for others, but He just learned.”

After that, more paper work was done. SunDrop was there the whole time. Clinging to Shuichi like a lifeline. The child did eventually settle down and stop crying. The only time they were able to get SunDrop off Shuichi was when he promised he would come back for him at the end of their honeymoon.

Kokichi said goodbye to the rest of the kids and told head lady he’d probably come back for a visit.

Hand in hand, they both walked back with a song in their hearts. A smile engraved onto their lips. And for Kokichi, eyes looking up towards the sky. Loving the clouds that peppered the prominent blue. Even if flashes of smoke streaked skies interrupted the imagery. It would fade eventually. Into a new life he’d have with Shuichi.

 

* * *

_“Ouma, S-S..” One of his soldiers swallowed roughly. “...Sir, I don’t mean this to sound too personal. But doesn’t all this ever make you think that you’re never going back to your family?”_

_That night, They were burrowed in holes made by explosions in the prior week. His regiment was taken through the area to sweep the fields clean. Just recently he got a refill on soldiers. Since he lost half of his men in the last brutal battle. Kokichi folded his arms and tried to get comfortable in the small dirt creator._

_This was a young man, like him, but people around here assume he’s 30 and very short. And only Gifted with the ability to keep a young face. He lets them think that._

_Kokichi looked up at the sky. It was an unnaturally clear night. Not a cloud polluted the stars that shone so brightly. It was such a nice thing to see, after all this violence he chokes down on an hourly basis, it’s relieving to say the least. “Of course it does.” He replied. Not bothering to lie about having hope._

_“It’s actually…” Kokichi looked at the stars constellations. It truly was beautiful. He could imagine Kaito pointing out each and every one of them. “My anniversary today.” He glanced at the boy beside him, a shawdow cast over their brown eyes. Their lips meeting to make a false smile. If he wasn’t the king of façades, he wouldn’t of been able to tell they were trying not to cry._

_“..Oh, congrats.” They whispered, turning their head to the side. If tears did escape, Kokichi couldn’t see them. It was dark enough as it was. “...How long have you been together…?”_

_Heres the nice thing about knowing death was a high risk every minute of your day, where not even sleep was possible. People open up, they become vulnerble. And it suddenly becomes hard to judge another on their life choices when everyone else is working on regretting their own._

_“Couple years.” he smiled fondly. Picturing Kaito arranging the sky like this made him happy to at least a little extent. They sparkled like books described. Sprinkled all above his head, reminding him there’s always a calm before the storm. Making this moment so important to soak in. “They’re waiting for me back home.”_

_Home. To everyone, that became one goal. Make it home. Home could be varied things, family, spouse, loved one, sibling, a roof over your head. Home could even be a church, or a certain meadow you’d dream about when you find those rare moments to slip into unconsciousness._

_The boy shifted slightly. “...I want to see my girls baby when I get back.” Making the ring around his finger flash in the bright moonlight. He lifted his head up to the same sky Kokichi secretly relished in. “She’s… scared I’m not coming back.” He sighed sadly. “So… Ouma sir, do you think we’ll live- or… you probably will. Do you think I will?”_

_Ooh. Harsh question. Kokichi laughed weakly. “...War is a game of deception you know.” He turned to him and tried to catch his eyes. “...It doesn’t matter how fit you are. How built. Cause in the end, who can out run a fighter plane? Who can withstand thousands of bullets? Who can can hide from the guilt?” He giggled. “Not too many people.”_

_“...I don’t get what you mean.” The boy looked at him as if he held all the answers he seeked. It’s something he had to get used to, after all this time._

_“I mean,” Kokichi sighed, “There's no guarantee. Life is, and has never been something ensured. Still isn’t. Remember your job?”_

_“To fight and die for our country?”_

_Kokichi scoffed, chuckling in his own thoughts. “No. It’s to fight and make sure those bastards die for theirs.” This time he hears a mild genuine laugh from the boy. Well, he should really start calling him a man for doing this, so man it was._

_The moment was ripped away as blasts started going off. Kokichi wished the calm lasted a bit longer, but of course it never does. The ground seemed to rumble like a small earthquake as both grabbed their guns and dared to peek from their ground cover. He audibly heard his friend gulp._

_Yeah, that was about right. Tanks. High tech tanks barreling in their direction. Huge bulky wheels left imprints on soft soil. The front was heavily guarded with thick metal that was impossible to penetrate._

_“...Aim for the side.” Kokichi hissed, loading his gun that he should have done before. “..If you hit the gap between the front barrier and the wheel the entire thing will explode.”_

_“What!? But that’s so small-!”_

_“That’s an order.” Kokichi growled. Honestly, people forget so easily he’s head dog. He fired, and missed. Fire again, missed. He can be a great shot sometimes, but when the target is one inch wide and twenty meters away, whilst it’s dark out, he’s made to be an ameatur. However, he brought a man who worked with guns even before the war. He’s not stupid._

_He watched the other aim with shaking hands. But as he took the shot, so did their metallic friend._

_First try, and the bullet struck the precise area Kokichi instructed. However, the blast from the tank had been aimed right at them. His shooter shoved his head down on instinct, it was quick, the hot air of the blast ghosted the back of his neck. Burning off the hairs. He would have rejoiced if he didn’t feel blood drip onto his shoulder._

_He didn’t need to lift his head to see the decapitated body. The hand that had shoved his head down fell loose against the corpse that slumped against the dirt ground cover. It wasn’t uncommon for people to die. But as a the official General’s wingman. It was harder._

_That was his first, and last life to ever take the shot for him._

* * *

His eyes flew open, forcing himself to siffle the scream that eroded his throat and swallow it down as his clammy, sweaty hands circle around the little baby boy in his lap. Fast asleep as the car quietly kept the hum of it’s lullaby in the air. He steadied himself with a deep breath, and then another.

“...You okay?” Shuichi asked, looking at him through the rear view mirror.

Kokichi sat up from laying across the seats in the back, careful not to wake up little Sundrop. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, pulling together a smile. “..Yeah, just… A little uneasy.” The dream brought back the aftermath of that incident. He vaguely remembered wishing he knew the name of that man. So he reached to pull their dog tag into sight before he ran.

“I’m okay now though.” He reassured, letting Shuichi keep his eyes on the road. They still had an hour before they made it home from the airport. Sundrop did terribly on the plane ride, but he’s a fresh two year old, so that’s expected. He cried the whole time and wouldn’t calm down unless Shuichi held him in his lap and watch baby shows on the little TV’s.

All the while Kokichi could sleep, or take pictures of them. Taunting Shuichi with the amazing idea of parenthood. Even though he knows Shuichi has dealt with crying babies for a while now. Speaking of babies… “Hey Shumai.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully, breaking into a long yawn before directing his eyes at Shuichi.

“What do you want to name him?”

Shuichi had already admitted he had no clue. Kokichi and him have been brainstorming since the day they carried him to the airport. “I don’t know, you can pick, as long as it isn’t something silly like our names combined.”

Kokichi chuckled. “How would that even work? We both end in Ichi. How does Shu-Kok sound?”

“No.”

“Kok-Shu.”

“Coke-Shoe? Kokichi, be sensible.”

He laughed quietly. “Okay, okay.” he looked down at Sundrop, looping a finger through one little dark curl at the end of his hair. “...I was just thinking, since.. There was once a man who sacrificed his life for mine, even though he had a wife and soon to be baby. I made sure it never happened again, but still. I remember him.”

Shuichi glanced at him. “You want to name him after the person who saved you?” Kokichi couldn’t help but snort at the slight jealousy in his voice.

“I’d name him after you if that was the case.” He got the successful gentle smile in return. “But, I mean, I want it to have meaning. And...Ryuu was their name, and I thought maybe we could do a throw off version of that? I want him to be named after a warrior, because he’s stronger than he thinks.”

Shuichi chuckled. “That’s sentimental of you. What would it be?”

Kokichi scooched Sundrop up so he laid his baby cheeks on his chest. Where, might he add, he was wearing Shuichi’s big soft hoodie. Nice and comfy like a snug hug. “...I was thinking Reiyu.” He placed a gentle kiss on the sleeping child’s forehead. “..So? Like it? Or no go?”

Shuichi thought, his eyes searching the air as they did when he was thinking. “It means beautiful.” He said softly. A fact brought up from the name meanings they researched prior. Those golden eyes flicker back up to Kokichi and Sundrop. That smile followed the gently said; “I Love it.”

For the next 40 minutes, starting from when Reiyu woke up. Kokichi sang out words to a song Shuichi’s never heard before. “I love you! A bushel and a peck! A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck! A hug around the neck, and a barrel and a heap! A barrel and a heap, and I’m talkin’ in my sleep!”

He gasps dramatically as his fingers tinckle Reiyu, making him break into uncontrolled laughter. “About you! About yooou~ Cause I love you,” He peppered the giggling child in kisses, until he shrieked in shrill screams of forced joy. “-A bushel and a peck! You betcha neck I do!”

“I dodalo-da-lo Dat do!” Reiyu weakly squirmed in his trapping hands as they emersed him in loving torture. Shuichi smiled at the sound, the sound Kokichi wanted hear from day one. Wishing to bring a child back to smiles and laughter, washing away the pain with the fog of childhood. He fulfilled his wish.

He pulled into their driveway, having bought a brand new car, all for a new family. “Okay, enough fun, It’s bedtime for everyone.” Shuichi pulled out the keys and opened his car door. Doing the same to Kokichi’s door, who still was making Reiyu happy beyond compare. Kokichi smiled, picking up the bundle of joy and getting out.

“Shuichi’s jealous isn’t he?” He hummed as he walked inside after Shuichi opened the door for him. Kokichi kicked off his shoes, hearing the huff of deprived agreement in return. Kokichi turned to face him after Shuichi locked the door. Smiling as Shuichi caught his eyes.

“Stay right there!” Kokichi ordered, Reiyu whined and set his head on his shoulder. Tired, and soon to be very cranky. “I’m gonna put him to bed, if you move I’ll steal your kid.” He winked and left down to the room they both prepared after their wedding. Shuichi waited right there, dropping his bags near the door and seeing Kokichi come skipping back over to him.

“That was quick.” He said softly, reaching out to him. Kokichi excepted the open arms and tucked himself in the hug.

“...Mmm, Yeah, Reiyu was a tired baby. I just laid him down with his toy and he was out like a light!” He giggled. “Anywho, my Shumai wants some attention? Honeymoon not enough for you?” He smirked, Shuichi only kissed his cheek in response.

Kokichi hummed. Content, and wishing to continue some lyrics. “I love you,” He said, in the same tune as before, except softer. “A bushel and a peck.. A bushel and a peck, Though you make my heart a wreck. Oh you make my heart a wreck,” Shuichi kissed his neck and out of the flirtatious air, he swept him off his feet. Carrying him right to their room.

“And you make my life a mess! Make my life a- HAha! Mess!” Kokichi giggled as Shuichi laid him on the bed, running his fingers up his side, sparking laughter from those lips. Who had Kokichi reaching up and encouraging him to come closer. “...Hmhm, a mess of happiness.” He whispered, kissing Shuichi lips and loving the thrill of excitement he felt.

As happy as he felt, Kokichi noticed a sad look in Shuichi eyes, in his demeanor. “Oh, I see,” Kokichi said as they pulled apart. Shuichi lay next to him, staring, secrets locked behind them. Is this where he finds out he’d been seeing someone else in the absence of his death? Or a new found illness, leaving him months to live?

That’s how sad books end anyway. “You wanna tell me something?” Kokichi prompted, poking his cheek. Shuichi sighed, slipping his hand around his.

“...I got a call when you were sleeping in the car.” He said gently. His gold eyes dropping from Kokichi’s. “My parents claimed they’re coming over. They want to meet you.”

Kokichi’s reaction came out slowly, his mouth opened to say something, but nothing formed a right answer for such a bomb dropped on him. “Wha-...” There were many issues with that statement. “When…?”

Problem number one, Shuichi’s parents strongly dislike their relationship.

“...Tomorrow afternoon.”

Problem number two, they aren’t known to be kind people.

“Why do they want to see me now?”

Problem number three, no one knows about Reiyu yet.

“They… Saw our wedding pictures on Miu’s facebook and instagram.”

Kokichi couldn’t deny that he felt himself pale. He sat up and was looking in the direction of Reiyu’s room. “Shuichi, what about… I don’t know, everything?” He fiddled with the ring around his finger. Slipping it off and on in nervous thought. He felt bad for Shuichi, he hadn’t spoken to his parents in years. Leaving on such sour terms. Kokichi was surprised they called first.

“I know, I know…” He ran a hand through his messy cyan hair. “It was on such short notice… They said they were shocked, baffled even that we stayed together.”

Here everything goes again. Kokichi swallowed the lump in his throat. The story dips in to harsh times, then resurfaces to smiles and giggles. But all hills eventually go down, and now, with a third person in the party. They’re all sent tumbling down again. Kokichi can only hope the visit will be as quick as seeing him and leaving.

Something told him the appointment will go over much longer. Maybe even ending in devastating results. “Let's just… think about it tomorrow.” He leaves again in just a week. His job surprisingly demanding for all the repairs he has to make to the country in the aftermath of war. So Kokichi would rather not worry about meeting his beloved husband's parents.

If he can survive a battlefield. He can survive an insignificant meeting with two unbeknownst old adults.

* * *

“You’re nervous.”

Shuichi had claimed nearly five times in the last hour as Kokichi stared at Reiyu stack blocks ontop of eachother. Luckily he slept through the whole night, not a sound came from his room. Reiyu was an absolutely silent child. He giggled and laughed from time to time. Otherwise, he didn’t speak.

Kokichi watched him intently, worried. He was worried. Reiyu stood up with a block in his hands and bobbled over to Shuichi and presented it to him.

“Of course I’m nervous.” He grumbled. His hands over his mouth. “I have never spoke to them, not in all the years I’ve known you.” He glanced up to look at the clock on the wall. “Maki should be here any second.” He said. In his antsy mood he got up to go to the door, as predicted, someone knocked and he opened to Maki who was mildly surprised at the immediate response.

“Oh, you weren’t lying.” She said as her eyes found the tiny child looking up at her in interest. Maki walked into the living room where Shuichi stood watching him. “And his name is Reiyu?”

“Yes.” Shuichi answered. Kokichi grimaced at how tense he sounded. Maki was good enough at reading the air, she’ll catch on. He gave another glance at the clock. His parents should be here in less than fifteen minutes. “Sorry.” Shuichi sighed, tugging at his bangs in a anxiousness. “My parents are coming over and no one knows about Reiyu and I’d hate for them to react badly…”

Reiyu tugged on Shuichi’s pant leg and stuck up his arms in the infamous ‘pick me up’ gesture. He slipped his hands under his little arms and hugged him close. “I’m very sorry this is so sudden. Could you watch over him? Just for an hour or two, he doesn’t need much. He gets entertained by little things. And—”

“Shuichi, calm down. I can watch over him.” Maki gave her rare kind looks. Where her red hard eyes soften. Even she looked relaxed as Shuichi tried to pawn Reiyu over to her. Of course the child was resistant. Gripping Shuichi’s shirt weakly, letting go as he was placed in Maki’s arms.

“Shumai,” Kokichi called from the front. He was looking out the window when he glanced back at them. “They’re here.”

Shuichi kissed Reiyu’s forehead quickly. Whispering ‘it’s okay’. Before telling Maki to leave through the back door.

Kokichi returned to the living room, Giving him the look that says _You are answering the door._ Shuichi sighed, biting his tongue as he nodded.

Kokichi sat on the couch, wondering if he should be himself, act like a general, or play into what they expect him to be. He drummed his fingers on his knee, imagining the awkward discomfort about to be brought into their house, it was daunting. He took a deep breath as he heard the door open. He’ll just go with the flow.

“Well this is… A pleasant home.” Kokichi heard a female voice say. He had to greet them somehow. Somehow. He could already smell the expensive perfume from here. Maybe it was the stench of money shredded into tiny bits and doused in poisonous flowers that seemed harmless.

“So where is he?” A man’s voice now. Kokichi could hear the stiffness. He stood at that, turning to where they entered the living room.

“Right here.” He smiled, layering on the sugar coating and slathering his face in a dripping fake facade that lies straight to their undeserving expressions. “You must be Mr Saihara,” He smirked, holding out a hand to the man. “Nice to finally after-so-many-years meet you.” He even flashed a toothy smile at Shuichi’s mother.

Yeah, he was over doing it. That’s what he was aiming for.

Mr. Saihara shook his hand. Firm grip, weak shake. “You are Sir Ouma, General, I’ve heard.” The man said coldly. Kokichi nodded, leading them into the living room couches.

“That’s correct,” he reassured. “Just an apprentice for now, but y’know. One day I’ll be the official.” The older couple sat down on the couch together. Eyeing Kokichi suspiciously. Especially Shuichi’s mother, Mrs Saihara. Her narrowed eyes skimmed him up and down. He felt like she was X-raying him, such an observant individual.

Her dress was extravagant. Lace surrounded her neck and went to her shoulders. The dress she wore meet her knees. Completely black. Funny how that possibly could have influenced Shuichi’s taste in clothing. She looked at least 40, time had been so kind to her. Not a wrinkle contaminated her pure skin.

“Speaking of official,” Mrs Saihara started. “When Shuichi, did you marry your exotic spouse.” She looked over to him. Eyes innocently battering in his direction.

“Almost four weeks ago.” Shuichi said softly. His disposition changed in their presence. He stood taller, his chin held a little higher. His eyes cast elsewhere as he responded. Even his hands were held behind his back, proper stance, formal sounding voice.

Kokichi nearly laughed. He’s rejecting his parents mentally, showing it physically. It was either that, or the comment of calling Kokichi exotic. Which, in turn, he was quite the exotic one.

“Who wants tea?” Kokichi piped up before death glares could be exchanged. “I make the best, people have yet to out do me. Any takers?” He watched the two show clear disinterest.

“I only drink Sencha tea, thank you.” Mrs Saihara dismissed the idea completely.

Kokichi pouted, “Well we don’t breathe money so you’re going to try new things. Ever had Boba tea? I’ll make some.” He chirped, smiling as he went to brew some up. The bewildered faces on the two were amazing, and he swore he heard Shuichi suppress a chuckle.

Being in the kitchen was the perfect area to eavesdrop. The walls weren’t thick. He was out of sight, and tea was at his fingertips. All good things squished into one room. Lucky for him, it wasn’t too long before bickering started.

“Shuichi, are you… Serious, about him?” That was Mrs Saihara.

“Yes. I didn’t think you would take a shine to him..”

“That’s,” Shuichi’s father now. “Quite the understatement. You must still be in the honeymoon faze and believe me, that’s going to fade.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?” Their hushed voices failed to keep quiet. His mother seemed a bit irritated. “He’s going to drag you down to his level of idiocy and beat you with experience, Shuichi.” She inhaled deeply. “He seems off his rocker, if you know what I mean.”

Shuichi sighed. “Yes, I know what you mean. He’s just a bubbly person. And might I add that he isn’t an idiot, he was apart of the meeting that helped the war into a deep grave. He’s brilliant.”

“If I remember,” Shuichi’s father spoke. “He was the one who nearly killed you in a car crash in early high school.”

Kokichi winced. That wasn’t his proudest moment. Right when they started dating too. Besides, it was only a small visit to the hospital. Shuichi just got bad bruising from the seatbelt, that’s it. Only a bloody nose on Kokichi’s part. They were overreacting.

“The car was faulty.” Shuichi defended. He’s right, it was older.

“Then he should of been smart enough to not use it.” The man retorted.

“Dad, this happened many years ago. He’s almost 22 now.”

“Yes, but isn’t he troubled?”

Troubled? Kokichi bit the inside of his cheeks. He wouldn’t like to think that. Sure he did too many stupid things to count, but everyone had. He mentally groaned. Who was he fooling? Yes he’s a bit messed up. The pang of hurt in his chest insulted him. These people weren’t supposed to rake back that part of him.

“Troubled? No, he…” Shuichi hesitated. Rubbing lemon juice into Kokichi’s open metaphorical paper cut. “...Just didn’t have the best start.” That was one way to put it.

“And you had. Look where you ended.” His mother sighed.

“I haven’t _ended_ anything.”

His father scoffed. “Seems so. You had a good education, a good home, now you’re here in a low income neighborhood. With a _husband_. No job. What else is there? Living off your inheritance and Kochi’s job as an apprentice general? You are a Saihara for the last time. The ending line for our fading family. And this is what we leave off on.”

“His name is Kokichi, and I do have a job. I don’t work as often because of frequent therapist visits…” He faded into a whisper. Kokichi could hear shame in his tone. He should hurry up on this tea.

“Where do you work without a college degree?” His mother inquired. Her voice was awfully mocking, Kokichi learned.

“...I went to Hopes peak over the year after coming home. The police department I work at lets me do cases here and there. As well as teach young detectives…”

“So you’re doing this,” His father gave a gruff sigh. “Until retirement age? That seems uneventful.”

“I beg to differ.” Shuichi countered. “It makes me happy, being with him, my job. My family. I’d consider myself gratified.”

“What family, Shuichi?” his mother asked, her tone desperately fake. “We are that said family.”

“No,” Shuichi exhaled. “You’re not.”

A ten second silences separated his words from the next ones she’d say. “I gave you everything, I don’t want to hear it.” The woman quipped rudely.

“I-.. I don’t want to go over this again.” Shuichi said hopelessly. “I honestly love him and he’s always been there for me. You guys haven't.”

“Been there for you?” His father mocked. “So you could indulge in pleasures? A family supports, Shuichi. He seems to hardly be able to sustain you.”

“No- Dad, he’s a wonderful person if you give him a chance..”

Kokichi could almost feel the glances Shuichi was sending into the kitchen, not being able to see him, Kokichi wouldn’t fall doomed to those doe eyes that pleaded his freedom. But he, the infamous tea maker. Was waiting for the right moment. Even if Shuichi came at its expense.

“I’ve seen him enough.” The man grumbled. Losing his profession tang to his tone. “You would have made a decent father if you made more forgiving choices in life.”

Ouch. Kokichi felt the pain of family rejection run through his heart. Shuichi must have felt it worse, the pained expression on those soft features, Kokichi doesn’t want to even peek and see it.

“I- I do, have a son.”

Kokichi sighed as quietly as he could contain. Now that _that_ was out in the open, the tension thickened. He could even smell the stiff anger and shock contaminating the once semi clean atmosphere. Now all he had to do was wait one second before the canon fired.

“You-” Mrs Saihara choked on air. If she had been drinking anything, surely she would have suffocated. “-You.. You have a what?” Her voice went shrill, causing Kokichi to wince.

“Ah..” Shuichi couldn’t back pedal now, soon realizing his mistake. Kokichi could only imagine he let it slip because of the mention of being a father. Obviously causing some uproar in Shuichi’s mind, defiantly striking out with words to prove to the man that he could be a great father.

By tossing their child’s secret to the wind. If he could slow clap, he so would.

“We adopted.” Shuichi said rigidly. Trying to make a decent recovery. “We named him Reiyu and he’s just recently two.”

Kokichi chanced it and peeked around the corner. He had finished adding his special ingredient was letting the tea cool. For a brief moment he caught Shuichi’s eyes that asked him questions to his absence. He only smiled, holding a finger to his lips.

Mr Saihara rubbed the bridge of his nose. Pinching that spot until he dared look up at his son. “Engaged, married, and adopted a kid all in one month.” He said in a quick breath. “I never took you for the reckless type, but what you’ve done is something you’ll regret.”

“Regret?” Shuichi echoed. His face showing a clash of hurt curiosity and defensiveness.

“Kids take up your life.” He scowled. “I would think in your.. special relationship, you wouldn’t have mistakes. But you willingly spent money to make one.”

If anyone knew Shuichi and Kokichi, they would know that the newly wed Saihara’s were the type of people to be easy going. Shuichi was hard to make angry. Kokichi was hard to make genuinely ready to ring your neck from a tall, tall fence.

Yet in that instant two bloods of different kinds were boiling at different temperatures.

“Where is the child anyway?” Shuichi’s mother inquired, looking thoroughly bored. Either oblivious to the building friction that shocked voltages between two sets of eyes, or purposely ignoring the need to read the air.

“Not here.” Shuichi said through gritted teeth. Not offering them the information that he was next door over. It was best that way.

Yet the next words Shuichi said was the most venomous he had ever sounded. Toxic with hate and pure and raw anger, something like a fatal blow of revenge to the hearts of his parents. He said something that Kokichi never remembered them ever talking about, and wasn’t at all against it.

“And his last name is Ouma.”

Static brew in the silence. Snuffing out the words and shoving the cork down their throats.

Kokichi took Shuichi’s surname because he always dreamed of it. Still, often times gets called Ouma by his friends. That didn’t matter. What shocked him was that Shuichi looked so hell bent on having Reiyu take Ouma as his last name. And, now Kokichi can see why.

Shuichi was the type to never bother with tradition. Especially participate in the tradition of continuing the family name, with those people whom he despised. Kokichi fell in love with him for many reasons, and one of them was his will to end things he hated.

The reaction was perfect. Kokichi couldn’t contain the smile— no, more like ear to ear smirk.

Kokichi placed all cups on a neat little platter. He made four cups, and only two with love. He walked out as if he hadn’t heard a word. “Sorry for interrupting anything! But now you gotta try this.”

In such a tense mood, he got nasty glares. “It would be rude to decline~” Kokichi hummed out, offering a cup to Shuichi’s father first. The man grumbled something and took the cup. Then offering Mrs Saihara a cup. She turned her nose up at it, but looped her finger through the cup handle and took a sip.

Kokichi sighed, giving Shuichi his loveless cup and drinking his own. “Like it?” Kokichi asked the couple, as he gently nudged Shuichi sit down in an armchair and relax.

Shuichi shot him glares of mixed accusations as Kokichi ignored him and observed his Mother and Father in law. The Saihara’s both had the same reaction of disgust, before their gaze lifted off the tea cup in hand. Their cheeks tanning with a brush of pink accompanied by an overpowering smile.

Kokichi patted Shuichi’s shoulder. “All better.”

Shuichi’s face lost color. “Kokichi Ouma, you didn’t.”

He smiled. “That’s Kokichi Saihara to you!” He nonchalantly strode over to his parents. “Want me to take that cup for you?” He picked up the tray.

“Yes, thank you dear.” His mother said, her voice filled with airy cheeriness. Smiling with a familiar fog in her eyes. Kokichi giggled and plucked the hardly empty cup from her loose fingers. Mr Saihara merely nodded as Kokichi took his. Briefly he left to dump the contents of the cup into the sink.

“...Kokichi.” Shuichi said again, staring at his glassy eyed parents in disbelief. “You… What did you..”

Kokichi plopped himself in his lap. Wishing to whittle that smile out of those wooden hard lips. “Don’t worry,” He hushed as he pulled Shuichi’s hands apart from anxiously twiddling around each other. “I added my own special harmless concoction into their tea. It’s made of ingredients from antidepressants and some illegal happy pill.”

That made Shuichi wince, opening his mouth to counteract but Kokichi kept talking. “And! I had people test it in a lab and it has no side effects. It makes the user happy and dull to their surroundings. Perfect for making violent generals a pacifist in two seconds. Best part is, after it wears off they believe everything they did was solely their decision.”

Kokichi giggled, “It’s only given to a selected few people in the country. And luckily I have access.” He glanced at the eerily smiling couple, just staring at the wall with all the joy in the world.

“But…”

Kokichi kissed his chin. “...Don’t even try to lie to me, You think this is hilarious.” That’s when the air tight locked lips cracked into a slight smile. Shuichi slipped his arms around him, as if to reprimand him of his wrong doings in a rewarding hug.

“...you should never be general.” He scolded in a soft whisper. “...knowing you, you’ll just have statues of you in every room in all government buildings..” His kissed Kokichi’s cheek, before releasing him and sitting back in the arm chair.

Kokichi sighed, a mix of calm joy with peaceful sorrow. He shifted off Shuichi and set his teacup aside. Only now he saw the tears that pooled in the corner of his beloved’s eyes.

He truly felt sorry for him. His parents were jerks, and Kokichi can only imagine Shuichi hoped they would accept him now that he was starting out an exciting chapter in his life. Yet, all he was given was the cold shoulder.

Shuichi rubbed at his eyes and sighed. A heated conversation like that would only have such an effect on him. Kokichi looked at them, staring at their joyous dull expression.

He sighed. Sharing Shuichi’s heartache. He cupped his cheek and leaned in to place a soft, gentle kiss to his lips. “...We have an hour before they come back to life.” He whispered. “So come on, you need some loosening.”

Shuichi smiled feebly. “Alright.”

* * *

The couple left after the effects started wearing off. They left waving with smiles of lies, and they didn’t even realize it. By the time Kokichi stole a glance at the clock, nearly two hours flew by.

Kokichi and Shuichi both went to Maki’s house to see how Reiyu held up. Nervous bubbles of anxiety bound itself under Kokichi’s stomach and he just hoped Reiyu didn’t cry the whole time while they had taken care of his… Grandparents.

He shuttered. Nope. Nope. He’s not ever calling them that ever again. Ever.

When they opened the door. Kokichi found Reiyu on the floor next to Sachi. Sachi sucked on some toy while Reiyu simply watched her. Shuichi smiled at such a decent out come.

“He only cried for the first hour.” Maki said, glancing at Reiyu who turned around and yelped at the sight of them. His big dark colored eyes were teary and red rimmed as he jumped to his little feet and ran at Shuichi first.

Kokichi’s heart melted into a soppy puddle when Reiyu stared up at Shuichi with eyes filled with forgiveness. Reaching his arms up and saying for the first time since they had him;

“Daddy!”

* * *

“ _Shuichi.”_

_Kokichi’s heart beat too fast as he watched with painful slowness as the boy in front of him lift his head off the desk and stare up at him. Blinking back the fog that hovered after sleep._

_He watched him glance around the classroom and notice the last person left with the door shutting swiftly behind them. His amber eyes widen as his cheeks reddened. “I-...Ah,” he fiddled with the hem of his sleeve as he stared down at his desk._

_Kokichi breathed out a sigh. “You’re no longer spotless Shuichi.” He scolded. “Tut-tut.” He stuck two fingers on each hand and brushed them over each other, pointing them at Shuichi. “Shame, shame, shame! Now everyone knows your name.”_

_“Erm, what?”_

_“I d’know.” Kokichi giggled. “But man, I’ve never seen you so knocked out. During class too! Should I tattle on you now?” He drummed his fingers on the desk. Eyeing the nervous boy before him. Those eyes of innocent glint pour into Kokichi’s guilty ones._

_His heart beat faster, skidding across his ribs in a thunk-thunk-thunk pattern. Faster, and faster. He held his breath. Watching Shuichi look at him with discerning eyes. If hearts could hydroplane, he knew the feeling._

_“You… Didn’t wake me up.” Shuichi said, disappointment in his tone. Kokichi’s heart lurched forward, wracking itself with self pity and guilt. His ears burned, they’ve never been this close, at least physically. He was leaning in too close, too casually._

_He rocked back to his heels. “Shifting rude blame to me, huh?” He said, chuckling with the underline of softness. Good intentions. He was full of good intentions._

_“Um, no, just.. you could have maybe poked me or something…” Shuichi started to get up, filing his papers into his bag while Kokichi’s mind internally panicked._

_“Well you looked exhausted!” He blurted. Now he knew his ears were noticeable red. Lucky enough for him, he had longer hair. To cover up his nerves and mistakes. “So I let you sleep.” He pouted. Daring himself to keep looking at Shuichi’s face._

_“But I missed half the lesson.”_

_“It wasn’t important anyway.”_

_“Exams are coming up soon, of course it’s important.”_

_Kokichi stared at Shuichi’s eyes. They narrowed at him, genuinely frustrated at the outcome of today. Disliking his presence. He swallowed, even though his tongue was dry._

_Shuichi looked stressed. Tired, and mentally fried. So how dare he get mad at Kokichi for actually being nice. “Well too bad. I care for your well being. Deal with it.” He crossed his arms and glared at him. His chest hurt, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go._

_Shuichi slung his bag over his shoulder, regret washing over his features before looking at Kokichi. His eyes now swirling with burdened stress. “Sorry…” He said quietly. He rubbed his eyes, only to stop suddenly and huff out an annoyed muffled groan._

_Kokichi did his best to internalize his laughter. Poor Shuichi smudged his make up. Botching up the concealer with the eye liner. Whatever bags he was shielding away from the world, new and fake ones replaced them. It was the last class of the day anyway. So he only had to suffer walking through the hallways of people._

_“Daw.” Kokichi chuckled lowly. Only getting an annoyed look from his crush. His very massive crush._

_Yet the annoyed look shifted into slight realization. “Wait, you care?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“You said, a second ago, you said you care about my well being.”_

_Kokichi shoved on a cocky smirk. “Well, delayed reaction much?” He laughed. Fiddling with the note crumbled in his hands. He was going to stuff it in Shuichi’s bag. But felt more inclined to poke his cheek awake as class concluded. “But yeah.” His heart throbbed as he built up the nerve to be genuine._

_“I care.”_

_Shuichi studied him, for far too long. Kokichi was the one who stared people down to make them feel like they stood on a stage. In front of miles of people, watching every move they make. Causing the nervous sweat to burn the back of his neck. He tried not to look uncomfortable, but his throat was choking with nerve and suddenly he could only stare back up at him._

_“...What’s that?” Shuichi finally said, gesturing to Kokichi’s clamped fist._

_“Ah-! It’s just- y’know, junk. Paper.” He crinkled it, still not letting it go. Ugh, he was so pathetic. “Or- I mean it was for you, but I changed my mind- since, this Ultimate Supreme Leader doesn’t think you’re worthy of it.” Now he was mentally screaming._

_Screaming. In his absolute idiocy. His mouth was going to start doing his job for him. That thing where he starts to ramble and go on and on without knowing what it was saying. All to kill the silence. Or his heartbeat in his ears. “After all I was trying to come up with a way to conquer fellow countries. I figured, hey maybe a detective might be able to help me out, since if anyone is gonna overthrow Japan, it’s gonna be me–”_

_And he went on. His eyes falling from Shuichi’s as they just stare. His lips went numb as sound poured out of it. Only jolting them alive when he needed to smile once in a while. His mouth halted when Shuichi reached forward and coiled his delicate fingers around Kokichi’s wrist._

_Kokichi was too stunned. Too unfeeling. His limbs succumbed to such a foreign touch against his own skin. His heart grabbing against invisible strings and yanked everything to a complete stop. His breath caught in his throat. The burning of fire in his ears had crawled and caught his cheeks in the fierce blaze of it all._

_Shuichi uncoiled his now slack fingers and pulled the paper loose._

_His arm fell back against his side. Shuichi was unknowing to the fact that Kokichi was having an internal mid life crisis. That paper spelled disaster for him, and his friendship with his beloved. He doesn’t even know if Shuichi liked him at all in that way. The detective was just too subtle in everything he does!_

_Kokichi felt like screaming. Shuichi’s eyes read over the very few words that were on there. When those eyes picked up from the sloppily written words that stained the paper with smudged graphite, Kokichi felt sick. But sick in such a confusing way._

_A good kind of sick. His stomach was flipping with a thousand butterflies. However, if this went the way he hoped to the world it wouldn’t, then the butterflies would turn on him and attack._

_Shuichi smiled. He only smiled. Kokichi stared wide eyed at that smile. He didn’t know if it was of pity or joy. He didn’t know, and he wished so badly he did._

_“I…” He chuckled. “I think you’re kinda worth the struggle too, Kokichi.”_

_He tore his face from his soft one. He feared he might not understand. His heart shook from holding pause on so many things. His lungs burned at holding his breath and he had to exhale at some point. He did, and Shuichi just kept on that stupid smile._

_“You…” Kokichi folded his arms and dug his nails into his arm. Protected with a thick fabric. “...You can give that back now. You- ugh.” He breathed again. “Just ignore it. Please.”_

_Shuichi didn’t understand. He didn’t get how much it took Kokichi to put those dumb words on loose leaf paper. Only to crumple it up and give up on his words that were idiotic in the first place. Kokichi went to walk by him, his smudged eyed beloved._

_“Kokichi,” He said softly. Not yelling. Just above a whisper, his voice curled around his ears and with no physical movement, it stopped his feet. His face beat red now he was facing away from Shuichi._

_“Me too.” He said. Kokichi could hear his footsteps come closer, after all, he was only two steps away. “I feel that way too.”_

_Kokichi’s heart exploded and he couldn’t handle being so close and not close enough. He spun on his heels and looked up at an earnest Shuichi. There was always something in Shuichi, in his eyes that made Kokichi’s knees feel weak. His golden eyes looked at him, past his lies. Past his obvious flaws._

_“I’m…” He laughed. Tears of mixed emotions stained his eyes. “I’m really glad.”_

_Shuichi’s eyes always looked at him, every time, as if there was something in him worth looking at._

_‘Dear my beloved Shuichi Saihara,_

_I don’t like a lot of things. Since they hurt. But after I met you, I think you’re kinda worth the struggle._

_(Who am I kidding I’m never sending this)_

_-Your love! Kokichi Ouma’_

* * *

Before his life as a general, or even a soldier. He never would be waking up so early in the morning to double check on his baby, only ever so slightly opening the door, leaning into the room. Reassure himself of the sleeping Reiyu curled up safely in his blankets.

Often times he would walk in a bit further. Lean over the side of the crib and kiss Reiyu’s little head before sneaking out of the room to get ready for an early morning run.

Maki used to do this all the time before Sachiko came along. Before she was yanked into the sticky web of war, and take off every morning with Kaito. Jogging side by side. Smiling and forgetting the worries of the day, week, or month.

This morning was one of those mornings.

He didn’t always do this, only when he has bad dreams, or had trouble sleeping because of ramped thoughts that slammed themselves against his skull until he developed a swaying headache.

He slipped out of bed, seeing the clock struck five fifteen in the morning. Shuichi lay calmly and breathed as still as he ever has been. Tonight, or rather, for the past nights, Shuichi hasn’t been waking up in a pool of sweat and tear stained cheeks. Kokichi had his fair share, but Shuichi’s mind was much more fragile.

The therapist was helping him. Reiyu helped him. Kokichi was sure he helped too. He only wished he shared the same medication supplement. Kokichi never healed just because people stood by his side and gave him the thumbs up. No, he was much more stubborn than that.

His healing came with the trouble of time. His healing came through long nights of being paranoid over it. His healing was raked from trust he thirsted from the very few people whom he loved. That love was so rare in his life, and squeezing heavenly drops of relief from it did wonders.

He discarded his night clothes and slipped on his usual running ones. He found some socks and shoved them on along with his only good sneakers. He ran his fingers through his unbrushed hair and pulled it back in a ponytail, he’ll take a shower when he returns.

He silently crept out of his room. A pang of worry entered his head, and he glanced down the hallway. Easily falling into the temptation, he went to Reiyu’s room. Easily sneaking inside and peaking over at his baby. He reached down and pulled the soft little blanket over him. Making sure his soldier toy was by his side, protecting him from harm.

He watched over him longer than he should have. Watching the little toddler’s chest slowly rise and fall. His messy head of hair, he could only imagine would be a monster to tame. He giggled at the thought. He’d have to share a few tips with him as he got older.

It wasn’t long before Kokichi felt like he wasn’t the only one watching over someone. He turned his head towards the door and saw someone lingering in the doorway. Kokichi smiled.

“...Morning Shumai.” He whispered. Leaving Reiyu’s side and grinning up at his husband’s presence. Shuichi took him into his arms and with such gentleness, as if his fingers were crafted out of the very tufts of cotton, pulled him out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

Shuichi was quite the clingy one in the morning. Or, more so in very private places. Here, in their home, with the hallway darkened by the lack of light and the sun's presence, it was private here.

Kokichi felt the relaxing, and ever so familiar tender jolts of love filled electricity that resounded in his heart when Shuichi kissed his neck. Fluttering him in his favorite touch and came to conclude on his lips. His whole body agreeing to such a warmth that bloomed in his cheeks.

Everyone ranted on about how by the end of the year, they’ll be at each other’s throats. At the final end of their honeymoon stage. Yet, as Kokichi felt the way Shuichi treated him. With such care, mellow hands circled around his hungry soul as it yearned for more of that, that of which Shuichi replenished within just a few minutes.

He hummed with his lips against Shuichi’s chest. It was always so very noticeable when Shuichi spoke with his lips and not his mouth. Kokichi loved it, everything about him loved it.

With such tranquil energy, Kokichi doubted that their honeymoon faze would fade. Maybe the heat of love would settle into the normal everyday life, but he never forgot how lonely and painful it was to be without him. He knew what the frigid cold was like, far before he touched steaming, welcoming warmth.

He was grateful. He never took one ounce of their time together for granted. So even when this does fade, the worst fights they’d stumble into would be petty ones.

“...Going on a run?” Shuichi asked, his chin set above Kokichi’s head. The safe-hold, Kokichi called it.

“Mhmm, sorry if you wanted to sleep with me more..”

“It’s alright. Can I come with you?”

Kokichi wore an amused smile. “I don’t know, who's gonna be here with Reiyu?”

“...he wakes up at 6:30. We have time.”

Shuichi was right. Ever the observant one. Reiyu always did wake up at 6:30 on the dot. “...Okay. Fine. But something tells me that you, soldier, haven’t been keeping in shape.” Never once has he seen Shuichi keep the body that war forced him into. His abs weren’t as there, he was going all squishy again.

But it was only muscle loss. “I’ve learned perseverance.” Shuichi said, smiling. Kissing Kokichi’s temples before letting go of his safe-hold.

It was 5:30 when they finally left the house.

It was ten minutes into the run that ran at Kokichi’s pace. Shuichi was already dying. “Perseverance huh?” He teased, slowing down to a walk-paced jog. Shuichi rolled his eyes and gained better posture and picked up his pace, as if to tell Kokichi he still had it in him.

Before they knew it, both broke into an unspoken race. Racing to an unspoken finish line. That held unspoken trophies.

Kokichi never thought he’d one day grovel in the feeling of his heels hitting the ground and rolling his foot to shoot forward on his toes. He never had ever before enjoyed the feeling of his lungs hurting for air, pushing himself until he was gasping with each pulse of his stride.

Maybe it was the fact that Shuichi was doing the same next to him. The sidewalk along the road whizzing by as light feet bolted into the woods of a park they both knew so well. With the pound of their weight with each step. The throb of their hearts rocking with the constant dead concentration on nothing that existed.

He relished the way his legs seared with a well known muscle pull. He remembered the connection this all had. When Shuichi and him ran for their lives for the first time. Back during those missions when they were lucky to be close enough to see one another.

It brought back feelings of desperation and adrenaline. Thrill like no other coursed through his pumping veins. Flipping, spinning, tossing the world on an awkward spin of the ground. Increasing the ache of the side stitch, feeling more like a gash ripping alongside his ribs.

He collapse around the same time Shuichi did. Across the unspoken finish line. Laughing as if never hurt. Laughing as if this was that point in their lives they wish would freeze and engulf them.

Sweat drenched and gasping for air. Kokichi laughing as he crawled over to Shuichi’s heaving body, spitting out choked sputtered laughs in between coughs. “We— N-Nee-Heeheehee...are, Such! Bad! Parents!” He rasped. Laying across Shuichi’s struggling form, and making his job at breathing harder.

They were both stuck in this loop of physical fires that raged within their muscles, making everything hard to comprehend. “N-No..,” Shuichi chuckled, taking in a gasp and letting it go in a long exhale. “We... probably still have t-ten minutes to get b...back.”

Kokichi lifted his drowsy head up to shift his sticky, sweaty, body ontop of Shuichi completely. “Race ya?”

* * *

Kokichi rubbed his hair with a towel in an attempt to wring it dry. After a cold shower, his muscles complained and tugged around him, wishing he took a hot shower. He smiled, ignoring the twinges of uncomfortable restriction. He had another idea of loosening them up. Soon, they’ll be sighing in content.

He tossed the now wet towel in the hamper. Well, tried to. It landed with a splat on the floor next to it. Oh well.

Kokichi peered around the corner, seeing Shuichi’s head just past the couch. Giggles of shrill childish pitch was just past him.

“Oh Reiyuuu!” Kokichi sang out, hearing the giggles pause. As predicted, two little sets of eyes peeked around the couch. His small smile hidden halfway in the couch fabric.

Kokichi knelt down to his level, opening his arms in an irresistible way. Reiyu shyly glanced back at Shuichi who was pretending to be unaware of the interaction. Then he looked back, leaving the couch shadow and running into Kokichi’s hug.

“Daddy.” Reiyu said softly as Kokichi picked him up and held him close.

Kokichi chuckled. “So we’re both Daddy? That’ll be confusing.” He walked over to Shuichi who was smiling fondly at him. “Right? _Daddy_.” Kokichi said impishly, narrowing his eyes at Shuichi, making him turn away to hide a chuckle.

He sat down on the couch with a long sigh. Setting Reiyu next to him who still refused to stay there without Kokichi keeping a safe arm around him. “So, dear husband of mine. Did the couple a few blocks away say babysitting would be a pleasure?”

He figured Maki and everyone else wouldn’t want to always be subject to toddler sitting, so he forced Shuichi to track someone down. With Kokichi taking monthly trips to his work, stuck in his military, and Shuichi going to therapy session, mixed in with his peppered in job at the PD, they would need a trustworthy babysitter.

And Kokichi was picky. If they had one flaw, one bad mark on their ‘spotless’ record. Then that person was not going to watch over his baby. Shuichi was more forgiving. Which can be a good and bad thing. They narrowed it down to this kind guy just blocks away.

It was an older couple, one of them took part in major war services when they were younger. A well-known marginally good person as a whole. He also has a husband. That man was intimidating to say the least, but Kokichi sensed a decently good heart within.

“Ah, right. Yeah, Makoto said he’d love to watch over Reiyu. He’s free a majority of the weeks both of us leave or won’t be here.”

Reiyu looked between both of them with sad doe eyes. “...Leave?” He asked in the saddest tone imaginable. It had a small crack along the single word, breaking into the foreseeable future. It weaved guilt into Kokichi’s mind, how could such a sound exist?

“We’re not leaving..” Kokichi cooed. Gently brushing his fingers against Reiyu’s dark curls. Those baby big eyes looked up at him, as if he didn’t believe him. “Promise.” He added, holding up a pinky finger. “Ever heard of a pinky promise? It’s the most sacred promise on earth. Who ever shakes to one, is bound to it forever.”

Reiyu looked at his held up pinky, and mimicked his movement. Kokichi locked pinkies with the smallest finger. He gave a subtle shake and kissed his little hand. It was too tempting, this innocence was so intoxicating. He wished he had when he was younger.

Reiyu smiled, showing his teeth while his almond eyes turn to squished squints. Such happiness was being admitted off this small child, and Kokichi felt it. The burning feeling in his chest, an awfully warm feeling, different than the warmth he feels when he’s trapped in Shuichi’s arms.

This feeling was a new love. A powerful feeling like a wave in an ocean crashing onto shore. There’s nothing to stop it. It’s natural, it’s overwhelming, and anyone could drown in it, as long as they had the open heart to care so much.

It was the unmistakable urge to protect him. No doubt Shuichi felt the same.

* * *

Back then, they believed that when they got older, Japan would have been taken over by then. And yet, living to see today, in the now. He feels the chill he felt all those years ago.

Night had fallen. Closing another day. A day before he had to go back and work. He sat out in his backyard, shifting his fingers through the soil, tossing aside the dead flowers he planted so, so long ago. He wanted to do this before he left for a week.

“What are you doing?”

Kokichi looked up, squinting through the early dark at the porch. Shuichi stood in the doorway leading outside. Ready for bed and yawning while the gentle night’s breeze tossling his hair in it’s direction. Shuichi was always nit-picky about Kokichi keeping away from him on the night he leaves.

Kokichi smiled at him, “Gardening!” He chirped.

“So late?” Shuichi chuckled. He glanced up at the sky. The sun freshly tucked into the horizon as the half moon approached to blanket the land in soft white light.

“Mhmm! I forgot to do this earlier since you were giving me my massages. Which, did wonders, by the way.” He picked up the seed bag and poked small holes in the dirt. He dropped the tiny seeds in and covered it back up. He repeated the process until his seed bag rested empty.

“I always work wonders.” Shuichi said, smirking as he folded his arms in the slight chill of the air. “Reiyu is sound asleep. He’ll miss you in the morning.”

“...Yeah, I know. I left him my scarf to suck on in my absence!”

“You are a walking baby pacifier. Is he still teething?”

“D’know. Maybe it’s one of those 2 year old molars. He’s been fussy to eat anything today so maybe!”

Shuichi sighed. He ventured from his doorway to step off the porch. Soon he was leaning over Kokichi’s work. “What are you planting anyway?”

Kokichi stood up, admiring his handy work much like Shuichi was. He only managed to get to one side today, when he gets back, he’ll finish. He clapped his hands together to get rid of the dirt that speckled his hands and left to wash the grim that underlined his fingernails to the sink.

He brushed off his knees and then turned to Shuichi. He held up his empty flower seed packet. Though, he probably couldn’t see it. Kokichi had went on a quick trip to the store and found the prettiest ones he could see.

“Sundrops!”

* * *

_“So, when’s the wedding?”_

_Shuichi flushed a deep red as Kokichi burst into laughter. Miu and Kaede looked on with amusement. Rantaro smirked at the reaction._

_Kokichi got a hold of himself and looked up to his beloved detective. “So how ‘bout it Shumai?” He snuck his hand into his. “I was thinking fall. But you seem like the depressing dead type, so winter!”_

_They had only been dating for a week, and word caught like a decaying leaf in the windy air. Spinning around the hallways, classrooms, and of course, it’s students it holds to educate so thoroughly._

_Shuichi covered his burning face with his hand. “...Kokichi, we’re not getting married.”_

_Tears welled up in his eyes. “W-We’re not?”_

_“N-No Kokichi please don’t-!”_

_“WAHHHHHH!”_

_Kokichi genuinely thought the crush he had secretly developed and brooded over would vanish the minute he had his beloved coiled around his finger. Yet every day it grew. As if his heart failed to realize it had what it longed for all this time._

_Just moments later he claimed he was lying and that he never loved Shuichi enough to marry him. Yet his heart throbbed in heavy disagreement. It trembled at the sight of him and if he let Shuichi fall through his crosses fingers, then he would be left to be lying about his smile for the rest of his life._

_The next class passed, then the next. And his feelings got more and more knotted in this sticky swamp of confused warmth that bloomed in his chest. The stagnant water of his unnecessary persistent emotions boiled until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He needed a relief from his doubts, and he would have to force Shuichi into it. Even if it meant tossing all his hard work to the wind._

_“Shuichi…” He said cautiously, reaching forward and grabbing his hand. Halting Shuichi in his tracks. Jerking slightly at the sudden stop. The boy turned, looking down at him with innocent curiosity._

_They were alone in the room now. Just before they exited the locker room. A place where the heater failed to work, and just touching the metal of the lockers was similar to grazing packed ice. And he backed Shuichi right into it. “Kokichi?” His looked shifted from curiosity and now strange caution as Kokichi stared wordlessly up at him._

_Being this assertive would normally spike him with an exhilarating thrill. Yet this thrill was different. It was as if he walked smack into a wall of pungent perfume. Except the perfume actually spells sickening addictive and you only want to drink in it a little while longer._

_And Kokichi was getting closer to the source of the sweetness. His eyes landing on the lips that seemed to be smoother than a marble surface. He wanted to taste the thick acrid fragrance. The drug was only inches away and he wanted to make his first deal._

_He found his fingers curling around Shuichi’s collar and pulling him down to his level. His lips. Where his breath can brush against his cheek like invisible fingers caressing his burning face. And when their lips meet, the jolt of it sends Kokichi into a fervor of rightness. He belongs here._

_Shuichi was shocked, but easily gave into Kokichi’s surgery aroma. The crystals of engaging essences, completely enrapturing the two, pulling them into the tough molasses trap of adoration._

_Or more simply put, it was layers and layers of romances that built in the gutters of their hearts and finally gave way to the rake that shoved them out into the spotlight of the sun. Pouring out in movements through lips and sweet hums of satisfaction._

_“...this is gonna last awhile,” Kokichi said breathlessly, “isn’t it..?”_

_Shuichi leaned back against the freezing stone cold lockers. His fingers ghosting his lips that Kokichi stole just moments ago. “...Yeah.” He said softly. “Yeah, I think it will.”_

_Did Kokichi believe it would? No._

_But did it?_

_Ha._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH ITS OVER, ITS DOONE, NO MORE “I THINK THERES ANOTHER CHAPTER” (I think im sure this time) all of u who read this amazing crap of an fan fiction are amazingly dedicated. I am shocked even now at who survived to the current day. The day you see the end XD my sorry sophomore years have started and it’s a hard, tough freicken cookie. U all make me happy when you give me words of support ahhhhh. Luv u all. 
> 
> Also here’s a small snippet of what was never added in the real deal. 
> 
> —-
> 
> “How does craft Mac and cheese sound?” 
> 
> Kokichi had never heard Shuichi snort in laughter until then. “What? I’m serious! That stuff is to die for, I’m not kidding!” 
> 
> Shuichi coughed off to the side as he sputtered into low throated chuckles as he grabbed ahold of his composure. “K-Kokichi, that’s just so random. I ask what we should waste ourselves on before we go to the front lines preparation and–” he laughed, tears of the moment stained his eyes. “And the first thing you say is craft Mac and cheese…?” 
> 
> “And Panta!” He added. “Here, I’ll go get six boxes and crazy salt. I’ll even grab extra cheese, cause mmmm. Gotta get those fats and lipids before they starve us.” 
> 
> Shuichi was silenced into the dry sounding laughter, where no sound bubbles up your throat and you’re just left shaking on the ground, hacking on air with no noise of the convulsion being heard. 
> 
> He left Shuichi to suffocate as he skipped into the pantry and grabbed more Mac and cheese than needed. He skipped back and started on the glorious last meal they would have before they were sentenced to their metaphorical death. Or, maybe not so metaphorical. 
> 
> Just an hour later, he’s shoving a cheesy spoon full of Mac and cheese into a Shuichi’s mouth. He watched the other chew and swallow. Pondering over how awful or decent it was. He smacked his lips, licking off the exas cheese and eyeing Kokichi with too much judgment for an innocent bowl of noodles to receive. 
> 
> “Is there even macaroni in there?” Shuichi asked, opening his mouth to fill the empty space. Kokichi happily stuffed another cheesy noodly mound into his mouth and laughed at him as he tried to chew it. 
> 
> “Did I forget to mention it’s poisoned?” 
> 
> “Mmmn.”
> 
> “Me too, me too.”
> 
> —-
> 
> Funny? Ha. Thought so. XD anyway. Free hearts and good feelings to all. And THANK YOU


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